Nice.

my onionbrained reflex just said versus No It Won't

idk guy preventing nuclear armageddon sounds pretty goddamned political if you ask me

it has been a 200+ upbears kind of week hasn't it

last week, I dissolved the band, won't get back together, na

crass jokes not landing, i make eight hundred grand, stayin' civil, we won't get back together again (la la la la la)

literally the most racist take Forbes has ever run

how about, instead of lowering the age so mrbeast can run for president, lets lower mrbeast into a vat of piranhas

two taftisms, pick your favorite:

taft would go walk in the rose garden and hide from his staff. when they sent someone to find him, he'd jump out from hiding and try to scare the bejeezus out of them. then he'd laugh till he was crying red in the face

and then:

taft would invite foreign dignitaries to breakfast, where he had the kitchen specially prepare cold gruel to be served. taft would explain that it was one of his favorites. when the gruel came he would watch the table and let his guests debase themselves to praise the president's favorite cold gruel, while not touching his own meal. then, once everybody had finished, he would put his full, untouched bowl of gruel on the floor for his patiently waiting dog. breakfast with william howard taft, there you go

both of these are true because i learned them in AP US History, as you know an AP US History teacher cannot tell a lie (the george washington curse)

sir your vehicle has testicular cancer

chiquita, formerly the united fruit company, which, well, you know... (wikipedia)

The Banana Massacre was a massacre of workers of the United Fruit Company, now Chiquita, that occurred between December 5 and 6, 1928, in the town of Ciénaga near Santa Marta, Colombia. A strike began on November 12, 1928, when the workers ceased to work until the company would reach an agreement with them to grant them dignified working conditions. After several weeks with no agreement, in which the United Fruit Company refused to negotiate with the workers, the conservative government of Miguel Abadía Méndez assigned Cortés Vargas as military chief in Magdalena department and sent 700 from the Colombian Army in against the strikers, resulting in the massacre of 47 to 2,000 people.

lmao that is certainly a range, wikipedia. which do you think the real total is closer to, hm?

contrapoints quote dunking bjg quote dunking medhi hasan

can somebody squish me with a comically large wooden mallet, I would like to be rid of this moment for good

lol hi-fi rush came out of nowhere, sold really well and was critically lauded, what are these money freaks thinking