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How do I spice up first date conversations? (piefed.social)

submitted 8 hours ago by Ek-Hou-Van-Braai@piefed.social to c/casualconversation@piefed.social

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I'm early 30's and got out of a bad relationship last year, and I've been going on a bunch of dates the last few months to find a kind and good partner.

I average about 2 first-dates a week, but I almost always feel a lack of chemistry and spark, the dates have almost become routine and I'm tired of the same old questions

How long have you been living in Amsterdam?
How's your family?
How's your job?
What are your hobbies etc. ?
Bla bla bla bla.

The times I did hit it off with a girl and it lead to follow up dates and/or a fling they asked some spicy and intimate questions and that made the conversation exciting and us connect on a deeper level.

The one girl steered the conversation to drugs, sex our experiences in therapy, childhood trauma etc. and fuck that was so engaging and fun and we hit it off. Unfortunately that only ended up in a fling and I want something more serious.

I'm not sure how to recreate that, I don't feel super comfortable steering the convo to a sexual nature and/or deeply personal things as a guy, I don't wana seem like a creep 🤷🏼‍♀️ but maybe I'm overthinking it.

Anyway how I can spice up first-date conversations?

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[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

I always went for possible shared life experiences, and went from there. For example, "Hey, have you been to the Rijksmuseum lately?". You can follow that up with questions about their favorite piece, what they thought about it, how it made them feel, etc. You can guide the conversation with any other possible experiences (bike rides, theatre, etc). I avoid movies, tv, or anything else that involves the person just sitting at home. You want to avoid date conversation that sounds and feels like a job interview.

PS: Sometimes you just don't click with someone, no matter how hard you try to start a conversation.

[–] Ek-Hou-Van-Braai@piefed.social 0 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

I already do that, but that's not spicy. I'd have those same conversations with a colleague at work

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 0 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (1 children)

I think I didn't communicate the conversation progression well. You start with the innocuous shared experience and use it to navigate towards the more spicy subject matters. Jumping head first into stuff like childhood trauma, unprompted, can be cringe and very off putting. It also can pressure people into making stuff up to entertain what is essentially a stranger.

[–] Ek-Hou-Van-Braai@piefed.social 1 points 1 hour ago

Yea sure of course I won't just start off spicy, but transitioning into spicy is what I'm not yet sure how to do