Ask Lemmy

Normal? Yes, I suppose so. I see people post about it enough.

Okay? Definitely not. Rejection hurts, but it's no excuse to lash out like a toddler who didn't get their way.

others say she had the right to say that because she was hurt and my girlfriend should have said yes

Nobody normal with average or above intelligence would say that

Okay? No. Normal? In the context of that person's life, yes it's normal, else they wouldn't do it.

Being hurt by perceived rejection is normal and valid. Making another person "wrong" for holding a boundary for whatever reason is not valid.

People need to learn more non-violent communication, and general understanding of boundaries.

Definitely not okay. And it depends on your definition of “normal”. Is it common? Somewhat. Going as far as to say “kill yourself” usually isn’t part of it but insulting someone after being rejected isn’t rare. It depends a bit on the age.

Okay? No, never

Normal? Depends on what you consider normal. I would say understandable, for sure. But also petty. Sore loser. Most people wouldn't. If normal for you is something that happens frequently and expectedly, then, no.

Okay? No.

Normal? Sadly.

Guy here...

I met a girl at a social club party. It was a ski club that we both belonged to. We hit it off at the party and we learned that there was going to be an informal gathering of ski clubbers at a local entertainment complex the next weekend. I had never been to it so she said she would show me around.

I thought we both had a good time. At the next ski club meeting I gathered my courage and approached her with the intention of asking her out on a date.

She told me that I was "a lost puppy that is always around". I apologized and told her that it would never happen again. I took responsibility for my actions and made sure that I never crowded her again. Which is what happened at the entertainment complex. I didn't do it deliberately it was due to my own social awkwardness coupled with being neurodivergent.

As a part of that I put her in the permanently do not date category. The thing was we somehow ended up in the same clique. So we found ourselves in proximity anyway, although I did my best to not crowd her.

Then she invited me to a party that she was throwing. At the party I met her finance, which was a surprise as I didn't know she was even seeing someone. But I was happy for her. Her fiance was a bit of a twit though and somehow he managed to dislocate his shoulder... I was the only person there that stepped up to help him. She didn't even attempt to step in. Actually she glared at us while I was helping him.

Fast forward to the next ski club meeting and she sought me out and hung off me the entire meeting. I really didn't think anything about it, other than she was being appreciative that I helped her fiance....

Well I was wrong, but didn't learn that till about two weeks later when my girlfriend and I finally revealed we were together... Which actually predated the party mentioned above. My girlfriend wasn't at the party because we were keeping our relationship a secret for a while and she was traveling.

It turned out her meeting me at the ski club meeting was her attempt to get me to ask her out. Which I had three inviolate rules against. One, she made it clear from the beginning that she did not want to date me... You know the whole lost puppy comment. Two, I do not get involved with people in committed relationships. She never came out and stated that she had broken up with her fiance. The third and most important rule is, I do not cheat on my significant other... Period.

So she would glare daggers at me anytime we were within proximity. This started in January of 1994 and continued till the week that the original entertainment complex where all of this started closed in 1998. 1998 was the last time I ever saw her and it was by chance in front of that same complex. She glared at me just as hard that day as when she found out I was already seeing someone.

So she rejected me and I kept the peace and we became... While not friends at least acquaintances going around the same group for a couple of years.

I didn't really reject her, so much I was already seeing someone else and was keeping it secret until we decided to announce it officially. I did not consider this girl close enough to tell her beforehand and I did not give her any reason to think I was interested in her.

I still received glares for years though.

In case you're wondering about the secrecy... My girlfriend was considerably older than me. We just felt it wise till we figured out what we were going to be to each other. We fell into being serious rather quickly and dated for over 3 years.

https://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2016/09/23/norms-normality-and-normativity/

It's always okay to say mean things. It is not alway prudent. It is rarely kind.

Depends how. Basic rejection? No. Being mean is immature. Rude, hurtful rejection? Yes.

Normal? Unfortunately it's too common.

Okay? Absolutely not. Even if it breaks your heart, if you truly care about the person that rejected you, you would want them to be happy either way. It's certainly not okay when there was no guarantee of the outcome, and not okay to be hurt by someone else's decision.

The former best friend is either trying to change the girlfriends mind through abuse, or lashing out like a toddler refused a new toy. As you said, she's immature, and showing it very well.

Some people say this girl is mean, crazy even

Very true, sounds like someone needs counseling.

others say she had the right to say that because she was hurt and my girlfriend should have said yes

Those people are very, very rude at best, and in my opinion, worth cutting ties with. Nobody should ever be made to give any answer or if guilt. If the girlfriend had said yes out of guilt, she'd be depressed and regretful for it every day. Anyone that shames a person for their own decision doesn't have that persons best interest at heart.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, but you/girlfriends best thing to do is to ignore everyone that speaks ill of her choice. No friend would disrespect another friend's choice (unless that choice is dangerous for the person that made it), and actively attacking them over such a choice, as I said, it's only abuse.

People react to things. Emotions might amply their actions. I suspect you’re too concerned about being politically correct. I wouldn’t worry about what’s correct universally. What a joke.

Well, this Conservative guy (I'm also Conservative) asked me out after I lost feelings for him the year before. He proceeded to call me the N-word and a libtard. Since those are both slurs, I think they're wrong.