Man, as a recent immigrant and trans person, dealing with Britain's healthcare system is possibly the most exhausting and degrading thing I've ever dealt with.

Transes, what's going on with me?

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What's with this whole imposter thing?

Not only do I want to be a woman, but I want to want to be a woman. So why can't I believe it?

My wife and friends are all very supportive. I get she/hers. They use my new name. I'm dressing like a woman. Going through transition things like hair removal and voice training, but there's something holding me back.

I don't even know what it is. I can't even point to it. I'm clearly not cis (and don't want to be), and if I looked at another trans woman and saw her doing all the things I'm doing, I'd be like, "oh, that's a woman." But me? Idk, feels like something STILL hasn't clicked.

Like, I'm happy. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, but I'm afraid I'll wake up one day and be like, "well all that was weird. Wonder what I was thinking."

I ask if I'm doing this for the wrong reasons. What even are the wrong reasons? Lmao.

I've seen a thousand other trans people with this same thought, and now I'm going through it. Ugh, exhausting!

(Gonna keep transitioning tho. I won't be stopped!)

Finally getting some use out of all my cute sweaters

Are you a lovely lady or a nasty girl?

She's my best friends doggirl

She's my best friends doggirlfriend

And she use to be mine

I've been experimenting with low waisted jeans lately, and it's all good until you need to sit down.

feeling like shit. some loud braggart tried to put me down and say his school is great... he also refuses to acknowledge my school (number one in the state)

I sat at my desk three hours ago with the intention of figuring out how to describe to myself what I was feeling. I still can't. I know I dissociated kinda hard for a little bit. But everything else... I can't put words to it.

Hopefully my brain can finally turn off now, I'll see you all tomorrow.

I watched Kiki's Delivery Service last night, and it was very cute, as always! Though this time, I noticed that Kiki often will see another girl, or an older woman, and remark at how pretty she is, and how Kiki wishes she was pretty like that. And as an early transition trans fem, that's such a fucking mood!

So Kiki gets the bespoke award of "My new queer headcanon", alongside that cool painter who lives in the woods and is DEFINITELY a lesbian, and those old ladies who are also probably Gay.

Tl;dr - Kiki is trans, because I said so

I'm hiking, which is nice, but my asthma is kindly reminding me of what happened yesterday. The Earth, kindly enough, is answering my prayers for air and sending giant gusts of wind in my direction. I've rolled my ankle multiple times, but it's really nice out so it's still a good time 😊

new announcement ended up making me sad

got he/him's acting real classy i see i'm not actually looking to fight anybody. just. took a long time to find a place that actually kinda felt safe enough & suddenly it seems much less so. think i'll be limiting my bear site presence to the trans spaces, for the time being. that's what i'm here for, anyway.

much love & strength to all my beautiful siblings the last couple months have been backbreaking, but it woulda been considerably more difficult w/out this gay lil online living room :3

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snorting wassabi powder to get a little kick in the morning

I just received in the mail a personal note from Mark A. offering to buy my home for cash. BUT THAT WASN'T MARK A. WHO JUST DELIVERED IT! It was just some woman with a whole stack of identical letters!

I am starting to think these letters may be a scam.

When our turn comes, we shall make no excuses for the transing.

Ooh this skirt is nice for sleeping/nightwear

monkey paw curls

It constricted my movements so I woke up in the middle of the night and could't go back to sleep. Worst of all, I didn't realize I could just take it off until the morning. Something like this happened once before, my brain just doesn't work sometimes.

I just had a level 5 metapod break out of 5 pokeballs in a row, wtf is this cracked metapods cachrate

Fuck it

sad

spoiler self harm and suicide Why am I even alive? This is all just pain, its been pain for so long, and I don't see that ever changing. There is so much pain from so many directions. sh'd earlier and it did nothing for me. So like really, how am I supposed to stop being in pain? This happens literally regardless of what I do. Do girl stuff, feel like shit. Self care? shit. smoke weed? A bit better tbh, best I ever feel, but still there. Obviously there's a lot of gender pain, but there's other stuff too. And I am just so sick of all of it.

Even posted about it makes me feel like shit. Like oh here I am just bitching when other people have it worse. Why even post about ending it when I don't have a method. Just stupid drama baiting shit tbh. Probably how everyone sees me. Can't even sh properly so how am I even going to go through with a plan anyway.

Anyway I'm just rambling, I want to escape this. fwiw I don't have a method so don't worry about my safety too much. ::: Edit: I'm going to head to bed now, hoping to feel better tomorrow. Goodnight mega.

@ashinadash@hexbear.net I looked through your recs and picked up Fluids by May Leitz. Holy fuck is all I can say, I'm at the 2nd part of the book and wtf. I didnt know it was horror until it ramped up lmao

I think I have serious trouble regulating emotions. I did a workout today and felt absolutely ecstatic, like mentally I could have kept going for ages but my body was about to collapse. The in the afternoon I went for a walk and for some reason made myself super depressed. I feel lonely and ugly and I hate my body. Why am I like this

Guy I know that lives 30 minutes from Tampa didn't evacuate
He's high enough that he shouldn't get hit by the storm surge but still

Following up on my naming post, my wife is now calling me "Marxist maiden," "Leninist Lady," and "socialist sister"

Works for me~

Skin is surprisingly soft/smooth for a change. Gonna blame the two injections I had on Tuesday.

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No, I'm not talking about E. Why would I do two shots of that? Could always have just used more in the single injection.

Incredibly important quiz for all my fellow lovely transes

Which would you choose:

1. Poltergeist

2. Spider

3. Swamp Monster

4. Dream Demon

5. Vampire

Please leave your answers below, thank you!

so far we have 6 vampires, 1 poltergeist, 6 dream demon and 2 spider

as the quiz holder i will add my vote for dream demon too

@EstraDoll@hexbear.net we should make this when everyone is at your house for legos

i'm literally dying from a mild headache and my wife chooses this moment to bully me about it. like talk about kicking me while i'm down

damn my tiddies are getting fuckin huge

i took some nice pictures of myself today and you could see my tits through my turtleneck

at a distance of about twenty feet

I ate too much sugar free things and now I'm paying the price.

Anyone got that screenshot saying that trans people like Celeste because it gives us unrealistic fantasies of double-jumping? It was posted on Hexbear some days ago but I can't find it.

Overwhelmed once again by the immense desire to give everyone here a giant hug

Eating ice cream was maybe bad idea.