One of my favorite fedi folks, @alice@lgbtqia.space, uses getting to know you questions for bot detection. They use the hashtag #CAPTCHAlice and have all their questions on a website here: https://bunnyalice.com/ . I suspect you'll find a lot of good questions to spice up your first date there.
this post was submitted on 12 Apr 2026
11 points (100.0% liked)
Casual Conversation
3901 readers
34 users here now
Share a story, ask a question, or start a conversation about (almost) anything you desire. Maybe you'll make some friends in the process.
RULES
- Be respectful: no harassment, hate speech, bigotry, and/or trolling.
- Encourage conversation in your OP. This means including heavily implicative subject matter when you can and also engaging in your thread when possible.
- Avoid controversial topics (e.g. politics or societal debates).
- Stay calm: Don’t post angry or to vent or complain. We are a place where everyone can forget about their everyday or not so everyday worries for a moment. Venting, complaining, or posting from a place of anger or resentment doesn't fit the atmosphere we try to foster at all. Feel free to post those on !goodoffmychest@lemmy.world
- Keep it clean and SFW
- No solicitation such as ads, promotional content, spam, surveys etc.
Casual conversation communities:
- !casualuk@feddit.uk
- !casualeurope@piefed.social
- !forumlibre@jlai.lu
- !batepapo@lemmy.eco.br
- !esp@lemm.ee
Related discussion-focused communities
- !actual_discussion@lemmy.ca
- !askmenover30@lemm.ee
- !dads@feddit.uk
- !letstalkaboutgames@feddit.uk
- !movies@piefed.social
- !television@piefed.social
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
I would start with the most boring topic, i think we undersestimate them how spicy they can be :
- The weather is sunny.
- yes it is.
- i love sunny day.
- mee too.
just enjoy quietly the sun and sip your beer.
Joke aside, i don't have any good advice, but i love imagining boring conversation.
I believe it depend on the flow. Some people like bold statement, other prefer the long game. Some hate spicy, some love spicy...but what matter is listening to them and that's the most difficult part because we don't tell things directly, like you do for spicy thing. That's a mess. I like telling them wild things, i also enjoy those kind of conversation.
However it depends on the mood and how open at the moment they are. It can completly destroy the dating and our ego.
I think you would have highter chance in some place. For example, people on tinder or okcupid or bubble or wyld don't have the same profil. They are quite different and the cashgrab algorithm work differently.
Same for coffee, bar, restorant, voluntering work...we go to certain place where we fell the most comfortable. What i'm trying to say, maybe it depends on where you meet them or contact them. At least, that's what i understood. maybe i'm wrong, dunno.
Honnestly, you should tell them directly, we have only one life, so let's play :
"Would you be confortable if i tell you a story like that ? I love those kind of conversation."
Or maybe you are tied to a past experience and finding the same kind of interaction will be very hard. So you will be never sastified and later you will enjoy other side that you haven't noticed before.
“Oversharing” has been shown to actually make people more comfortable with you. You don’t want over do it but telling an embarrassing or wild story from your past would work. Obviously, you’ll want to work it into the conversation as naturally as possible. And tell it with confidence—not bragging but not sheepishly.
I’ve found that the best way to really get to know someone is to work on a task or project with them. Escape rooms are good entertainment form of this. Doing a volunteer date would be good, too, but might be weird for a first date.
When in doubt, sing I'm a little teapot.
I sang that to a woman 30 years ago. She has been my wife for the last 25 years.
"You have beautiful eyes...."
(Response doesn't matter)
"May I have them?"
"You have such a nice face"
(Response doesn’t matter)
"I'd love to wear it"
Certainly will be a conversation to remember
Some times I'd just ask "so what do you do for fun?", and then follow up. People usually like talking about their interests. I don't care nearly so much about their work and family. If they're huge into metal, or play football in a rec league, I want to know.
If you're lucky, one of their funs will be something you can talk about.
Same, I already do that, but that's not spicy. I'd have those same conversations with a colleague at work
I would recommend sticking with that strategy and working on it. Going too "spicy" too soon is risky, and doesn't really pay off better than finding someone who clicks with you on medium heat topics like "you saw Caroline rose play?? How was it?"
My girlfriend says that it's often more about flow than content. A well executed conversation about a common topic will go farther than an awkward foray into "so you ever done coke?"
I specifically made this post because I'm keen to experiment with more risky topics, if it doesn't work then I'll adjust or go back to more tame things.
I'm fine not playing it safe, if that puts some people off, that's fine, I've had dates like that in the past and they were great, so want to recreate that.
I obviously don't want to do this "an awkward foray into “so you ever done coke?”" this whole post is about finding a way to bring up topics you wouldn't talk about at work, but in a natural or not awkward way. Dates of mine have done this, so it's possible, and I'll like to figure out how
I always went for possible shared life experiences, and went from there. For example, "Hey, have you been to the Rijksmuseum lately?". You can follow that up with questions about their favorite piece, what they thought about it, how it made them feel, etc. You can guide the conversation with any other possible experiences (bike rides, theatre, etc). I avoid movies, tv, or anything else that involves the person just sitting at home. You want to avoid date conversation that sounds and feels like a job interview.
PS: Sometimes you just don't click with someone, no matter how hard you try to start a conversation.
Just go completely unhinged. Instead of basic, boilerplate stuff, ask questions like, "What does your hair taste like?" "How many days has it been since your last rectal exam?" or, "Would you mind if I photoshopped my face onto yours in all your family photos?"
If they don't respond positively, they're not the one for you, and you should move on.