askchapo

I have a persisting fear that I’m constantly disappointing and failing everyone who cares about me and it’s a mentality that’s a slog to fight against

It is impossible to kill all the brain worms. I can ignore them. I can work hard to check myself on them. I can go out of my way to correct myself and work on myself and minimize it even fully remove all the negative impacts they may have on myself and my community. But they're still there and I wish there was a way to fully burn them out.

They're just too ingrained and society reinforces them daily.

I will never stop trying though. It's all I can do. It's all any of us can do, I think. Unless someone knows the secret to instantly removing all the wrong things society puts into our heads I'll go for second best thing which is a lifetime of concerted effort.

Trying to fix my shit so I can at some point put myself out there and try dating again. So far all of my attempts have been miserable failures. Doesn't help I lost close to a decade to depression so I feel behind everyone my age (no degree, no career, dead-end job, no romantic experiences, etc).

It also doesn't help that I can't help but think that I would be inflicting myself on someone and making my problems theirs. I'm trying to reform myself into someone I'd want to be with but digging myself out of years of mental illness and grief has been a struggle.

Drinking too much.

Not exercising enough.

Forgetting to follow through on things I agreed to do.

This general feeling that I’m being “judged” by the people around me which stops me from doing activities, even ones I won’t actually be judged for at all

Learned a childhood friend caught a 9mm yesterday in the temple so burial stuff ig

I have fatphobic thoughts, and sometimes stereotype fat people. I'm trying to work on it, but it's hard stopping a particular pattern of thinking. I logically know what's wrong with that, and I don't believe I've actually acted on those thoughts, but it still is something I need to work on.

• Not good enough about COVID
• Not yet fully vegan
• Mi estas eterna komencanto
• Not good enough about Deaf issues
• Holy shit I need to just switch to Linux already
• I have several BFRBs and other "bad habits" I need to get under control
• I need to stand up for myself more
• Yadda yadda yadda

i feel socially/romantically stunted for my age (20). i was mostly homeschooled and didn't participate in any clubs/groups outside of church and have never dated. i'm not depressed or anything about it but i know humans aren't meant to live alone

The internalized bigotry still lingers.

I'm coming up on the end of my employment, and I really fucking need to be working on my resume and applying for jobs. Having a hard time making myself do it.

Need to get out of my writing rut. And my reading rut. And my socializing rut.

And probably actually roll a die on whether or not I should buy a sabre

Stereotypical cis male moment, but I need to talk about feelings more. I've come long strides and can talk to my partner about things, but she called me out about not checking in with my male friends about their stuff going on. This also applies to my relationship, considering her needs more intuitively.

It's hard because outside of just the general de-patriarching my brain, I feel I'm kinda a self centered person. My partner instinctively thinks about others first and I have to constantly remind myself not to make selfish choices.

So I've been on therapy for the past like 3-4 years and it's been life changing. I feel much more confident about myself and in now in the communist party in my country, which has been one of the best things I've done for myself.

Right now im working through my video game addiction, and my addiction to easy dopamine from social media. I want to get better to be a better revolutionary. I guess some other stuff will probably come up, maybe some thoughts I've had about perfectionism or delusions of grandeur

What do people owe each other as part of living in a society? When you become friends with someone, are you opting into owing that person more than what you owe everyone else? Intuition tells me the answers here are "Respect and dignity" and "Yes" respectively, but I suspect these views aren't as common as I was led to believe.

I've spent around a decade following just about any avenue to self-improvement, with the goal of reclaiming all I lost in the destructive years. Rebuilding the connections I lost is the hardest part. If redemption isn't possible, then what's the point of seeking improvement? And if I can't have those friendships back, how do I go about forging something like them?

Just decided yesterday that I'm back on tackling my eating disorder again. Surely this time. Maybe ACTUALLY this time though, it's so isolating and I'm so fucking over the way it limits my ability to touch grass which is definitely a different feeling to the other times.

I feel like my biggest bit of bullshit is that I'm still struggling with alcohol on a daily basis. I'm surrounded by it every single day and it has this insidious way of worming itself back into my daily life despite numerous attempts to stop. I'll be good for weeks or months at a time until one day I look at a bottle weird and suddenly decide "fuck it, I want to be drunk" and then 4 quick shots later I've fallen off the wagon yet again. I'm sure there's way more but it's not often I post literally mid relapse

I moved on from the woman I liked that wouldn't reciprocate any feelings to a woman I don't particularly like who does have feelings for me. Probably need to figure a way to gracefully let her down if I don't feel attracted to her.

I’m flirting with a few markers of codependency and it’s starting to affect my ability to do things for myself which in turn has started putting pressure on the people around me.

It’s a realization I came to on Monday and I am speaking to my therapist tomorrow.

Ive got a bunch thing i should work on to improve myself and im not doing any of them.

Trying to recover from my abusive ex and the trauma they caused me, kinda feeling like I have CPTSD from it and may never be completely "over" it

Immigration issues that wouldn't be an issue if my adoptvie parents weren't so neglectful

Trying to meet new people and make new friends and struggling with how long it takes while knowing that that's probably for the better for lasting friendships. Forever reminded of how autism influences my entire life and while I like some of the traits that are from it, it would be easier overall if I were allistic :/

Back and shoulder pain mostly, at least for today

just need to find mildly fulfilling stuff to do (now that the arabic obsession has worn off) while i'm stuck at home an ocean away from my girlfriend and other people i knew without a job or uni stuff to do because i was an idiot and did an anorexia (again) last semester

I care too much.

perfectionism & insecurity around creating art

Figuring out how to use Obsidian to thoroughly organize the notes that I take and never ever use. My ADHD really needs to hand over the reins of my brain to my autism. It's a much nicer and gentler side of my personality.

My cynicism-pessimism-doomer brain managed to go into beast mode lately. I hate that I hate so much. But like I just don't care enough to change it. Joining a mens group next week so maybe I can work on my mindset

Setting schedules for myself and getting over the feeling of being my own drill sergeant.

The comforting draw of that voice that says "if this is what it's gonna be, there's no use trying to change it" in response to seeing myself stagnate.

honestly life.

Trading. Was on a good roll making 600 last week and up 1200 this week, then one bone-headed trade flipped my winning day into a huge loser. I gotta beat back the mind stops that make me add on to a loser.

My brain is my best friend and worst enemy.