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Nor sure if this technically qualifies as positive affirmation, but what helps me is saying:
All you need to do is be (yourself)
"Yourself" is optional. Sometimes I use a variation:
Just be (yourself) The best thing you can do is be (yourself)
Reminds me that there is only one me and it's my job to fill that role. Nobody else can do that as well as me :)
None, those all seem and feel fake. It's like pandering, we do it just because society says we're supposed to do it. Those are just hot air moving out persons mouth.
Edit or just addition: "Negative" affirmations seem to be much more effective and honest. Like "hope is just the first step on a road to disappoinment" or "only in death does duty end" or the Fight clubs unique quote.
When I am.in distress, I repeat that I'm safe, I'm okay, etc. It's true for me, since I'm not in any dire situation or danger, and restating it helps me to calm down my anxious mind.
Just started doing this too - that and an ECG seems to have really helped my heart palpitations
Turns out it was all in my head all along
I always suggest to say something like "I liked that" or "That was nice" or so, and not thanking for something.
Thanking feels like there's a hierarchy (of giver and taker), and I don't want to be part of any hierarchy, neither in the lower nor the upper parts.
I haven't gotten to a point where outside/external affirmation doesn't trigger feelings of worthlessness. Why would anybody give me affirmation? They're just going to leave me in the gutter the best chance they get anyway, so fuck you all.
I got triggered by just writing about it. Jesus. 😭
There is one inside/internal affirmation that I have just recently learned, which is to look at a photo of my five year old self, whom I call "little [real name]", and I give them/myself a hug, actually hugging myself as I'm looking at the picture. I also say, "it's going to be alright. You are going to be alright." This can give me the strength to take on the world. At least for that day.
I absolutely understand what you mean. Saying positive stuff to yourself doesn't work when you hate yourself. It feels gross.
The affirmation that finally clicked with me was "you are a human being".
It doesn't imply anything fake positive about yourself. And it's a factual statement that cannot be argued, not an opinion.
But think about what it implies. A human being literally cannot be perfect. You are not a robot. That is the very nature of being human. I used to tell myself "you should know better" or "you should do better" frequently. Because I'm me and I know right from wrong and so I hated myself for not meeting said expectations.
But those expectations were not realistic. Because I'm not a robot. You're not a robot. We are human beings. Human beings by definition cannot be perfect, even tho some appear like they may be. And that is ok. You still deserve love and compassion. You deserve it because you are a flawed human being.
I find that I don't need to say it to myself much anymore nowadays, but I truly think it did help me to heal.
That's a great tool!
my favorite lately has been "good girl". i say it to myself in my head when i do something hard, or well, or especially when i do something that feels good that i would normally feel bad for enjoying. its got a sexual connotation sure, and i do use it that way, but its also not at all. it feels like theres really a sad hurt little girl inside me who never got told she was doing a good job even when she was trying her best, and she needs it most of all. normally affirmations feel stupid and hokey to me but "good girl" works.
That's a good girl ™
Not to be confused with, "damn! Such a good girl ❤️🔥"
Seriously, I really like your comment. Thank you for sharing.
My wife is the same in that she loves to hear it (in either setting), despite having a Hall of fame coach for a Dad who always encouraged and supported her (except that time he called her a whore twenty five years ago). I know in slacking when she comes to me and asks, "I'm doing good, right? You're proud of me?" I hate when I let it get that far between reminders of how amazing she is.
You ARE a good girl, regardless of the context. 🫂
PS ...Not that you need to hear this from a random dude with BD.
"I like your voice!"
Worked hard on that for medical reasons and I can take a compliment very well if I actually did put the work in. This one makes me light up every single time.