Ask Lemmy

Pay my taxes and not rape children.

Turn myself in to a millionaire

I have this dream of building my own little socialist company town. where like, instead of people scraping by, we all get universal healthcare and walkable, tree-lined streets.

He'd probably wonder why I was in his housr

What I do would be redacted here, but when I am done there would be no more billionaires.

Basically spend it all making militant resistance cells around the United States, enable them to operate independently via sourcing cnc machines, 3D printers, and hobbyist electronics, then provide financial incentives to targeting other billionaires' assets or persons and/or hate groups and right wing think tanks.

This will continue until I'm arrested, run out of funds, or succeed.

....then I'd buy a sammich.

Hit snooze.

99M in a trust fund for me, my immediate family, extended family and friends. We would live relatively modest and give generously.

901M would go to a wide assortment of charities and causes:

• Fund my local foodbank for the next 50 years. Perhaps even a dynasty trust.
• Tackle youth unemployment and unmet community needs through investing in non-market solutions. E.g. build greenhouses with raised beds in urban brownfield and greenfield property, hire local people to grow resilient local foods and donate them throughout the community. Some local old age homes had some complaints about food quality and budget and they wanted things like fresh ripe tomatoes. I'd given them 3 seasons worth for free and pay for the equipment, labour, insurance out of pocket. Local youth could get high school credits, jobs not just gardening, but designing and improve closed ag systems, plumbing, deep winter greenhouse design and engineering, logistics, everything. Good experience and spending money. Maybe turn into a market career for some.

Build a few multiplexes as high quality PassiveHousePlus and operate as self funded charity built and operated using only local labour for womans & homeless shelters

I have a few friends in social services and I guarenfuckentee a shitload of orphans and foster kids and poor kids supervised by children services would get new toys, clothes, shoes, bedding, pillows, christmas presents from a bad ass santa, art supplies, comic books, tuition, books, enrichment activity fees and more. Some have this through foster parents and public systems. Way too many don't.

I can't help everyone and even this money won't last long, but Imma go out swinging hard.

First thing? Probably panic. Second thing? Probably try to wake myself up. Third thing? Probably try to find some rational way that I just got isekai’ed as a billionaire.

After it finally sank in, I’d probably consider lobbying for things before I lose touch with where I used to be. Right to repair, universal healthcare, UBI, etc…

Probably fuck some kids to blend in

/s

Buy up all the media outlets, especially Fox, and ACTUALLY turn them into progressive propaganda outlets.

Once actual progressives are in power, Lobby for government with the teeth to break up my big media empire monopoly and prevent a new one from forming.

Make a trust in each state to have local news outlets with good journalists.

Fund something to help find and stomp out propaganda bot/slave centers in other countries.

Lobby to regulate the fuck out of AI to stop its use as a programmable propaganda slop machine.

I'd take my family and leave behind the shithole that is the United States. God, I hate it here because of Republicans.

I'd put him back to sleep 💁‍♀️

Guillotine myself. I can't let myself be a hypocrite lol

First thing?

Probably buy my wife something nice.

Next, I would love to upgrade and spoil the homeless shelter behind my work. I always fantasize about being able to afford food, socks and blankets to distribute.

First selfish thing? Build a new computer.

paying lobbyists to right for right to repair and privacy laws in the US, and bringing data brokers and patent trolls into never ending litigation.

It depends on which billionaire I’m supposedly waking up. Sounds like a shitty job though.

Turn my country the fuck around so that public servants represent people and decisions are made to improve the lives of people.

Hire people to clean the house. White house.

Lots of folks would get their debt paid off.

Lots of folks would get fed real good.

Lots of folks would get seed money to make their thing or do their art/thing/whatever

Lots of folks would get to do some sick drugs.

Etc.

I’d just spend it all until I spread the wealth around.

Two thousand girls at the same time.

Same as I do every morning. A big mug of coffee and a big shit.

No amount of money would change that.

I'd quit my job, buy a small house for my partner and I and give enough to my family that they wouldn't have to worry about money again.

With the rest, I'd set up a trust that donates 1% per year in microgrants to free software maintainers who apply to it. Similar to NLnet, but with no strings attached beyond continuing to maintain the project.

Then, with all my free time, I'd also work on free software.

Cocaine then a sub to check out Titanic. Pretty standard, really.

These comments prove billionaires are hoarders with a mental illness. Nobody here is looking to make more billions.

I'd lobby politicians into bombing Israel, I think they need a turn.

I'd shut the fuck up. Pay off my house and maybe add an addition to where I'm at. Same with some relatives. Fix my Subaru the way I want it, buy a catterham.

Start buying people's debt for pennies on the dollar and cancelling it.

Destroy capitalism by out competing everyone.

Hire a fukn lawyer D:

Probably yell WOOHOO.

Next is quit my job.

A new off-grid house. We have a lot of power outages here every winter.

An older used car (I want nothing to do with a new car which are basically rolling spyware).

Start helping the worse off in my area such as the homeless and those living below the poverty line.

Well if he woke up obviously the first stab didn't kill him so I'd stab him again.

Lots of perfectly valid answers here about decent humane things to do with the money and power, and I certainly hope I would do things like end homelessness or otherwise meaningfully improve the world.

That said.

I'd build a full-scale, 1:1 replica of the USS Enterprise, NCC 1701-D, from The Next Generation. I'd run it like the Biltmore; technically it would be a private residence, but I'd charge people to take tours. But any time I wanted, I could close it down for a few days and just hang out on the bridge or in main engineering and vibe out to the THRUM THRUM THRUM of the warp core.

But solve homelessness first, of course.

Call a tax lawyer/pay taxes, call a financial planner, and figure out what other calls I'd need to make to set up and fund a couple of charities.