this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2026
455 points (98.9% liked)
196
6799 readers
3839 users here now
Community Rules
You must post before you leave
Be nice. Assume others have good intent (within reason).
Block or ignore posts, comments, and users that irritate you in some way rather than engaging. Report if they are actually breaking community rules.
Use content warnings and/or mark as NSFW when appropriate. Most posts with content warnings likely need to be marked NSFW.
Most 196 posts are memes, shitposts, cute images, or even just recent things that happened, etc. There is no real theme, but try to avoid posts that are very inflammatory, offensive, very low quality, or very "off topic".
Bigotry is not allowed, this includes (but is not limited to): Homophobia, Transphobia, Racism, Sexism, Abelism, Classism, or discrimination based on things like Ethnicity, Nationality, Language, or Religion.
Avoid shilling for corporations, posting advertisements, or promoting exploitation of workers.
Proselytization, support, or defense of authoritarianism is not welcome. This includes but is not limited to: imperialism, nationalism, genocide denial, ethnic or racial supremacy, fascism, Nazism, Marxism-Leninism, Maoism, etc.
Avoid AI generated content.
Avoid misinformation.
Avoid incomprehensible posts.
No threats or personal attacks.
No spam.
Moderator Guidelines
Moderator Guidelines
- Don’t be mean to users. Be gentle or neutral.
- Most moderator actions which have a modlog message should include your username.
- When in doubt about whether or not a user is problematic, send them a DM.
- Don’t waste time debating/arguing with problematic users.
- Assume the best, but don’t tolerate sealioning/just asking questions/concern trolling.
- Ask another mod to take over cases you struggle with, if you get tired, or when things get personal.
- Ask the other mods for advice when things get complicated.
- Share everything you do in the mod matrix, both so several mods aren't unknowingly handling the same issues, but also so you can receive feedback on what you intend to do.
- Don't rush mod actions. If a case doesn't need to be handled right away, consider taking a short break before getting to it. This is to say, cool down and make room for feedback.
- Don’t perform too much moderation in the comments, except if you want a verdict to be public or to ask people to dial a convo down/stop. Single comment warnings are okay.
- Send users concise DMs about verdicts about them, such as bans etc, except in cases where it is clear we don’t want them at all, such as obvious transphobes. No need to notify someone they haven’t been banned of course.
- Explain to a user why their behavior is problematic and how it is distressing others rather than engage with whatever they are saying. Ask them to avoid this in the future and send them packing if they do not comply.
- First warn users, then temp ban them, then finally perma ban them when they break the rules or act inappropriately. Skip steps if necessary.
- Use neutral statements like “this statement can be considered transphobic” rather than “you are being transphobic”.
- No large decisions or actions without community input (polls or meta posts f.ex.).
- Large internal decisions (such as ousting a mod) might require a vote, needing more than 50% of the votes to pass. Also consider asking the community for feedback.
- Remember you are a voluntary moderator. You don’t get paid. Take a break when you need one. Perhaps ask another moderator to step in if necessary.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
wait what? isnt... being self-aware a good thing?... pleasure to have in class? i have got to beissing something here.
"You're very self-aware" is basically a meme in the corners of the internet that discuss trauma. It's a genuine compliment on the part of the therapist, but also an implied admission that they won't be able to help you.
You're already aware of the observations they would make and the tools they would propose, so you might as well skip to the end and look for another therapist.
As a psychotherapist, working with people who are self-aware is a pleasure. I wouldn't ever say that to someone if not meant as a genuine compliment.
Although I believe not many of our patients actually are as self aware as they think. I think we as humans often are good in introspection where it's easy and comfortable to do so, while glaring over pretty blatant cognitive errors in some other parts, and this is usually where problems arise and disorders develop. And interestingly some people seem to think of themselves as someone who's perfectly introspective but just for some external, unchangeable factor immune to any kind of positive change. Maybe they could feel irritated about the compliment, because in their minds it reinfoces their idea of being helpless against their problems (in the sense of: I already know everything, it's just not possible to change anything or I would've already done that)? I could imagine that's how I would feel, but of course it's just a guess.
Self-awareness is a good thing, but it’s also the bottom of the barrel when fishing for compliments. In therapy, specifically, the implied sentiment is, “Well, at least you know how fucked up you are.”
She’s making the comparison to the “pleasure to have in class” line, because it’s similar. If a teacher genuinely has good things to say about a student, it’s probably going to be more specific (i.e. – they were inquisitive, a quick study, made their peers laugh, etc). “Pleasure to have in class,” by contrast, is a generic compliment that doesn’t really say anything.
EDIT: Okay, so based on a few of the latest responses, I felt that I should clarify something. I don’t think people who use these phrases intend for them to be insults or demeaning in any way—this includes Cait’s therapist in the original post. It’s just that it can be perceived that way, which is what I think the post was making fun of.
If you’re also an introspective, self-critical person, please don’t take someone saying this to you as an affirmation of your faults. It’s almost certainly an innocuous and genuine observation.
I can see that you have good intentions...
Really, though, there is no bottom of the barrel. Self-awareness is something that some people in therapy genuinely lack. Good intentions are something that some people genuinely lack. Kindness is something that someone people genuinely lack. Being capable of being unobtrusive for others is something some people genuinely lack.
These are not the bottom of the barrel, but solid foundations you can build from. Someone with good self-awareness can give constructive feedback both in session and irl. Someone with good intentions will actually try to improve rather than use therapy as a place to vent. Someone who is kind will use the skills and motivation they gain in therapy to build a nice community for themselves because it is reciprocal.
