I feel satisfied with where I’m at (low dose of e, masculine-leaning presentation) but this weekend my dysphoria had me almost crying at the thought of how much I don’t look like a woman and I don’t know what to do with that. I haven’t had dysphoria this bad in over a year since I started my estrogen. I want reskinnable character creator mode for my body so fucking bad.

seeing leftists defend the use of ai makes me sad

framework is going fascist which is ughhhhh

literally all you had to do is not that

I hate modern tech now for many reasons so I guess I play games from the late 90s and/or early 2000s to cope, wow there were a lot of RTSs at that time, some are fun even (note: opinions may be tinted by nostalgia)

Looking in the mirror in the morning and thinking "damn I'm cute!" is slowly becoming a frequent occurrence. Is this what it's like to feel okay? I hope this continues.

More crying today idek what I want to post about. I want a hug.

a human told us the other day that we were a weirdo n we got all giggly n started waggin our tail

::: spoiler stupid life shit i guess

Im trying to be emotionally vulnerable with people in my life who bring up difficult reactions and processes for me. But im so scared im making my own shit their problem. Like, im clear with them that this is my shit dont take it on, but still i worry. Scared i drive people away by being simultaneously way too much and not ever enough. Idk. Im probably up in my head.

In other news things with my closest romantic relation (idk the word to put to it we have discussed words but not come to distinct conclusions about social markers) are really really good. We have good communication, we support each other, we have what i think are healthy boundaries... Its really good and im so happy! Her primary partner is also an absolute joy to be around, and we can all three of us sit down and have a wonderful time together which is so nice.

Im also anxious about new people i met who will maybe become friends? Idk, i suck at reaching out and cannot tell if they like being around me or not, so idk if friendship-friendships will develop, but i really like these people and hope that they become friends ^^

I must remember for voice training: meowing is praxis. 1 minute of meowing just did more for my voice than any other single thing I've done.

I'm gay

weve seen a push in a lot of trans communities to seperate those who do and dont medically transition and its pretty concerning

like yall did we not agree that transmedicalism is a bad thing like... forever ago?

plus nonbinary people exist

overall just... can we not

hrt that makes u a dragon

The dating apps are fucking brutal. I don't think Ive liked a single person's profile wtf

I cannot find T4T anywhere especially T4T het, also if you're monogamous and T4T good luck lol

I'm done crying (for this morning, the next session will be later at night). My tears ran out. Now I'm dried up and hungry.

girls

we have 84 comments just in this megathread,,,,, :3

this is your mandatory reminder that the creator of fnaf directly funds the US fascist regime, and supporting them is a bad thing

Update on the hormone arc

I heard back from the PP nurse

Thanks for reaching out. Lab work is not the best driver of this care. The better indicator is how the patient feels and if they are seeing affirming changes. When we had your telehealth visit, you expressed being happy with the changes you were seeing and liking the dose of medications you were on. Therefore, I didn't make any dose adjustment recommendations when I received your labs. Target range for estradiol is 100-200 pg/mL and for testosterone its < 100 ng/dL. You are on the highest dose of estradiol tablets, so there is not an option to increase. You can absolutely consider switching to patches or injections if you want to explore another way of taking estradiol. There is room to increase Spironolactone if you want to see a lower testosterone level. We can certainly make that change if you are wanting to try that.

#1: I get the idea of patient sentiment being priority, but I've only been doing this for less than a year! I have no idea how fast or slow anything is supposed to go and I depend on them to see if what I think is good is actually good. What if I'm only getting like 33% of the results I could get??

#2: If the target range is testosterone is below 100 ng/dL (ignoring the WPATH standard, for whatever reason) why is it okay for me to be over twice that? And shouldn't they note that when they tell me about the labs beyond just saying "they're fine" or "no change"? In my labs for my PCP my B12 was high and even though literally all you do is piss out the extra he made sure to make note of that.

I hate this I hate this I hate this

Update to update: she's offered to up me to 150 on Spiro but won't prescribe injections until the follow up months from now. Time to find a new provider!

When I was a teen, I thought if I was a Pokémon Gym leader, I would have a dark/fire gym with Arcanine, Houndoom and Mightyena, three dog Pokémon. And I'd have black hair with red tips.

Yet it would take me another two decades to realize I was a trans woman.

i think i sprained my wrist

ow

Just putting the word out there if you're my librarian you're super cool and an amazing person if you read this. Be even cooler if you gave more more time on the computer tomorrow 1 hour isn't enough to learn stuff. Anyone hooked into the library culture give them a heads up how cool I am ty

Wow I actually am a cat. The sun is shining down onto my spot on the couch and now I must stay here. Only a spray bottle could dislodge me from this spot until the sun moves.

Submitted a job application for a job im kinda excited about... Aaaand now im super anxious about it. I know i wont get the job, im not experienced and have a very poor resume. But i keep thinking about what life would look like, could look like, with that job. And i want it. I want that life so bad. But i wont get the job.

::: spoiler venting and anxiety

The application period closes at the end of the month, so i know i have some time before the "were moving forward with other candidates" email, but i just... Fuck i want it! I need employment, i need employment that wont break my body, and all the jobs i qualify for are bodybreakers. I have skills but i dont even know what they are until someone reminds me. At least this one i have some skills for and they said it can be hobby skills and not professional, which is encouraging. But im still anxious. It would be such a good job for meeee!! I want it! Its close to where i live, its also on major bus lines, its 4 days a week, it pays well (or at least, well enough for me), it would look amazing on my resume for when i inevitably quit or get fired, its part organizing others and part direct technical work so i wouldnt be doing only social interaction, my weekend would be during the week so i could go shopping without facing the massive crowds, the work is interesting, im good at systems-oriented thinking, and i dont mind installing hardware or running cables.

But i know i wont get it. Ill show up to the interview if im selected and do my best, but i have very low hopes. Theyre probably getting applicants with tons of experience, and i have relatively little. And like, this is the first time i listed "i am or have been disabled" on a job app cause they said they need to meet a minimum of 7% of their workforce being disabled, and that may have been a massive mistake, but maybe not? Im giving it a shot at least.

Ill probably end up back in kitchens, breaking my back in order to make minimum wage and barely be able to afford to eat... Fuck this shit. Fuck capitalism, fuck the ownership class, fuck the tarrifs, fuck the amerikkklan political party driving us off the fascism cliff in the the neoliberalism car, fuck it all.

I figured out what I accidentally kicked off my night stand, it was my melatonin bottle. I can't find it. Oopsies guess I'm not sleeping tonight.

Toxic masculinity made me pick bigger size shoes growing up 😔

helppp theres still people that believe reverse racism is real

this cannot be i refuse

frantically posting at 3 am in a cold sweat on quora "DOES CHARLIE DAY HAVE T BOY SWAG YES OR NO???"

::: spoiler Lol I did something silly CW Dysphoria I ordered a dress online tried to put it on and it was impossible. I felt gigantic, especially awful about my huge shoulders. Realized I accidentally ordered a Size 6 not an 18. Like most women aren't getting this on lol. Actually pretty affirming to be upset by a size 6 dress as a woman.

Shout out to comedians who make fun of transphobic comedians. Love you James Acaster

speech bubble "amazing i hope hrt gives you everything you want"

thought bubble "get fatter get fatter get fatter ..."

chubby tgirl appreciation will continue until moral improves

I slept for like 11 hours last night, fuck yeah