The Onion should start writing headlines that come from a world where Trump is a sane and rational person.
this post was submitted on 06 Apr 2026
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That would be even more depressing, somehow.
"National health care passes - Cancer, depression, and bankruptcy rates plummet"
Honestly, I'd accept Trump taking all the credit and putting his ugly face on every hospital if it meant good service
Why are they censoring themselves?
They’re quoting a trump tweet.
Yeah that's what I'm getting at, the og trump post wasn't censored
You sure about that?
saying "Fucking" is more offensive than praising Allah.
Holy fuckin shit it's this one comment every single post. You know exactly why words are censored on social media sites.
Because capitalism chopped everyone's gonads off?
Mind your fucking profanity
Tongue punch my chocolate starfish.
tongue punch my chocolate starfish yourself, you coward
You know exactly why words are censored on social media sites.
I actually don't know why mild swear words like "bastard" are self-censored on the neo-Nazi social media website like a superstitious 12-year-old on XBL who thinks their parents might be home so whispers "you're a dumbass bitch" 2 centimeters from the mic.
Please, enlighten us what would happen to this user if they said "bastard" without the asterisk like it makes any difference to "dah algurathamm!!1"
Algorithms prefer no swearwords. Many parts of the internet are obsessed with the possibility of going viral.
Personally I also think it's engagementbait, for the same reason OP got a little mad at the same question over and over again.
Right. This place had like ten things it talks about and is a subset of the most insufferable of us from Reddit. It has a great benefit though, in that I spend vastly less time online these days.
My question is more why are they censoring themselves when the person they're parodying didn't? When the person they are parodying holds likely the highest office in the world today and they themselves are just some random poster?
Chick-fil-A is part of the Trump cult. Never give them your business.
also chicken is against my religion if you needed another reason.
I haven't heard of that yet. How?
Cracker Barrel is practically part of the MAGA family, but Trump still smacked the shit out of them for changing their logo, which cost them tens of millions reversing a rebrand. I'm sure this tweet even in jest made some folks at Chick Fil A wince in fear.
I DEMAND a mediocre sandwich that funds BIGOTS!
No, because writing for the onion right now, imagination would be completely useless
The only thing that could possibly compete with the completely bonkers insanity that’s actually happening in our reality is an absolute Titanic amount of hallucinogens. And that’s a pretty risky bet as it is. like, it’s a “maybe“. and I don’t think any single person could possibly keep up. It would take a huge team of people constantly tripping to meet the onions weekly deadline of articles.
And that is simply non-sustainable.
I’m serious. Trumps Easter “Allahu Akbar” tweet may, in fact, be crazier than the onions famous “fuck everything we’re doing five blades“ article (if you haven’t read it, do yourself a favor and read it right now— for context, it was published just months before the Gillette Mach5 razor hit the market, seemingly predicting it)
Whatever they could come up with nowadays would just be a humdrum article as part of the regular news cycle.
Chik fil A is mid anyway
don't disappoint people expecting mid and then giving them chik fil a