Greentext

im not staying alive for their fucking feelings. if they cared that much they could have treated me like a human being when i was a kid. im staying alive for my cats. and yeah it means i love them more than my shitty parents.

Does everyone in this comment section have a horrible relationship with their father??

What the hell, am I the only one here NOT hating my parents??

Wait til they're dead like the considerate son/daughter you are.

My dad killed himself so he beat me to it.

I held his jacket and was glad I didn't see his body honestly. Good on that paramedic

Lost one of my boys a little over a year ago. Still get crippled with grief from time to time - maybe every other day now instead of multiple times a day. It gets easier, but never easy. In the process of getting a ring with some of his ashes built into them and I think that'll be pretty special to get to bring him everywhere I go.

Not looking for condolences, just wanted to put this perspective out there in a sea of folks who seemed to have bad relationships with their parents. To those: I'm sorry. I can't imagine.

My dad was a drunk and made sure I learned every racist term in the book before I was 12. I'm sure he'd be devastated if I managed to kill myself, without ever realizing how much he contributed to the desire in the first place.

My life has only gotten better since he died. Rest in piss old man, I'm glad you're dead.

I don't think I could handle being a paramedic for this reason. The memories just build and they get so many.

I've witnessed death myself upclose as family members died. Their final moments burned in forever.

Those memories never fade, you just distract yourself from it. But the memory is always waiting for when you recall a time together with them. There is that fucking final moment again, like a punctuation on a good thought.

To have that be part of a job, even if they are not related has to weigh heavily. They don't get paid nearly enough for that burden.

As an old and retired paramedic myself, there are definitely parts of me, as a human being, that will never grow back. And I worked in a rural area where you work on neighbors, family, and friends mostly. It was never easy to explain to the family that might be present that not me or god could fix what was wrong. I also did a few suicides over the years. Never easy and they leave a mark that won't grow back by morning.

The worst thing about any of it, was meeting a family member in a cafe or store in our small town. And they would invariably come up to me and give me a hug and tell me how grateful they were that I was there for them. Despite the fact I couldn't do shit for the dead person beyond calling dispatch and telling them to send law enforcement to come and do their paperwork and secure the scene until the funeral home got there to haul the body away.

A classic. This one hit me hard when it was first written

Boots on the ground

They'll cut you off at the ankles

And throw the rest away

A similar experience I had was when I saw my mom cry and pay respects to my grandpa for the last time as he was sent to be cremated.

I respected my grandfather but as we lived half way across the world, I wasn't emotionally attached to him and didn't feel very sad. But seeing my mom, usually a very silly lady and a very strong, loving grandma herself, turn into a daughter saying goodbye to her dad in tears for that split second broke my heart.

I think its what i fear the most with my son. He's a toddler, but life goes by fast and one day he'll be grown with his own problems to solve. I just give him everything i can, from love to time to entertainment, and i wish i'll do a good enough job for him to come seek refuge to me rather than with the tool to end his life.

I love him so much, just sharing because this anon shook me with this story.

I saw my dad lose his best friend to suicide in my teens. I've struggled with suicidal ideation since before even that. I'm not close to my dad, I have lots of issues with the man, but I can never put him through that again, no matter what.

A large part of my younger self wanted to be a paramedic. But I quickly realized I didn't have the emotional resilience to be one.

I remember watching Nic Cage in "Bringing out the Dead" (Excellent film by the way) and that movie putting the big ol' nope on that plan once and for all in the early 2000's.

Not a paramedic, but my mother was once a nurse in a hospital. Gave up on the job (where ahe was actually well paid) and switched careers because she couldn't handle seeing people die every day.

So do it after Dad dies is what I'm reading.

kinda makes me want to do it to hurt my dad but tbh he would probably still not realize that he's the reason

dw i'm not suicidal but yeah

Thinking about how my family would feel was/is probably my biggest concern of it all.

unfortunately this happens on a daily basis in places like Palestine

For years I lived right by the sea. I had plenty of alcohol and medications. the prevailing currents would've swept my body across the border into a hostile country, where no one who found it would've cared. I don't live to spare anyone else's feelings, not least those who would mourn me as dead for living the life I want to live. I live because I deserve it, I deserve my family's respect and care while we're both here, and I don't need anyone else's shame.

To live on solely for obligation and guilt isn't living at all, and anyone who wishes that on someone else just so they can remain a half-dead trophy they can congratulate themselves for "saving" can eat shit. If you're reading this and you need to hear something, keep going. Keep trying. We live in an insane world; sometimes you have to try the same thing over and over so you can get different results. Live another day and see what happens. Not for anyone else, but because it's a shame to miss out on this wild a ride.

This post honestly just pisses me off. Your life is worth living. Not your parents' child's life. Yours.