this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2024
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Final Fantasy XI

Final Fantasy XI is the eleventh numbered installment in the… Okay, you know what it is, I’m just going to tell you about one of the storylines!

During the Wings of the Goddess expansion, adventurers will be sent back in time to experience the events of the Crystal War, a cataclysmic event that is the foundation for conflicts of the modern-day timeline. Should an adventurer choose to serve the Kingdom of San d’Oria, they will be immersed in the story of the Young Griffons—a group of children who would see themselves knights, many of whom grow into prominent characters later in life.

Among the Young Griffons, the player will find Bistillot, a shy boy who doesn’t like to be seen. With his penchant for engineering, shy demeanor, and lack of combat potential, Bistillot prefers to spend his time inside of an orcish war machine that he was able to repair to working condition.

He is often seen before he is heard, with his signature phrase, “HAAAALLOOOOOOOOO” being used to hail the adventurer. Through the course of the story, Bistillot finds his way, even contributing to the war effort with his engineering skills.

However, when another member of the Young Griffons is kidnapped and taken to the present day, the adventurer must return to the present day and reunite with the Young Griffons’ present selves! The adventurer’s first contact in the present day is Bistillot. When the adventurer hears the signature “HAAAALLOOOOOOO,” Bistillot approaches the player, but what the player sees is… a woman?? She introduces herself as Bostilette, a “friend of Bistillot.”

After the rescue mission, Bostilette comes clean. She is, of course, the very same Bistillot who was a little boy twenty years earlier. She explains that she was very sick as a baby, so her parents gave her a boy’s name so that she would be stronger and survive the illness. Once she overcame the illness, she was comfortable to reclaim her name and gender. Well, that closes the book on that story, except… I’ve decided that’s bullshit!

I have unilaterally decided that Bostilette is trans, the sickness she had was dysphoria, she stayed in the orcish war machine because she was an egg, and I hope you all agree!

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[–] Wmill@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago

Dreamt I was looking into a mirror, I'm looking less monstrous and more real cute even. Gonna take this as a huge W for my mental health. Next year on my birthday things are only gonna get better, I'm getting out of this hole meow-bounce

[–] RION@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (6 children)

now that I have my job and moved to an apartment the procedural barriers to actually doing something about my gender have all but eroded. Theoretically I could go to an informed consent place and get an HRT prescription. It's just really scary to consider doing that

I've found myself really consumed with doubt when I think about it, which has been less so now that I'm working full time and have less time to idly contemplate my identity. Truth be told, living as a guy feels... fine right now. Not great, but not the worst thing in the world? Shouldn't that not be the case?

I'm scared that I've been deluding myself for almost two years now. Cis people supposedly almost never think about their gender, it's said, but I'm unusual in a lot of other ways. What if I'm the odd cis person that does think about their gender? What if I'm tricking myself just so I get to feel "special" and not like a lame guy? Or what if these OCD symptoms I've been discovering with my therapist are behind all this, and it's just something I latched onto as an obsession that doesn't really mean anything about my identity after all?

I'm thinking about just going for DIY HRT so I don't have to show my face at a clinic if I turn out not to like it. That's giving me some hope, the idea that if a cis person takes the wrong hormones they feel like garbage. That way I know for sure, right?

Thinking about this gives so much anxiety, but I know that if it is something I want then every second spent waffling is another second wasted. My habitual over-analysis goes in circles. Makes me wish I just didn't have to exist so I didn't have to figure this out. I see my therapist tomorrow so I hope she has good advice for me

[–] CrookedSerpent@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (7 children)

I really recommend "living" a bit with a different gender presentation, in whatever form that feels good to you. I also am someone who over analyzes my own thoughts and gender, but doing things as simple as, trying on femm clothes I liked and just going for a walk and doing some errands, experimenting with a femm voice in online voice chats was all it took for me to instantly realize I never wanted to stop ever again. The only real way to know if you are going to want to live the rest of your life with a different gender presentation is to try it out. No matter how scary that prospect may seem, the alternative is much scarier, don't let fear stop you from being happy. <3 you got this

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[–] HelltakerHomosexual@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (2 children)

finally learning not to push myself into burnout and trying to work on myself bit by bit

imma get a therapist, thats my next goal, after that is another step and another.

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[–] QueerCommie@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago

I have multiple mid granolas in my cupboard. I just discovered the one good one says it has fucking dairy derivatives in it. Should’a taken note of the “protein” label. angery

[–] Josephine_Spiro@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (6 children)

Anyone know a good budget alt/goth clothing store here in Yankee land?

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[–] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (13 children)

Kittenposting 💕 🐈‍⬛ 🐈‍⬛ 🐈‍⬛ 🐈‍⬛ 💕

Today's cativities mostly including napping and watching birds and squirrels out the window

@rtstragedy@hexbear.net

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[–] Ambii@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

validity and body dysphoriaSome days I still wonder if I'm really trans or if I convinced myself of something something something.

Those same days I struggle to hold back tears as I stare at my own legs and compare them to my girlfriend's and think about how much hair removal I need to pass a vibe check in the mirror.

Such is life ig


In happier news I finished my last session of laser for this round and I'm really happy with the results. Gotta wait a few days or 2 weeks or so to let it grow out and see how it actually looks now so I can get a new referral. Gonna try and see if I can sneak the little hairs between my eyebrows as well as my sideburns in the referral.

[–] GayTuckerCarlson@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (3 children)

I just got Fallout NV for a pc for the first time

lea-finger-guns

What are some mods I should get?

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[–] Luna@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Holy shit there was a group of people in American revolutionary uniforms banging on a drum while waving Trump flags next to a commuter route.

