Pareto Principle. Focus on the 20% of chores that get you 80% of your cleanliness. Just found this, which seems to give a decent explanation:
https://www.cleaningchecklist.org/what-is-the-80-20-rule-house-cleaning/
this post was submitted on 24 Dec 2025
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I agree with others here when they say that if they have a problem with it, they can help clean. One of my biggest pet peeves is someone coming in just to complain-- usually family members.
"Are those ALL dirty dishes?" "There's so much cat hair, have you cleaned recently?"
I have five cats. There will ALWAYS be cat hair SOMEWHERE.
That's also a pet peeve of mine. It's a little different if it's an officially assigned task, for example if I am the one that takes the trash out, and you mention that the trash is full, thanks for letting me know, I'll get on that. But if it's a shared or unassigned task like: "The dog shit on the floor." Ok, and why didn't you do something about it when you saw it?
If I'm not willing to fix it myself, I'm not going to point it out to others.
Hell, when my friends come over they never complain. One of them is allergic to cats, but not to the point where it's a HUGE issue. I dust, vacuum, wash the carpet, change the sheets, etc. before they come over because I want the place to be as comfortable as possible.
Again, I never get any remarks from them or any other friends that come over. It's always family.
If my family complains about my house I gladly thank them for volunteering and show them where the cleaning supplies is
I'm really sorry, but *are
There's only one cleaning supply, that's why their family complains
What am I? A pirate?
I have fully embraced "lived in hosting".
I live here. My wife lives here. My cat lives here. I'm not going to try and pretend this isn't a home and make it spotless for guests. Anyone who complains is probably not the sort of person I want around. Don't get me wrong it's not a pig sty, the dishes are done, I vacuum, and clean the bathrooms and such. But seriously, no one has time to make the house perfect. That comes from magazines and TV where there's money hiring cleaning crews you don't see or something.
That comes from magazines and TV where there's money hiring cleaning crews you don't see or something.
I have some extended family making bank in oil trade, very wealthy, and it's such a trip listening to them talk about life.
Nannies for their kids that come to them. Grocery delivery. Delivery of almost everything, rarely go to the store themselves. House cleaners/maids that do everything. Landscapers. People to drive their kids to and from extracurriculars. Notice each of these is plural. The only thing I can think of that they don't have is a chef.
And they try to be down to earth, but their scale is skewed. Like they get thay most people have less time, but they expect the average person to still have like half the time they do, rather than like 1/10th at best.
They have so fucking much free time, and they use it to keep their marriage and family strong. Date nights every week. Multiple family game nights each week. Both of the parents have rich social lives of their own, hobbies they have time to pursue.
It's astounding just how much of a difference the amount of free time available to them (due to having people to take care of the constant neverending life stuff for them) makes to their quality of life. Most direct example I've ever seen of the difference wealth can make.
And their house always looks "HGTV ready".
"I, too, live in my house" is what I say to friends who start feeling embarrassed about their conditions. There is a bar for what I can tolerate, but it's mostly about hygiene. Lots of animal fur? Well just let me have a seat that isn't covered in fur. If it's a sheet over the couch, so be it. But my bar is somewhere above "smells like cat piss and there's dried puke on the carpet". Having cats for 30 years, I get it, it's a hassle, but I don't want to be there. Food containers are another thing that can bug me. Empty? Throw it out. Still has food that should have been refrigerated yesterday? Definitely clear garbage at this point. I'll take a greasy, crumby stove over that, easily. Last spot, really, is the bathroom. Sticky or discolored surfaces are a problem.
But cluttered areas? Stacks of mail? Bad organization? No organization? Whatever. With any of this, I liked you as a friend before, and I'll like you as a friend after. Maybe I don't want to come over, but it's not like I'm going to use your living situation as judgement on who I thought you were outside.
Yeah, my bar is basically is it a health or safety hazard? If no then I don’t care, and if yes then all it changes is I’m concerned and also don’t want to be there
I wash my bedsheets yearly whether they need it or not and besides that it’s mostly a self-contained ecosystem for example I don’t change my bath mat because that’s where my mushrooms grow.
If they don't like it they can start cleaning themselves.
