this post was submitted on 06 Apr 2026
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No, because writing for the onion right now, imagination would be completely useless
The only thing that could possibly compete with the completely bonkers insanity that’s actually happening in our reality is an absolute Titanic amount of hallucinogens. And that’s a pretty risky bet as it is. like, it’s a “maybe“. and I don’t think any single person could possibly keep up. It would take a huge team of people constantly tripping to meet the onions weekly deadline of articles.
And that is simply non-sustainable.
I’m serious. Trumps Easter “Allahu Akbar” tweet may, in fact, be crazier than the onions famous “fuck everything we’re doing five blades“ article (if you haven’t read it, do yourself a favor and read it right now— for context, it was published just months before the Gillette Mach5 razor hit the market, seemingly predicting it)