I retract my statement about liberals being just as passionate/energetic as conservatives, this takes the cake. These people also set up a giant (largest I've ever seen) sign at the end of the road accusing democrats of stealing freedom. I was shocked at first, but by the time I was turning off of the road I was laughing my ass off.

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[–] Josephine_Spiro@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (2 children)

What is the difference between the 5 stripe and the seven stripe lesbian flags?

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago

Ease of production lol

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[–] Edie@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (1 children)

New mega thread!

Up with trans

Down with cis

Everyone have a great day

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[–] What_Religion_R_They@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (2 children)

just remembered that i was joking about having the sticky out bits at the side in my hair like suletta (see picrel) a while back. and i realized that my dumbass has basically had this haircut since then because i keep trimming my hair "when it gets too long" (effectively i am perpetually keeping it in the awkward stage). is this profile picturative determinism?

now i just need to make the ahoge to complete my idiot transformation.

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[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (4 children)

dysphoria, self harm, si, just really struggling idkLast night was hell. This morning is more hell. I can't take it. This is all so stupid. I just can't. There's nothing to do. I'm scared. I feel hopeless.

I don't want to hit fat. I can't end up in the hospital.

This is just awful. No escape. No way to escape.

This is stupid, I don't understand why I'm flipping out like this or how to stop it. It just hurts. Everything hurts and I can't stop it. I don't know if things will ever be okay.

I can't take this pain.

editWell, self harm urges are gone for now. I don't feel amazing or anything but a lot better then I did earlier.

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[–] DeathToBritain@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (1 children)

waking up with no power, and then discovering the fucking fuse for the oven is the thing tripping the breaker. I had to test so many god damn things to narrow that down meow-tableflip

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[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (2 children)

My brain has been extremely active lately, and so I waa thinking about the famous webnovel. No I have not read more, but months ago I made a big noise about a certain scene but did not reproduce it enough. Forgive me, I was not in the meow zone. Now that I am:

The scene of all time, from Unjust Depths 5.2 The Queen

Carmilla sat on the couch, and patted her hand at her side, urging Victoria to join her.

Smiling, Victoria took her place beside the Duchess. It was rare that she felt so comfortable.

She relaxed against the back of the couch and let her body lean against Carmilla’s side, feeling her warmth through her tight clothes. Victoria felt the Duchess’ hand settle on her shoulder first, and then glide up the nape of her neck, behind the back of her head, up to the base of her fluffy brown cat ears.

Victoria’s tail swayed contentedly as Carmilla’s fingers traced the firm cartilage.

Her fingers were so slender, so soft, brushing over the ear flap from the base to the tip.

Victoria’s whole body stirred as the duchess stroked her so gently.

She closed her eyes. From her chest, she let out a soft purr.

“How is this?” Carmilla asked.

A trimmed fingernail scraped where her ears met her head, delivering a rough sensation.

At first teasingly, but then with a firm and continuous rhythm.

Victoria’s hands kneaded on the couch. Her hips trembled. Tiny, almost surprised gasps escaped the Shimii’s lips. Carmilla teased her ears in the exact way that drove her mad.

First a scratch, then a firm rub from the fingertip, bending the ear; draw back for another scratch; repeat. Faster, building up heat each time. Victoria pressed her body against Carmilla’s, moaning gently.

“That’s what I love to see. My precious Varisha, in the glow of happiness.”

Hearing the Duchess’ voice cooing her secret name while scratching her ears, while feeling the warmth of her body and the firmness of her grip. It sent a thrill through Victoria’s chest and down her body.

“Call me by my special name, Varisha.”

In the midst of her passion, Victoria murmured it. “Mishagh–”

She felt Carmilla’s finger moving faster. “Beautiful. Such a good girl.”

Victoria’s tail shot straight up, quivering. She started to bow her head under the intensity of that touch.

The Duchess’ finger slid down Victoria’s ears a final time before lifting off of her head.

Victoria’s eyes drew wide with surprise. Carmilla took her by the waist, pulling her close.

“You’ll get more scritches soon. In the royal bed, next time.” She said, winking.

Carmilla’s finger traveled down Victoria’s cheek.

She lifted the Shimii’s chin and bent down to kiss her. Gentle, brief, but reassuring.

As their lips parted, Victoria’s head felt airy with contentedness.

“Soon.” Victoria cooed. She was letting herself be vulnerable. Letting herself savor it.

I would greatly prefer if Unjust Depths had more of this. Or, maybe if all of it was this. Perhaps there is related fanfic I should be reading, but my gay fiction is alarmingly lacking in meowing, I find.

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[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (5 children)

spoilerWake up, immediately dysphoric, scared, crying.

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[–] Thallo@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (3 children)

Picked up sparking zero, but it didn't hook me, and I just refunded it. Been waiting for it for like a year.

I feel like I can't even touch the enemies. I played the tutorial, but I don't know how to do half the things the enemies do. Just feels really clunky to me. Also, the story mode seems incredibly bare bones and soulless.

Really depressing. I must have had hundreds of hours on Budokai Tenkaichi 3, and now I can't even clear the first few levels of this one. Ugh, I suck.

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[–] Wmill@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Finished Gender Outlaws now I be thinking of buckets of gender, I don't think I can finish another book before my birthday tomorrowkitty-birthday-sad but glad I got through this one at least. Need to mind chew on some things for a bit will probably give it another listen later on since I also found the play part pretty entertaining Kate Bornstein's narration is pretty goated

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[–] buh@hexbear.net 11 points 9 months ago (1 children)

My tumblr fyp is turning into a stream of gay hazbin hotel fanart 😓

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