lol good luck identifying me, Adam Friedland, host of the Adam Friedland show podcast show, from my online posting - or my wife Nicole Mullen- former abortion addiction advocate
this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2026
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How can it easily unmask my secrets if I have nothing to hide? Take the mask away and there's nothing there.
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This is pretty much the only place I post anymore, but there's other ways to comb through metadata and figure it out. If there's the will and the resources, then nobody is completely anonymous online.
there's no shot this doesn't give a fuck ton of false positives. especially for anyone who just occasionally sneaks a lie into their posts
This is why I make a new account for every comment I post.
Those 200 accounts that keep getting created on a daily basis starts to look a little suspicious. I think we got her. 
Feel like the "writing style" one is pretty hard to nail down when every redditor anne frankly did nazi that coming
THIS. Take my updoot.
le bacon barhops bat bidnight
This isn't even a little bit new. Companies have been identifying users via their "hand" for a couple of decades now.
i live on liberal mountain and i am an ardent lover of neoliberalism, hillary clinton, bill clinton, and obama
Omg me too!
Among other good advice in this thread: lie and be inconsistent about personal interests and anything else identifiable.
My hobbies include stealing from hobby stores and setting canisters of LPG on fire
Okg me too
I will stay a nebulous person of dubious identity and any one else saying anything else are lying. I'm from everywhere all at once.
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Woah so they can know that I live in Berlin, Germany because I wrote equations like this:
$50 / $1.500 = 3,33%
Crazy. They infer based on my cues like a champ. Heckin awesome bro.
Genial !
Just like how I personally, myself, Chana, count on my hands starting with my thumb. As all Deutsche would.
I can't count using fingers on my hands because I don't have fingers, or hands. My hands got blown off by an IED serving in my first tour of Iraq.
Damn, my hands got blown off in my third tour of Iraq. I am posting with my mouth rn.
I got blown off with a mouth during my fourth tour.
As a staunch conservative I thank you for your service.
Thank you for thanking me for my service 
I toured in Afghanistan and the same thing happened to me, except I was left with one finger that I now use for peck typing. I guess I should count my blessings, which luckily is 1.
Yes of course, I hold up my thumb, my index finger, and my middle finger to say "3".
Drei is such a good number, same as the number of world wars we won't start!
This is why your "secret online name" should be a meme that literally millions of people use and absolutely not something unique that can be identified across multiple services.
This could already be done with basic language models and standard statistics.
Once again, the early Internet opsec of "Assume that everyone on the internet wants to track you down, and don't ever post your name, specific age, employer, or city in a publicly accessible online place" gives you an ample amount of protection.
post your name, specific age, employer, or city in a publicly accessible online place
Okay if you say so
Name: Kurox Ppi
Specific age: 23 years, 7 months and 9 days
Employer: Mars Inc
City: New York, USA
Specifically, I work in the product design team which was responsible for putting the dick vein on the Snickers, a popular peanut and chocolate bar
This information is all true and current to the best of my knowledge. Please do not use it to triangulate my identity based on other online and offline activity.
Edit: peanut, caramel and chocolate bar
Edit edit: peanut, caramel, nougat and chocolate bar
Mmm I love the Snickers dick vein.
We did extensive customer research and found out that the dick vein is where the flavor is
My full name is actually
Lady Caj Asca, so I'm using my middle name as my nickname because being called Lady is.. well, actually who cares? You know what, call me anything, as long as I know it's connected to this account on a leftist forum. My parents at birth named me Lady and Caj Asca is actually from a long line of Caj Ascas in Manila of the Filipinos with the sole purpose of shitposting since the arrival of humans in the islands.
My age is permanently 21 years, 6 months and 9 days because I'm stuck in an unknown purgatory of sorts where I only know the current date and time through the computer, and I don't seem to age, starve or get thirsty, though I find random bottles of suspicious pink liquid on the ground and drink them, I don't know what it does, but it does taste sweet..
My employer? Oh of course the great CPC, and MSS, they transfer me Xi bucks to my bank account that I exchange for internet connection, as somehow that's still not free.
I hope this isn't used to track wherever I am, I'm perfectly content here in this room that only has a PC to post in the internet... Though, sometimes I do hope I find a way out.. because the internet's still bad here still and I find myself with nothing to do in these gray floors.. And I've got nothing to do whenever Hexbear goes down..
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This is gonna be really unfortunate for the federal agent that unmasks my real identity, and unearths hundreds of pics of me going hog out all over the place in sex clubs 30 years ago.
This is going to empower all the worst Kiwifarms types.
I would make a joke that it's going to put them out of business, AI's come to take their jobs too.
Good luck to the AI trying to IDentify me via stylometry, but I don't like it's chances because Oppa Gangnam Style 
As a community, we should investigate more into adversarial stylometry.
eh, just lie until this is functionally useless
cascading garbage-in garbage-out
I bet it can't find me outside of what I've intentionally constructed.
Compartmentalise!
It's a good thing I've invested heavily in canned food and shotguns
This is an elaborate bit account, everything I say and have said has been in jest
I, on the other hand, always tell the truth about being a semi professional conservative baseball player (let's go Iron Pigs!)
Certainly caution is warranted, but I would take this claim with a grain of salt.
This is why I exclusively post here from Grapevine, Texas, USA.
Remember: you are ALWAYS trolling online.
All my old reddit accounts? I was just trolling. Everything I said on Twitter? Trolling.
So uhh, how can we delete all of our hexbear comments?
I am so glad I don't use my real identity ANYWHERE on the internet; I got that boomer brainworms that thinks saying key words by accident near my phone will get me arrested
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