emotions
My posting flurries are often a side effect of dealing with intense emotions throughout the day, just from thinking about my life and how it has gone, etc.
When I get overwhelmed by my emotions I don't want to be alone. But I have been alone for a long time. I often feel like if someone could be there one time, I could probably handle the next 10 strong emotions on my own.
I don't know what's normal. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with these feelings. What I do know is trying to wring anything out of anyone is exhausting. It started with posting on Instagram trying to stay in touch with my college friends and now it's happening here. I don't feel any agency to be direct.
And I don't have someone in my corner, so it feels like nobody is witnessing what I'm going through. Apparently that's a good thing. Apparently I'm supposed to want this desolation.
Hexbear is a good place. I guess I'm not all that good.
I'm experiencing anxiety flareups trying to communicate effectively here, and that is a sign to me that I need to consider how involved I am, how much I talk about this stuff, etc.
Also you guys peer pressured me into switching usernames before I was ready when I first joined the matrix chat, back in July. That wasn't cool. I chose Pleakley because I panicked. Have a great January 2025.