My master, Satan, says we should have premarital sex immediately
It's a win either way
this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2026
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I dated a religious girl for three years. Her mom was a pastor at a small church. She was a regular practicing Christian. Definitely had some habits and customs I wasn't used to. I mostly just nodded along and was polite.
Never really caused us problems long term. We ended up breaking up after our jobs pulled us in different directions. We're still good friends and we regularly keep in touch.
Someone claiming to have a GF on 4chan - especially in 2026 - is extremely sus. Sounds fake and/or gay to me. Don't take it too seriously.
Oddly, the two super churchy women I've "been with" ended up leaving the church afterwards. Maybe OP should do a little 🫰🤌🤏 to her 🍑 and see what happens.
This dude knows how to do it
"thats the devil talkin' "
"Listen, your mon had a heatstroke. This isn't a demonic attack. It's common knowledge that this happens when doing hard work in extreme heat. I can't be with someone who's family believes that demons are behind common medical conditions. In other words: your family is insane and I can't date you anymore. Bye"
How dare you sir, don't deny my faith! /s
Anon should just tell the parable of the drowning man and then just say, that's why I'm breaking up with you.
There's only one way: Anon should simulate fainting like the mom and then explain that god told them they have to break up.
Nothing pisses religious nutjobs more than telling them that God spoke to you and said you were holier than they are.
Speak it in Latin and claim you don't know what Latin even is. Then use Google Translate like some time later and tell her.
If she ask any questions just say the usual, "God works in mysterious ways", "maybe this is a test from God like in the book of Job", or "are you questioning my faith or yours?"
"I think the demon attached itself from you. If God favored you then He'd protect you from them, I think someone in your family is harboring a Dark Presence. We're unequally yoked."
I'd wake up and say "God says that he's pissed that you keep doing dangerous stuff, and expecting Him to pull your sorry asses out of the fire. He says it ends now, and you're on your own. If you pass out in the hot summer sun, you're going to die, and your constant annoyances mean that your place in heaven is not secure. He's not real thrilled about have to live in close proximity, whee you'll be dropping by every day for coffee. He thinks Satan ought be able to settle y'all down a bit. Just something to think about...oh yeah, Sweetie? We're over. Bye!"
I remember playing this 3 day LARP, the kind with pre-written in-depth characters and story that is played over 3 days strait in characeter, in Wierd Wild West setting, where I played a Trapper that was about to marry someone from the local village, my family was married into but my parents died shortly after.
It eventually turned out that the whole village is a cult that eats people to keep some kind of evil imprisoned, and my fiance's family is the one spiritually leading it, and I still can't forget the nights spent trying to reasonably argue and discuss with my fiance that it's definitely not ok and we should just leave.
I obviously never had to have discussions like this in real life, but it was pretty interesting how extremely futile it is. They have so many arguments you can't say anything against. Once they start with "But this is our purpose given to us by God, if we don't do this the whole world will end", or "It was God's will, you will understand soon", you really don't have much to say to that to get through.
Of course, it was just a LARP and she played her character well, but now I can pretty vividly imagine that talking to someone who's so much into anything like that is extremely difficult, to the point of being futile.
(I managed to convince her to leave, the winning argument was "Your grandmother tried to poison me, here is proof", lol).
The thing with RPG worlds is, when the characters are saying these kinds of things there's a good chance that this is actually and demonstrably how that RPG world works and they're not just a bunch of grifters.
Oh, it was definitely how that world worked, and she played that role really well.
But, the experience (especially in multi-day nonstop LARPs, where you immerse into the world and your character really extensively) is pretty indistinguishable from real-life. At least in how you perceive it. For the few days, your life has these problems now. And you just accept it and get into it, and don't even consider a difference between real and "imaginary" problems. It's hard to describe, tbh.
I was not trying to imply that any of the involved people were grifters, I was mostly talking about the experience of being in a situation like that, where you have to actually talk to someone like that. I'm pretty sure that there wouldn't be much of a difference between talking to someone who can roleplay well and has spend two days in their character, vs. talking to someone who spent most of their life being indoctrinated like this.