I complete maintenance items daily. I live in a small place so I can even mop/vacuum daily if need be. I dust and do deep cleaning once a week as well as laundry. It’s really not time consuming if you stay on top of things (like 15-30 minutes a day). I do not have pets so that helps a lot. I also don’t have a second adult in the home, which helps a lot. Historically I’ve found it’s a lot easier to keep my home clean without multiple adults. I need a nice tidy place to feel comfortable, but I don’t judge anyone else for their choices.
I have my standards higher than my fiancee, which is annoying for both of us since she's mostly reponsible for housework in our apartment. But we've just compromised on the level
Lol visitors in my home are gonna get what they get, if they don't like it they are welcome to not come over. Especially with animals, it can be extra tough to stay on top of it.
My standards aren't low and I'll pickup, sweep and do a vacuum before company comes by. If the toilet is gross I'll give it a quick scrub but I'm not going around dusting every trinket and shelf to satisfy someone that's just visiting.
Edit- I'll concede there are levels to this. I aim to dust at least twice a month year round, so it's never extraordinarily out of control for me. If previous holiday was the last time the shelves were wiped, that probably need addressed.
The amount of "acceptable" pet hair or dust depends on a lot of factors. If it's rolling balls of cat hair or the dust can be measured in layers thick, then maybe there's something that needs to be changed in cleaning routine. But occasional hair or dust or a knickknack here and there is part of life, especially with animals. And some breeds are far worse than others. Also look at both your air filter schedule, how quick they get dirty, and maybe the air patterns and how to improve them so things don't collect in places.
If you mean family as in visiting, then that's just rude. If you did have an issue with cleanliness and the best they can do is make you feel bad about it instead of offering help or advice then I'd invite them over less or not at all. If it's family that lives there... that's a whole other level of "what are you helping with?"
Maintenance is easier than one time sweeps. It’s hard to get off the couch and vacuum, wipe down, do dishes daily when it’s not as rewarding as seeing the change. There’s a wide variation in standards between people even within families. I have a family member who’s notorious. Their partner invited them for vacation at the family home once and went home a week early to clean. It’s a family joke.
You won’t win against cat hair. It works its way into things and you’d need tweezers and a magnifying glass.
Pet hair is no joke. I haven’t lived with an animal in over a year and I’m still finding their hairs randomly.
We vacuum most of the clumps of dog hair (mostly from our husky), mop the hardwoods if dirty, and clean the bathrooms and kitchen. Make sure there isnt clutter piled up on tables and such. Like someone said, we live here, and it isnt worth the effort to make it look like someone isn't living here.
This is one of the primary issues in my marriage.
My wife's cleaning standard is MUCH higher than my own. It was fine before we had kids, the house was small and she did most of it. Now we have a bigger place and multiple children.
She wants cleaning time to be equal. I say it's not equal because the total hours required are dictated by her standards not mine.
It's not like my standards are disgusting or unhygienic though. I just don't need the hallway swept every day, or the dishes completely washed every night. The dishwasher still runs daily.
My wife and I also have a disconnect when it comes to "cleaning" as she says that word to mean "organizing" and my understanding of it is more around dust, dirt, and grime. We also haven't figured it out so I don't have any suggestions or solutions for you, just wanted to commiserate.
One thing that actually has helped is bringing in a cleaner with some degree of regularity. It could be weekly if you can afford it, but even monthly or quarterly can be really helpful. I usually also clean while the cleaner is here, but it gives me some assistance on bigger projects or takes the every day stuff off my hands so I can focus on less frequent tasks (baseboards, really giving the shower a good scrub, cleaning carpets, wiping the tops of the ceiling fans, etc.).
House chores is an everybody problem. If you're doing it all something needs to change.
My standards aren't especially high when it comes to cleaning before guests are over but definitely higher than many. Any area they will be in or anything they will interact with is my top priority, beyond that I am a lot more relaxed. If someone tried to make me feel bad about something minor like cat hair or a little dust they probably won't ever be a guest again because that's dickish and rude. As a guest you should never make your host feel embarrassed or uncomfortable, even if there's a legitimate issue it should still be approached respectfully and with kindness.