There's something that I'm beginning to find really fun to say...

Watched Hakumei and Mikochi, cute ass twee yuri anime very worth the watch. Just finished watching frieren yesterday and hoping on to this with the same composer was a treat to my ears kept squealing with how damn cute everything was

1 hr down of a 9 hour sonic underground retrospective vid I'm watching and I'm learning that this is definitely a show. I really don't know if I'm gonna watch it after this vid like I've seen sonic x growing up and tuned into sonic boom but this is a different beast.

Cleaned one of my drawers today and found my glow in the dark nail polish, thinking of experimenting with it just need to think of a good color that would work well with it. I'm leaning towards a light green I got to make them look radioactive but blue would be cool too maybe demon core core

::: spoiler dysphoria, suicide My brothers went to the liquor store without me, my cousins are all friends and have excluded me and my siblings, I want to be launched into the sun, and I don't think anyone would care if I disappeared. My presence has no impact.

Shit weekend. I wasted it. Nobody sees me. God fucking dammit. I want to disappear

I feel more and more like I can only do self-care by shutting everyone out and deciding that I don't care anymore. And that's a hard thing to face, because I feel really let down. I was supposed to communicate perfectly in order to get help, and I couldn't, so no wonder I'm where I'm at. It stinks.

I don't like having violent thoughts. I don't know where to put this shit. I could scream at everyone. I could break something. If this is all a lie let me just blow it the fuck up and start over without any pretense of having somebody

Like I have been dead fucking alone with my thoughts for half a decade. I could rip my hair out but it's probably gonna fall out on its own. Then I'll look even more like a guy. What a strapping ~~young~~ man.

Obviously I'm stupid for expecting someone to notice an abrupt and obvious change in my behaviors. Obviously I expect too much from people. Which tells me that I, once again, have let everyone down. Like, this shit never ends! I don't understand the distinction between having zero expectations from others and just not caring. I'm getting really close to not caring what happens. It sucks.

I just wanna disappear and transition and never have to deal with these people again. It's not even that they aren't accepting,they just don't see me regardless and I feel invisible. I just want a new life with people who I don't have to wonder if they care or not. Like I am so sick of all of it and nobody caring. Am I a psychopath for being sad and hoping that someone notices. Am I really just supposed to say "hey can we talk . uh uh I'm SAD!" like a toddler. What the fuck am I supposed to do

Having watched the first 5 minutes of Love Is Blind: Germany my impression is that everyone in Germany is into astrology for some reason.

Went out shopping (for a bit) in full femme outfit today: black tank top + b/w flannel + leather jacket + full makeup. I was wearing a mask since I am still coughing/recovering, but I had full eye makeup (shiny eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara and brow pencil). Also wearing a layered chain necklace and a matching studded choker, along with a studded belt and combat boots. Outerwear was a black leather coat. It was really fun, and I want to post it to RedNote but I don't know what tags to use

It’s hard to scroll and watch reality tv when it’s in a foreign language

Came out to a friend I haven't seen in a year last night. He asks, "What about your gender presentation/expression? You look the same as always." I want to be gracious, and I know he's just trying to be supportive and take an interest in my life, but the interview was kinda tough.

Going back and looking at older trans megas feels strangely nostalgic, and it makes me realize just how many people have come and gone. Granted, many could very well be on alt accounts, but seeing (-57) comments on a thread also gives me some sense of dread. Really hammers home just how fleeting this all could be, and how much things can change in a matter of months. I just hope everyone from back then is alright.

I swear recently I can feel that I've shrunk almost an inch in height. Like everything feels faintly shorter now even though it's extremely unlikely that I actually shrunk quickly enough to notice like that

When can I expect the increase in my emotional range now that I've got some estrogen flowing through me? Please don't tell me it depends like everything else 😭