Flying boats are fixed-wing aircraft with hulls like boats, allowing them to land on water instsead of runways. Lakes, seas, reflecting pools, you name it.
In the early history of flight this kind of thing was popular because there were a lot of places without runways and airstrips, and a lot of those that did exist were too small to accomodate larger, long-distance airplanes. There were other advantages too - because their size wasn't limited by the length of runways, they could be built to an impressive size, and had longer range than land-based airplanes. I imagine it was also comforting to be able to land safely on the water in case of mechanical problems.
I think my favorite flying boat is the Dornier Do X (pictured in the thumbnail) which was made in the 1920's. In addition to seats for about a hundred passengers, its three decks contained an onboard kitchen, a dining room, multiple bathrooms, and a bar. Each nacelle on the top has two engines, for a total of twelve. There's just something magnificent about it.
In the 21st century flying boats are quite rare, although there are a few models used for fighting wildfires. The CL-415 Super Scooper for example, can skim the surface of a lake or reservoir for a few seconds and take in more than six thousand liters of water without stopping!
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::: spoiler alienation I guess?
You know how some people say "oh I feel like I belong!" when they are in a group, or how they show such feelings of belonging clearly in their actions? I'm trying to think, and I dont know if Im capable of feeling belonging. I can do 1-on-1, that makes sense and I can feel connection with a person. But in a group, belonging in a group, its not common experience for me. I dont know the last time I felt it.
There's always an awareness of my performativity. There's always a self censoring of my genuine thoughts and feelings, there's always the knowledge that my continued association with the group is dependent upon my falling within their acceptable parameters. Should I fail in that, should the degree of my existence that lies outside their acceptable parameters reach a critical threshold, I will be disposed of and no longer associated with.
Its really hard to feel safe enough to express my genuine thoughts and feelings. I just want to find people who I belong with, cause as it currently stands I feel deeply isolated from anyone and everyone when it comes to groups.
Anyway, I was in a large group of lesbians, trans and cis, last night. And I didn't feel like I didn't belong, but I did not feel any sense of belonging. A sea of faces that should have made me feel joy to look at, and instead I just feel fear and apprehension and uncertainty and distrust. I dont know what to do or how to perform, and its incredibly difficult for me. There's a reason I like people telling me what to do, it makes things clear, it makes things understandable.
I would really like to feel like I belong one day, for more than just a few weeks or a handful of months. It would be nice if it was along the lines of transness, but really just anything would be nice. Just a space where I dont have to perform and can be truly open and honest.
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This shit is so real.
Maybe it's a situation where if you just be open and honest, what remains afterwards is what you were seeking all along. It's the only real test. But it's scary.
::: spoiler spoiler
It is scary. And it is kinda the only way to do it but just, idk. I know im overly fearful of social correction and being discarded. Its hard to power through the automatic and learned behaviors. They keep me safe, but prevent me from being with others.
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I mean yeah, I often don't practice what I preach, and do a lot of self-censorship, even on this site. The idea of losing what you already have is terrifying. It'd be a lot easier if we were "normie" enough that our authentic selves could fit into most places. But this isn't our luxury.
If I had a way to overcome this fear, I'd have overcome it myself already
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This is how I think I'd feel with being in trans spaces. Its how I felt when I was around the only trans person who used to be in my social circles, making it more stressful being around them than cis people who just don't care. Trying to manage that while in a group setting would be so much worse.
::: spoiler spoiler Yeah... I dont understand why queer people/queer spaces/queerness in general is so alienating for me. I dont feel like I fit there. Honestly, half of it is wanting to fit there. Also I'm godawful tall, like, head and shoulders above the crowd, so there's more attention on me. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't anxiety about being known. Dont fuck up anything, or say anything embarrassing, or reveal what a mess you are, cause everyone will remember you. I have that 2x rep perk, cause I'm just so memorable
I dont like the uncertainty of social interactions. At least with cis het men there's a rulebook I can follow. Its a pretty dogshit rulebook and sucks ass and I want to go home and cry after needing to follow it, but its there. Queer spaces everyone says "be yourself" but there's way more to it than that, with caveats and gotchas. Besides, I dont even know myself. How can I be who I dont know? "Be loud and proud!" but when I raise my voice I can see how everyones view of me shifts (and its not in a good way, with the sideeyeing and whatnot).
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For me, I think part of my problem was my own insecurities about my identity. I happened to meet them basically right as I realized I wasn't cis in some way at almost 30yos but was still trying to figure out what that meant and was quickly changing what labels I thought did or did not apply to me, so I was more worry about being seen as fake due to my own uncertainty. Either I continue as I have been and just seem like a cis guy or I try out knew things and feel like I'm trying just playing a different roll (even if it was actually the opposite). Now I think I'm a lot more self-confident in my identity that I don't think it would be nearly as much of an issue, but I'm still just a coward about presenting how I would like and also don't know what that even would be still (and won't ever know unless I actually try new things....).spoiler
GOOD post, and such a mood.