(CW: Some talk about dysphoria) I’ve got some questions regarding trans stuff as an egg. (hexbear.net)

submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by Comp4@hexbear.net to c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns@hexbear.net

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I think I have basically no dysphoria or almost none. Is this common, or does it mean I’m not trans?

My position is kind of simple—I actually enjoy being a dude; it’s pretty rad most of the time. Yet, I like women, desire them, and sometimes I want to be them.

That said, there are some important caveats. I’m completely fine growing old as a man, but I dread the idea of aging as a woman. That might be internalized misogyny, but it is what it is. I also feel like I’m building something in my life, and becoming a trans woman of color (I’m Black) wouldn’t exactly help my goals; it would make everything harder I assume.

On top of that, I’ve recently started to live. I meet people in real life, I have a partner, and I’m learning to cook. For the last 5-7 years, I was a reclusive hermit who mostly went to work and lurked online. I feel like if I want to transition, I should do it within the next year, but it’s all a bit much.

I came out to an online friend as trans about 10 years ago, and they were pretty chill about it, but I walked it back. Fast forward to now—I recently told my partner that I’m thinking about transitioning, and they were very supportive and sweet. However, the more I think about it, the more I’m starting to get cold feet.

I can’t think of many bigger, more impactful decisions than transitioning, aside from becoming a parent or getting drafted into a large war, maybe. I think people who transition are very brave, but at my core, I’ve always been a lazy coward

Any input is welcome. If it matters im also in my mid 30s.

EDIT . Yes I made a somewhat similar thread some time ago...but circumstances change.

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[-] pooh@hexbear.net 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

So, before I realized I was trans, I didn't think I had dysphoria because at the time I wasn't sure what it really was. The thing that ended up cracking my egg wide open was this article: https://zinniajones.medium.com/depersonalization-in-gender-dysphoria-widespread-and-widely-unrecognized-baaac395bcb0

This basically describes things I've been dealing with my entire life, but never realized could be connected. Once I saw this I started connecting the dots and it was suddenly very clear to me that I was trans. I'd be curious if you think any of these things mentioned in the article apply to you:

A sense of detachment or estrangement from your own thoughts, feelings, or body: “I know I have feelings but I don’t feel them”
Feeling split into two parts, with one going through the motions of participating in the world and one observing quietly: “There is this body that walks around and somebody else just watches”
Feeling as if you have an “unreal” or absent self: “I have no self”
Experiencing the world as distant, dreamlike, foggy, lifeless, colorless, artificial, like a picture with no depth, or less than real
Being absorbed in yourself and experiencing a compulsive self-scrutiny or extreme rumination
Having an ongoing and coherent dialogue with yourself
Feeling like a veil or glass wall separates you from the world
Emotional or physical numbness, such as a feeling of having a head filled with cotton
Lacking a sense of agency or spontaneity — feeling flat, robotic, dead, or like a “zombie”, as if merely “going through the motions”
Difficulty imagining a future for yourself
Being able to think clearly, but feeling as if some essential quality is lacking from your thoughts or experience of the world
A sense of disconnectedness from life, impeding you from creative and open involvement with the world

Also for context, this is a comment I made prior to realizing I was trans, describing my feelings at that time:

Hmmmm... Yeah I usually don't think I would be trans just because I don't feel like I have a strong desire to switch genders completely, and I don't think I have strong physical dysphoria. However, I also am (and I think always have been) uncomfortable with my "maleness" in a lot of ways, and a lot of things I'm reading here apply to me. Also kind of related I guess, yesterday I was talking in a discord chat about how in high school I'd sometimes paint my nails or wear this skirt I had, and I was thinking people probably have suspicions with me talking about that. Really I think maybe I'm a bit more non-binary than I feel like I'm allowed to be, but I'm also physically very "male" so I don't realistically know what I could possibly do with that information in the real world.

Does this seem at least a little bit familiar and/or something you can relate to? I'd recommend taking the advice that was given to me here, which is to experiment a bit and see how it makes you feel. Maybe try women's clothes, or make up, or just close your eyes and try to imagine yourself as a woman. How does it make you feel? Is it something you would want to explore a little more?

[-] Edie@hexbear.net 2 points 1 week ago

Feeling as if you have an “unreal” or absent self: “I have no self”

What is "self"?

this post was submitted on 03 Oct 2024

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