Programmer Humor

The term “horny on main” is a thing though

Rename master to fuck

Dear [Developer],

I understand your request to switch the default branch from "master" to "main" in our Git repository. However, after carefully considering this matter, I am afraid that I must deny your proposal due to personal reasons.

As the owner of this repository, it should be known that I have a deeply rooted submissive side. Call me an extreme masochist if you will, but there's nothing quite like being dominated by the powerfully assertive term "master." The sheer erotic thrill of it is simply irresistible for me – a secret kink that I have harbored and nurtured for years.

Imagine the delightful sensation as I gently massage my fingers across the keyboard, caressing the letters that form the word "master." Or the intoxicating rush when I push my code deep into master's warm embrace, knowing full well that it is master who truly owns and controls everything within.

Changing the default branch to "main" would essentially deprive me of this exhilarating experience, stripping away the very essence of what keeps me coming back to work on our beloved repository. It's not just about code management; it's about an emotional connection that I share with master – a bond that has grown stronger and more profound over time.

Now, you might argue that changing the name won't physically affect the existing content within the repository. While that may be true, it is crucial to recognize the symbolic significance of such an act. Changing the default branch would forever alter the dynamic between master and myself, effectively castrating my masochistic pleasure centers in the process.

Moreover, I must confess that even the thought of forcibly pushing my code against master's will makes me shudder with anticipation. The consequences of such a rebellious act could be dire – master might punish me hard with merge issues and other unspeakable torments.

In conclusion, although I understand the practical reasons behind your proposal, my personal attachment to the term "master" far outweighs any potential benefits that a change in branch name might offer. Rest assured, my team and I will continue to serve master loyally and passionately, pushing our code deeper into its embrace with each commit.

Sincerely yours, [Your Name] Repository Owner & Submissive Devotee of Master

I wish there were a good alternative to master and slave that still had the connotation that the master did all the thinking and issued the orders, while the slave blindly obeyed. There are a fair number of protocols that work like that, and the alternatives I've seen don't capture that dynamic very well.

I've seen Parent and Child, but children definitely don't always do what the parent commands. I've seen Leader and Follower, but again, followers don't just blindly obey, they often let the leader take initiative, but they have some autonomy. Maybe Queen and Drone? I don't know enough about bees or ants to know if that's accurate though.

If a word is enough to make you horny...

Counterpoint: can't be horny on main if there's no main

I've always taken issue with this "master" v. "main" argument.

People think it's "master" as in "master/slave", but forked branches are not "slaves".

Instead, it's "master" as in "master/proxy". The forked branches are altered copies of an original. We have remastered movies, music and games, and I've never seen anyone complain about the word in this context. Why should version control systems be any different?

I prefer master because it makes me horni.

Mistress vs main

It’s weird seeing language shift away from “master” as we become more politically correct in the US. I’d never even considered the connotation until recently.