Imagine OOP except without self-awareness. Their subconscious has developed countertools that make therapy ineffective but they are not able to describe those countertools or even know their functioning. All they can say is that the therapy doesn't work. That sucks so much worse than the situation OOP is actually in.
Ever since I played Control I only read that as Object Of Power
it stands for Object Oriented Programming, actually
/s
Oh my god I literally just now got why my therapist kept saying that. I hate people do this and then expect me to get it. Especially therapists they should know better. If you try to sugarcoat it I won't get it almost guaranteed. Fucks sake what a waste of a time she was. Should have known something was up with how defensive about Israel she was...
Holy shit, your therapist should not be debating politics with you! That's right up there with your therapist trying to convert you to their religion or praying with you. That's a line that shouldn't be crossed.
I don’t think your therapists necessarily meant it in an insulting way.
Oh. Yeah, time for a new therapist, then. Can’t expect healthcare professionals to share all of your political beliefs, but not simping for genocidal ethnostates is a pretty low bar.
A therapist should keep that shit to themselves, regardless of what their political beliefs are. My psychiatrist is a Catholic, but if he started telling me that I should go to church I'd be looking for a new psychiatrist.
Oh this was years ago I wasn't good at saying no to people and standing up for myself. Also kept believing what others said over what I thought since my memory is bad and I zone out a lot.
I don't the only that's necessarily what your therapist was getting at.
I'm not defending her stance on Israel btw. Also her stance on Israel might imply religious beliefs and that's a whole other conversation.
However, I disagree with the commenter that said self-awareness is a good thing.
If you want to go through life empowering others, avoiding doing any harm of any kind, and leaving the world somehow better for your existence, then yes self awareness is a good thing.
However, if you want to be happy, satisfied, and go through life being comfortable and not require therapy, then self awareness is most definitely not a good thing.
That is to say, self awareness is highly correlated with anxiety and depression.
I have to disagree. Self-awareness made me feel better about myself, not worse.
You know what requires therapy? Having a gnawing sense that you're a failure or a coward or something like that. That's what a lack of self-awareness will get you. That is to say, you're going to have some opinion about yourself no matter what, and without self-awareness it's going to be a distorted one.
Curse you, autistic introspection!
I can't handle the idea of paying someone like that even a single time, I'd feel so ripped off and violated.
It can be, though quite often anxiety can manifest as being too self-aware all the time, to the point that it's getting in the way of actually enjoying life.
aaaaah yes fair i can see that, sounds a smol bit like me but bit more negative... good to know.
It's also worth pointing out, I think, that if you're only aware of your weaknesses and such, but don't/can't recognize your strengths, then you're not really that self-aware
I feel that's kind of getting into gate-keeping territory. Self-awareness imo just requires a person to be aware of themself, and whether that person is self-critical or self-appreciating is a different analysis of that awareness.
I'd argue self-appreciation and self-deprication can both get in the way of self-awareness. Someone experiencing clinically significant grandiosity is likely lacking in self awareness just as someone experiencing clinically significant negative self talk (i.e., cognitive distortion) is likely lacking in self awareness
This seems to come down to a difference in definition. You are viewing self-awareness as only able to be positive, and having an implied lack of bias.
I don't expect either of those, I just view it as someone thinking about how they think or act, regardless of whether bias exists in that process. It's all self-awareness.
I am not at all viewing it as only able to be positive; it should be accurate. Why call it awareness if it's not reflecting reality?
That's not self awareness, that's meta cognition
Metacognition is a sub-portion of self-awareness that does not look at behavior. They're intrinsically tied to one another, but self-awareness is broader than metacognition.
I'm not saying either of our definitions are incorrect - 'self-awareness' changes meaning somewhat depending on whether it's being used philosophically, psychoanalitically, etc. And the fact it's now used by the general public its meaning naturally shifts. I am saying your definition is more exclusionary, though, treating it more as a virtue to strive for rather than just an action one takes.
Functionally, if the only self-awareness is accurate self-awareness, then it can only be an advantage, and thus positive.
I would also argue that awareness does not need to be reflective of reality - you can be aware of hallucinations you are experiencing, or you can be aware that you are experiencing hallucinations. Both are awareness, but only one is more accurate to reality.
That's fair, I glossed over the "act" part of your statement
Also fair, but the context here is it being used as a compliment from a therapist
Ah I see, I misunderstood what you meant by positive; I thought you were referring to the bit about being aware of your strengths.
I do think exclusively accurate self-awareness can absolutely be a disadvantage though.
Mm- I think I agree semantically, like technically it can mean that, but it's pretty confusing. Consider how the session note looks when written each way:
vs
The latter, to me, sounds self contradictory
Alright I think we're about on the same page now. It's more how we are perceiving the compliment by the therapist.
Like, yes, self-awareness in itself is important for self-improvement, and some folks completely lack the habits of introspection and self-analysis, so at least having self-awareness is good. I would say that it's more a first step, though, a skill that can be leveraged for improvement.
I've previously had a similar conversation with one of my former therapists where he commented on my self-awareness, but did later talk to me about my anxiety and self-conciousness being from that self-awareness. Essentially, focusing on how I'm acting and thinking, and making too harsh of judgements on minor mistakes or inconsequential failings.
That's apart of why I don't view self-awareness as the state of being accurately dialed in about yourself yet, but instead just in the habit of noting your thoughts and behaviours, regardless of whether you've actually figured out your biases or not yet.