Ask Lemmy

I mean microslop is pretty dang good

Swasticar

There's a gas station chain called Kum & Go but it's also referred to as Jizz and Jet or Ejaculate and Evacuate.

I have a queer friend that calls his GMC Yukon his Gay Man's Chariot. When we go places in it he usually initiates by saying something like "to the chariot"

Whole Foods -> Whole Paycheck

Walmart is its own insult.

When I had a Samsung TV, I hated it intensely and printed a label that said "scamsung." That TV eventually went to the recyclers with that label still covering the Samsung one.

McDonalds→McDicks→McPenis. I'm mature.

The American embassy for McDonalds

Found On Road Dead

Just Empty Every Pocket

Fix It Again Tony

There’s a trucking company called Swift that gets a lot of flak for hiring inexperienced drivers. One of the nicer ones is So What I Failed Training. The rudest one I’ve heard ends with Toddlers, you can probably work out the rest, but you probably shouldn’t.

Always remember that Microsoft literally means small and limp.

Nintendon't on account of their rabid intellectual property protection and litigious nature.

Works as both what they might say to would-be infringers as well as advice to avoid them. (Which people ignore because Zelda, Mario and childhood memories.)

"Home Despot" is one of my favs from Joey Santore of crime pays but botany doesn't.

Ford = Found On Road Dead

Dodge (n.) - To avoid

Jimmy Johns: similar to Pei Wei & PF Chang's, there is a fancier, more expensive version of the restaurant named James Jonathan.

Fiat: Fix It Again Tony 🤌🏻🤌🏻

Google: it used to be an in joke with my friends to say "giggle it" instead of google it. Now we don't use google of course...

Best Buy: Worst Buy

Target: it is pronounced "tar-jay" because it is the fancy version of Walmart

Food court near me named Choices gets called "Chances".

Pontiac stands for Poor Old Neanderthal Thinks It's A Cadillac.

Samsung --> Samsucks

PlayStation --> PayStation (Not a company name, but close enough)

Electronic Farts

Cockstar Games

Ubibad (pronounced You Be Bad)

Micro$haft (pre-MicroSlop era)

Nintendon't (thank you, SEGA)

Jizzard-Gotnovision

Fiat: Fix It Again Tomorrow, Lotus: Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious

Idiots Become Managers

Broadcum

But I've also just seen IBM and broadcom be used a verb for price hikes or rug pulls.

Cock-a-Cola

Pisspi

Dr. Pecker

Shitzza Hut

Little Weiners

Mountain DooDoo

Ball-Mart

Worst Buy

Shams Club

Panda Sex Press

Sub-standard Way

In our household McDonald's is nearly universally McZargald's, based on the Calvin and Hobbes strip. They're not much good for anything except a reliable place to stop and take a leak when you're on the hyperspace bypass anyway.

Similarly, I don't think anyone in my circle has referred to that Baja Blast, chalupa, and fried chicken establishment as anything other than "Cluckin' Bell" for several decades thanks to the early 3D GTA games.

Before they became Microslop, they were Micro$haft in the IT world. The double entendre is self explanatory.

Some friendlier ones. There was once an expensive camera brand called "Exakta" but Exakta owners affectionately called them "Approxima".

I worked near a slightly fancy Chinese restaurant called Royal East but my coworkers (who went there often) liked to call it "Royal Eats".

There was a nearby supermarket called Purity Supreme but people called it Poverty Supreme. That was waaaay before Whole Foods.

Amherst, Massachusetts was sometimes anagrammed to "Hamster". I mean you could address letters that way and they'd get there.

McDoogles and Brogger Krog for mcds and burger king. Not sure why..

McDeath

Burger Death

Needless Markups

Charbucks