Face touching sucks, but penis is worse
this post was submitted on 04 Apr 2026
433 points (99.8% liked)
Lemmy Shitpost
39036 readers
3822 users here now
Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.
Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!
Rules:
1. Be Respectful
Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.
Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.
...
2. No Illegal Content
Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.
That means:
-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals
-No CSA content or Revenge Porn
-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)
...
3. No Spam
Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.
-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.
-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.
-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers
-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.
...
4. No Porn/Explicit
Content
-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.
-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.
...
5. No Enciting Harassment,
Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts
-Do not Brigade other Communities
-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.
-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.
-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.
...
6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.
...
If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.
Also check out:
Partnered Communities:
1.Memes
10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)
Reach out to
All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Words to live by.
Can't touch your penis after cooking, if you continue to hold it while cooking.
Allow me to stir the soup!
Reapers man, let’s just say I wash extremely well these days after cutting them up.
Yikes. Rubber gloves help lol
lol, yeah, wife is a nurse, she brings them home for me :).
My god, you are truly a god amongst men.
An old joke, possibly originating from somewhere in the basement of a DuPont facility:
How can you tell a chemist apart from an engineer?
...
The chemist washes his hands before he takes a leak.
Pro tip: wear gloves while cutting them, at least on the hand used to handle the chilies.
Also pro tip: don't touch your gf all over when she just got home and greets you while cutting peppers, because she screamed so loud in agony when I touched her clit. It was truly horrible and I still feel shit about it, even though we broke up years ago for other reasons.
Also: don't rub your eyes when something itches you...
Not me. I ate a jalapeno today that was the hottest fucker in the bunch. Forgot to wash my hands. Both my mouth and eyes were on fire. Worth it.
I like to jam my fingers up my nose after. Really clears the sinuses.
Almost intense as a neti pot
I just picked up more nitrile gloves for chopping jalepenos because I didn't wash throughly enough before touching my junk once.
I should probably do that. Feels like you can scrub your fingers pretty decently after cutting peppers, and there's still a bit of residual burn when you touch sensitive areas. Maybe it depends on the spice level of the pepper, but I don't generally go above habs for eating raw, so it's not like I'm chopping reapers or even ghosts.
I once scrubbed my hands like 4 times after cutting up jalapenos, went to the store to get a missing ingredient, and when I was leaving I rubbed my eye.
I thought I was going to have to go to the ER.
It's the oils that stick to the skin, gets in the pores and is difficult to scrub out.
I’ve eaten nearly exclusively spicy food for many years and have only been eye spiced once. I generally don’t even wash my hands after, and often touch my face and eyes while cooking because of my hair. It almost feels like a fairy tale to me, the idea of getting eye spiced. Are people irritating their eyes with peppers spicier than serrano, arbol, and pequin peppers or are my eyes just impervious?
But I would like some advice for an ongoing issue, I still can’t figure out how to prevent my home from filling with painfully spicy air when I stir fry. Any advice on that front?
You and I are on two different ends of this spectrum cause I also eat almost exclusively spicy food, but never get bothered by anything airborne. Anytime I handle something fresh my fingies are all up inside those guts, but a lot of what I deal with is dried so that's really only jalapenos and serrano.
Edit: habaneros are usually fresh too, but they usually go in a blender like the dried dudes.
That’s hilarious! I usually eat the seeds or gut the peppers halfhazardly with a couple of knife sweeps through the flesh. I guess my hands only get a small coating by comparison.
But what are you cooking on? I’m usually on a cast iron with olive/canola oil with temp anywhere from medium to high
Cast iron with olive, avocado or coconut oil. If your hood fan isn't helping you, I guess respirator?
A rip roaring hot wok or the exact same, and neither are ever covered. Only thing I ever cook covered is rice usually.
My only remaining guess is that our hood might just need to get a stronger motor. If it isn’t the pan, oil, or spices, it has to be something external!
No hood either, yet. In the middle of a kitchen renovation, and it's next on the list.
I’m genuinely baffled. I’ll stop molesting you with questions now, and begin experimenting with more or less oil.
Always happy to talk about cooking.
I have the same issue. Fried some tofu a few days ago with a ghost pepper coating, and wow – I had the evacuate the kitchen for half an hour!
just impervious; hood fan.
Oh jeez, our federation is borked. It took hours to get this notification. But yeah, at this point, upping the power on our motor seems to be the only immediately apparent longterm feasible option
Yeah, federation is a trip. Time zones probably influence it? I wasn't kidding about the respirator, btw. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6682244/
we discuss an unusual exposure of capsaicin to the vaginal mucosa with successful treatment.
Before I read any further, I’d just like to point out my supreme confusion at how a respirator might help in this situation. I first imagined a patient in an urgent care being prescribed a respirator to treat their nightmarish groin pain.
Edit: by god, they must have been screaming from the speculum. I nearly audibly screamed as I read through this. What fresh, undeserved horror this person lived through.
My point is peppers are used in pepper spray. Respirator because you may be especially sensitive. People actually die from reaction to capsaicin.
Oh, I’ve understood that for ages. Back when India was trading the record for hottest pepper, you’d find dozens of videos of folks eating them. Some died from aspiration. Others from swelling in the gut. I take it seriously.
Excellent! Carry on!
Life Pro Tip: If they're too spicy, you can soak the cut pieces in water to reduce the heat.
Congratulations! I hope sometime I will have a similar perfect day!
No mouth stuff or you're gonna have a bad time.
Actually some of it must've gotten in the corner of my nail and cuticle cause I just wrestled with an eye booger and had an unpleasant 30-ish seconds.
Gentlewomen are glad you learned not to hurt yourself.
Yeah, should've been gentlepersons. My b and thank you.
No worries, I caught the drift!