The Onion

Nah the mitt romney one

I had no idea he was Muslim.

I definitely get that vibe from that headline. It's not that the US reached out and said "touch not one hair on my precious scumbags", it's that they did it for someone who scumbags who also claim to be Muslim and fail the melanin deficiency test.

Undoubtedly sort of.

It's not so much "closet homosexuality" as that sexuality is a spectrum, which means that most people have some greater-than-zero amount of attraction to their same sex, which is a problem for desperately insecure bigots, and he's a desperately insecure bigot.

For the majority of people, the portion of their sexuality that's focused on their same sex is not significant enough to justify defining themselves as anything other than heterosexual - it just is, or possibly just was, a source of occasional thoughts or fantasies or, in some cases, experimentation. In fact, it's quite possible that, not particularly concerned about it, they've never even consciously realized that some portion of their sexual attention is drawn to their same sex.

However, for the "incel" personality type, like Tate, that amount greater-than-zero of attraction to their same sex can be a cause for overwhelming shame. It's not enough for them to be heterosexual overall - their insecurity and self-doubt and need to puff themselves up demands that they be 100% straight manly men. And they aren't. Never mind that that portion of their attention that's focused on their same sex is near certainly insignificant in and of itself - to them its mere existence is an existential threat to their already shaky self-images, so they feel a need to, and often do, put an outsized focus on stamping it down and making every effort to pretend it doesn't exist at all. Which ends up warping their personalities, and ironically enough making them even more focused on homosexuality than they would've been had they, as most people do, just not worried about it in the first place.

So yes, sort of.

Reality hasbecome too hard to satirise.

What better position? Secretary of safety of women and children

That's too much. That's like putting an antivaxxer in charge of health!

Idk, I always felt that there was a conservative slant to the bee. It's never there 100% of the time, but it's kinda like if the Onion was written by a bunch of bootlickers.

I mean. The only place to get alcohol past midnight in the Canadian town I grew up in was an all night tea house. But we were just trying to hide it from the cops.