this post was submitted on 01 Jan 2024
319 points (94.7% liked)

Funny

10461 readers
1119 users here now

General rules:

Exceptions may be made at the discretion of the mods.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 103 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (3 children)

'Billionaires bodies are filled with candy and they want you to retrieve it by any means necessary': the new conspiracy coming to life online.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 17 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Is it true that when you chop off a billionaires head, two more grow in its place?

[–] Goldmage263@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Not quite. They do die, but they will form a new head and body in hell before coming back to cause more suffering. The more suffering their corporation causes, the faster they regenerate.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 11 points 2 years ago (3 children)
[–] WaxedWookie@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago (2 children)

The best kind... You know the kind you like but way, way way better - it's an absolute must-try.

[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Mmmmmm, I love free and extremely delicious candy.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Socsa@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

What if it's that weird salty swedish candy though?

[–] WaxedWookie@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

Nothing to worry about - you'll love it!

[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Thats the thing. No one knows.

[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I love surprises, I hope I get the following:

-Salty Balls
-Gummy Skulls
-Jelly Brains
-Candied Intestine
-Twix-Fingers

Edit: Formatting

[–] Moobythegoldensock@lemm.ee 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

You have to crack ‘em open to find out.

[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 3 points 2 years ago

What should I use?

A large stick?
A baseball bat?
A night watchman mace?
A Double Headed War Hammer XL?
Skull Flail?
A fancy pimp cane?

Gotta have the right tool to get that candy.

[–] Kase@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

Omg a piñata?? And it's not even my birthday!

[–] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 25 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Everybody be like "space is fake" til they get a lungfull of it.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 years ago (2 children)

To be fair, there's nothing there.

[–] FiskFisk33@startrek.website 18 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

well, there's about 10 atoms per cubic metre

[–] SuckMyWang@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

There’s a vacuum. Lungs + vacuum = some mild discomfort at the least

[–] AFaithfulNihilist@lemmy.world 24 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It's a conspiracy by Big Void to sell us more nothing.

[–] rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 24 points 2 years ago

I've been to "space" and there was nothing there.

[–] FriendOfElphaba@sh.itjust.works 20 points 2 years ago

Allspacesarefake.Don’tfallfortheirtricks.

[–] smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 19 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Volume is fake, everything is 2D.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

How do you do, fellow flatlander?

[–] Mango@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] extant@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] Mango@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] lugal@lemmy.ml 16 points 2 years ago (4 children)

Isn't that part of flat earth?

[–] deus@lemmy.world 35 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

They've got it all wrong. Space is flat and Earth is fake.

[–] metaStatic@kbin.social 3 points 2 years ago

space is flat though

[–] minibyte@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

All existence is a daydream. Reality and perception are one and the same.

[–] vexikron@lemmy.zip 14 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

At this point, basically yes.

While there used to be more diversity of impossible nonsense theories attempting to explain 'the flat earth', at this point a large, or at least loud majority of flat earthers have landed on the old school biblical interpretation that the earth is a flat disk with a giant dome around it.

The sun and moon do logically impossible nonsense 'orbits' that widen and tighten around the north pole, that can be trivially disproven by just having two people in different spots on the real Earth and measuring their viewing angle off the horizon of the Sun or Moon at the same time.

Also, somehow light from the sun casts a cone of light as if it has a lampshade instead of just out in all directions.

The sun and moon are also inside the great celestial dome.

Sometimes the moon is a hologram.

Sometimes the stars are a hologram, other times they are fixed into the dome, other times its some magic mystical nonsense that is not even parsable in english as a coherent concept.

They also have largely abandoned the idea of gravity, opting for 'buoyancy' as the sole reason why things on Earth fall or float.

People have attempted to explain to them countless times that buoyancy requires gravity to work and they always disagree.

So, they think that theres a giant dome in the sky and that all the stars are some kind of 'not as they appear' and then they /can't/ be actual stars the way stellar formation theory says because they already know that requires gravity which they do not believe in.

You cannot penetrate the sky dome, so all space missions beyond what we would call low earth orbit are fake and hoaxes to them.

Yup.

[–] lugal@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 years ago

Yes and no. You describe it as a scientific theory which it is not.

To really understand flat earth, you have to understand the "copernican desillution" (there is a similar term for that but I can't find it). If the earth goes around the sun instead of the other way around, we are just an insignificant planet moving around just an insignificant star.

Flat earth puts the earth back to the center, where is always belonged, and goes all in on that by making it flat again

I have no idea, but I wouldn't credit them with consistency either.

[–] ChicoSuave@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Sounds like they need exposure therapy to space and seeing earth from a distance.

[–] RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago

"Yeah, you see all those lights in the sky? They drones put there by the government to make us think we're small."

[–] andrew_bidlaw@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

I vouch for a programme,

a grant, or a constitutional right,

to shoot any consenting person into space

to see what Earth really is, with no return.

[–] RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Just make sure they're not a flat earthen or else they won't accept the truth.

[–] andrew_bidlaw@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 years ago

And I'd say let them believe. For as long as their O2 supply lasts.

[–] SurfinBird@lemmy.ca 12 points 2 years ago

Turtles all the way down

[–] BoastfulDaedra@lemmynsfw.com 11 points 2 years ago (1 children)

"There is no such thing as space. " --Space Core

[–] RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Is that a Portal2 reference?

[–] ArcaneGadget@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

SSSPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACEE!!!

[–] glitches_brew@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago (1 children)

So a government installed the stars that were used to navigate ships for many centuries? Interesting 🤔

[–] Goldmage263@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 years ago

Those are obviously small holes in the bubble dome that keeps hot potato soup from smothering our world.

[–] j4k3@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

- A satirical take on corporate participation in the housing market in the age of neo feudalism. /s

[–] nifty@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

It’s a scheme to get the hoi polloi to not demand space settlements, the billionaires are twirling their mustaches wanting to keep space all to themselves, you see? Nyah.

[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

Space is fake, it’s all just the singularity.