Ask Lemmy

I encourage you to find a good therapist if you haven’t already. Be consistent and be honest with them and yourself.

This is not me saying you’re crazy. This is me saying the internet is not a safe place to help you with a problem like this. What you experienced was not okay. Given your age and the highly sexual content you are posting I would recommend taking a break and understanding why you’re doing what you’re doing and what you are getting from it.

Apologies if you don’t need this. Sounds like you’re at a crossroads. No slut shaming here. Slut on!

We're all products of our environment.

The ironic part about your statement is that you seem to have negative feelings towards your parents open sexuality, but there are cultures where that's within the realm of normal. It just so happens that the environment you were raised in outside your home happens to consider the environment you were raised in inside your home dysfunctional.

Especially in areas of extreme poverty, there often isn't enough space for privacy, so it just isn't a thing. If you have a single room hut with 14 children... that didn't happen because the parents snuck off into the bushes every time. It's not considered improper or dysfunctional.

I am the product of my fucking environment

The gold standard of visceral hate

An ever flowing stream of misery and violence

Sold up the river, our culture is a plague

- Fit For An Autopsy

I suppose so, there was a moment, senior year high school. I was planning to go to college, really for no other reason than it was the expected plan. Family wasn't rich or anything, I didn't know how I was gonna pay for it but it was the plan. Go to college, graduate, get good job, make lots of money.

A friend who took all the same classes as me, got pretty much the same grades had the exact opposite plan. He was just gonna work at the local pizza place, never even considered college, as far as I can tell he wasn't any richer or poorer, it was just never part of his plan. Find work ... live the rest of his life I guess.

Always wondered if we were raised in the others family what wouldve happened.

Absolutely! The environment you grow in plays a significant role in determining who you become. Some times I wonder what my hobbies would have been if I didn’t grow up with computers. Maybe I would be disassembling engines and gearboxes all day.

"I don't want to be a product of the environment. I want the environment to be a product of ME!"

Everyone is a product of their environment, as well as their genetics and epigenetics. You still have a choice of what to do with all of that. I'm learning to accept everything that happened so there isn't a constant "why me?" noise in my head. The mental quiet will let me make better decisions.

I think it very much affects everyone, but it's also a mirror to you ... you react to your surroundjngs, and have a hand in your own development as a result even if it's just at a subconscious level.

For example, I rebelled against my mother. My sister worked within the system to get away from her.

In other news, I'm glad I never saw my parents have sex ... did get to see a lot of a school friend's kinky parents, though, and it was nice because it was my decision. Consent makes ALL the difference.

I can't tell if this is a shitpost or not. (Intentional or otherwise).

The Nature vs. Nurture is poorly phrased.

We have: (a small selection)

• genetics
• epigenetics
• physical environment
• emotional environment
• information environment
• social environment

All shaping us at the same time. So yes, if you would go back in time and be the same genetic you, but like adopted at birth somewhere else, you would still be you genetically, but everything else would be different.

Maybe better, maybe worse. Even if life brought you down some bad backroads, you never know. Maybe this is the multiverse that takes you to where you really want to be. Your best self. We'll see.

Yes.

No but only because my environment has shaped me to believe that I'm not.

I spent some of my healing time grieving who I might have been if only …

That said 10-ish years from my last round of therapy I find that my life is amazing in ways I could have never predicted. I’m glad I committed to the therapy and the work outside of that.

Yes. To a large degree.

But what else will influence what you become as a person? Your genes. You're 50% of your mothers genes and 50% of your fathers. So that you are similar to them is no surprise.

Very insightful take, violet! From the information you've shared here, I agree and I hope at some point in your life you seek therapeutic help because your upbringing was messed up in very particular ways.

And yes, we all are, partly. We're not pebbles in a river just going with the current though, we have introspection and free will, meaning we have the possibility to choose a different path. 🙏

Yeah, definitely. I spend a lot of time thinking about what things would've been like if I had made different choices.

Yes absolutely.

If I had never immigrated to the US and remained in China, I'd probably be much less accepting of multiculturalism and less comfortable being around people of different races, and also probably less okay with LGBTQ

Like... I doubt I'd be openly hateful... but in that environment, I'd never have the opportunity to be exposed to people to of different skin colors, and the culture would've reinforced the idea that: " LGBTQ = 'weird' "

I'm kinda obsessed with this concept of these two timelines.

There's this timeline of "American Me" vs that other timeline of "Chinese Me"... of what could've been

Like... imagine us two meeting... lmao

Or perhaps there's another version of me that arrived in the US even mych earlier... like at 1 year old or something (contrast with current timeline at 8 years old)...

That version of me would probably be even more "American" and I'd perhaps lose a lot of my "Chinese" part of my identity...

The trajectory of life... from just the difference of one visa stamp...

I mean this obsession of alt-timelines is causing me so much existential crisis lol...

Oh absolutely

Don't worry about it too much. Everyone is fucked up in their own way. At least you seem to be having fun.