Don't force the contact--locking them in a room together is not a good idea. It'll just terrify the scared cat, and might actually provoke a fight. Make sure she always has a place to retreat to, especially one where the kitten can't get to her (maybe something high up beyond the kitten's jumping ability). I've actually had very good luck with the pheromones. I used Feliway, the one with the "mother cat" pheromone that encourages bonding, every time I've introduced a new kitten and it really seems to help. Some cats really just take a long time to warm up, though. Try to discourage the kitten from running up on her too much, and let her go at her own pace. Make sure she feels secure. If she has favorite treats, give them to her with the kitten around so she can form a positive association. They may never be great friends (and that's ok), but you should be able to get her to the point where she's not in a constant state of panic.
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Yeah I'm really thinking forced contact is a bad idea, we won't do that. It was just a thought because part of the problem is Nyx hiding all day means they're not around each other enough to really get used to each other
I'm glad it seems like the pheromone stuff works though, we'll try that.
Exhibit A: squidward
The calming pheromones and some sort of anti anxiety meds and time. That's basically it. Some cats will never fully get along and that's just life.
The google lying machine is at present indicating to me that the pheromones might help but also that she might need some form of cat therapy and/or medication like gabapentin
What are these pheromones? I also have a new cat that im trying to acclimate to the two cats already here. I have the opposite problem in that its the new guy who is aggressive toward the other two. I didnt know you could just buy cat pheromones. What should I look for and where if I wanted to try that?
Feliway is the big one.
Cats are territorial but will share territory with those in the "den". If they never accept each other make sure they both have their own home bases and a fair territorial split between them. IE don't put their food bowls and litter boxes next to each other.
could just take a long time. it took me 4-5months to be able to pet my current cat, he was so skittish at first.
That could be, I'm just kinda thinking we need to do something proactive (and starting to think maybe we should have been trying to treat her anxiety in general, already...) because she's never really displayed less fear after exposure to stressors
I just feel really bad about how scared she is. She's even been hissing at me which she like literally never does :( it feels like i'm watching some nice old grandma get all mean and nasty
You just gotta do your best and give it time. We got a new cat last November and he’s kinda just now getting along with the other two cats. Which those other two cats lived together for 4 years before they would even lay on the couch/bed at the same time. A new cat is a big change just try to keep them safe
The calming pheromone thing really helped out my brothers anxious cat who has terrible stress related gi issues due to being a rescue. It might be worth a shot if not too pricy.
It can take months for them to adjust to one another. Sometimes a full year before they're comfortable sitting next to each other. Make sure the scared one has a safe space to retreat to and put a calming diffuser close by. Ideally the safe space also has food and water too.
yeah, you gotta think of it like introducing two people to each other. it's gonna take a while for them to live togerher harmoniously. and also it can get fucked up. at one point i had two cats but i'd fucked up the introduction (it was a complicated thing, the second cat came in through the window and it looked like they were friends, but then not really), so things were pretty tense for a while. eventually i gave the second cat away to spare the first.