Or rather, the problem-solving part of it. I had literal days in that world to figure out how to approach this, what to say so it would work in that situation, how to argue with her. I didn't come up with anything that would work, and things that I came up with were swiftly rebated by fanatic religious speeches. Just like she had a pretty easy time of coming up with arguments I couldn't say much against, that would still be perfectly in-character, as she told me after the LARP.
EDIT: I may have misunderstood your comment, sorry :D. Yes, you are right, it was how the world worked - we did eventually all died because some kind of evil has been awakened, lol. But that doesn't change anything about the experience of having to argue with someone who's indoctrinated in a cult vs. you, who don't believe in stuff like that. It's difficult. From my point of view, they were grifters, because I had no indication of proof of what they are saying, so I did my best to figure out what to do or say, and I couldn't come up with anything.
As someone who grew up in a conservative, Baptist home, I can tell you that this 100% isn't the most insane thing I've heard or seen, but it falls right in line.
My cousin wouldn't let his daughter watch Wicked because they whisper a spell during the movie.
I literally asked "Are you fucking serious?"
The query went right by his perception of me questioning his sanity as if I was making a remark in regards to the film itself.
Yeah, man. They're everywhere.
"r-right."
My parents nearly didn't let me read or watch Harry Potter "cuz witchcraft". There is a lot of stupid out there.
Insane how grown ass adults believe in absolute fairy tales written by the rich/kings to keep the lower classes subservient. In 2026.
I'd love to ask someone in the 1940s what they'd think of 2026. I bet they'd think we were all living on other planets and half cyborg by now. But nah. Trillionaires.
I feel like a trillionaire in 2026 would not be that surprising to someone from the 1940s, considering they had billionaires back then too.
Right. But I'm not sure they'd think this much wealth disparity would still exist with all the technology.
Yep. My mom is the last thing I hold any level of doubt for. I let her have her Christian thises and thats and I indulge her just enough to keep her happy. She was and is a great, loving mother who deserves to go out comfortably, and I'm seeing to it.
.. but the very week she's gone, the filter is off and is never going back on. No one else deserves it and it literally sucks the life out of me to nod along to someone else's insanity when they're around. It's draining.
I have to wash off with NetGeo documentaries, Nova episodes and Twain essays after every visit.
I think my father in law still believes Hurricane Katrina was a punishment to the people of New Orleans from God Himself. I've never heard him say similar things about other natural disasters though.
My parents told me that the Clinton's, Gates family, and other influential people go to masquerade parties where they murder babies and wear their skin ask masks. And they were 100% serious.
In the world of Epstein Island revelations, there is some fucked up stuff out there, but I'm pretty sure we'd know if people were mass slaughtering babies for fun.
When Anon breaks up with her they will claim he was a demon sent to test their faith.
I'd probably talk to the girl and see if she holds the same beliefs. She's Christian, yes, but there are plenty of people raised in such families that use the term out of familiarity, but don't share the extreme views of their parents.
Though with that said, even if the girl isn't off the deep end, I'd understand that having her parents as potential in-laws could be a bridge too far.
Tell her you're a demon sent to attack her vagina.
Literally the same interaction between religion and reality as The Spirit Catches You And You Fall Down. Except without the language and cultural discontinuity.
Oh, it's too late for Anon. If he tries to leave her, the family will consider it a demon attack, and surround them both until they fuck in front of them. Then it'll be brought up every thanksgiving.
Hmm i don't think demons would attack the most favoured by God. Or rather, not in that way - demons are supposed to be packaged up with every time that YOU sin, they can't just randomly go "TURN EVIL! TURN EVIL! TURN EVIL!"
They can if you have a persecution fetish
Ha ha ha, jesus christ.
Get on floor, walk the dinosaur
They don't believe in dinosaurs though.
Get on the floor, walk the demonsaur
Heathens
I just asked if she really believes in all this. Answer was not really but you know, family ties and the community is nice.
Impossible challenge: have a greentext without it being about a 'girl'
fake: anon talks to a girl
gay: self explanatory
girls are pretty neat tho
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