askchapo

Autism has fucked my entire life and is the source behind like, 80% or more of my problems. And mine is relatively mild. I can't work a full time job or I deteriorate in about 3 weeks, socially I'm all over the shop and every major traumatic event in my life can be directly tied to being autistic.

It likely isn't this way for all people with my relatively mild form, but if there are already going to be issues in life, autism will likely make those issues worse.

Yeah, very disabling.

i do, yes

it compounds a lot of issues for me and makes everything harder. i have a lot of trauma from growing up autistic. i can't really point to if a certain basic thing being impossible to me is because of the autism or it's just compounding the other things, but it doesn't really matter much for me anyway.

to take a hard stance, i think saying it's not a disability is just wrong. society is built around many things that is objectively harder if you have autism (namely having to understand social norms to get a job and what not). even if you think it doesn't affect you that much, you still objectively are going to find certain things in life harder than an allistic person. so its a disability. imo, ppl who are saying otherwise are treating the term 'disability' like it's a bad word, which makes sense given how society at large treats disabled people, but doesn't actually change the meaning of disability

I do think it's a disability but I would say the vast majority of ways it disables me would be eliminated if I didn't have to survive in this capitalist hellscape.

I get frustrated by my processing speed but maybe that wouldn't be frustrating if my free time wasn't so limited and I could just float from one task to another like the mischievous spectre I was meant to be.

It's absolutely a disability. It's invisible to the normal person because of masking and shit but when it finally comes out, I always feel like I look like a weirdo or a monster.

I'm an open book so instead of rambling, if you have any more questions, feel free to ask. I'm self-diagnosed, then thrice-diagnosed by 2 therapists and one autistic friend if that helps in any way.

Yes, nobody with autism has a reference point for not being autistic while nobody who isn't autistic has a reference point for being autistic, discerning between struggles you encounter because of autism, as opposed to other factors, is practically impossible IMO, and you can really only make flawed comparisons between your own outcomes and the outcomes of someone without autism. If you look at employment/education outcomes for Australia's autistic populous you can see indication that having autism negatively impacts them.

Anyone who says autism isn't a disability is harming the view towards autistic people and consequently the care they receive, but if an autistic person doesn't want to identify as disabled bc of their support needs then that's fine ig.

Most of the ways my autism disables me are either direct results of having to exist under capitalism, the way people treat me when they find out about it, or the ways I was systematically railroaded and thrown aside by institutions as a child when all other children and poorly trained adults in power saw was "a weird kid, who reacts with equal or greater violence when attacked and ganged up on by the other children".

I don't feel like my autism itself is a disability, or at least not a severe one, but I will describe it as such in situations where I feel saying "I have a disability" will get the necessary support and understanding I need, without triggering the infantilisation and miscellaneous mistreatment that disclosing autism specifically tends to cause. I don't feel like it gets in the way of things I want to do, most of the time. Yes, life is harder for me than a neurotypical person in otherwise identical circumstances, but some of that is the autism itself and a lot more is just due to society being incredibly inaccessible for anyone outside a very narrow norm and due to things that I missed out on as a child due indirectly to autism - aforementioned institutional abuse and my mother not knowing any better than to enable it.

Essentially, I believe very strongly in the social model of disability, and I really do think that I often suffer a lot more because of other people than directly because of how my brain works differently.

It’s not really, I just have this insatiable appetite for Tylenol.

I feel like autism itself is not inherently disabling, but being forced to live in a world where the vast majority of people are not autistic, makes it so. An entire society built in such a way that is inherently hostile toward autistic people in every way conceivable, where practically no consideration is taken, creates a traumatizing environment. I think a society that took the needs of autistic people into consideration, or even a society in which everyone was autistic , would be a much better society overall, and it wouldn't be nearly as disabling. Capitalism is not compatible with autism. (My experience as diagnosed)

Edit: More thoughts. It feels kinda like being born into an alien world, where you are (seemingly) the only of your species. You really don't understand everyone else. They do and say things that make no sense to you. They expect you to do weird things in order to fit in. And they all get very very upset at you when you don't do the right things to fit in. Nobody really seems to like you, avoid you, or are openly hostile toward you, and you have no idea why. You live in an entirely alien world where you are forced to go to strange places and do strange things, where everything feels like the worst thing, or the worst places you really do not like being in. You start to feel exhausted doing these things but you are not allowed to stop. It genuinely starts to feel like everyone around you is insane. Yet everyone is acting like you are.

Self-diagnosed autistic, formally diagnosed with ADHD. After a couple of years without work I've managed to barely land back on my feet with a decent steady job. But I'm very lucky to have had family to fall back on financially, and would have been far worse off otherwise. There's been a lot of alcoholism and depression in my family history too. So I absolutely consider autism a disability, but a barely manageable one.

Yeah I consider it a disability. Under other material circumstances it might not be as disabling but I will always struggle to manage certain social situations as a result of it.

So, im very "high functioning" (shitty way of organizing things but its how medical people do) and realllyyy good at masking. My autism is an impedance mismatch between me and society. If we organized society differently it would be a total nonissue. But instead i have to deal with this shit. Even among other autistic people i cant stop masking, its so frustrating. Like, i want to be able to take the mask off but i cant. Also everyone (like literally everyone) goes too fast. I dont have the time to actually analyze and realize and form a response before the conversation moves on. So any socialization (with allistic or autistic people) ends up being either me firing on all cylinders, basically redlining myself, or me just not participating in conversation. And ive gotten to the point i dont bother to have thoughts and opinions on things unless i read them or am talking to one of the like 3 people i trust in this way.

So the point is, i am socially incompetent, because social interactions are accompanied by a set of expectations that have a strong impedance mismatch with me.

Disability itself is a socially constructed idea, built on accepting societal expectations as normal and everyone who cant engage within acceptable parameters is disabled. So i am disabled in the sense that society sometimes perceives me that way. But i dont consider myself as such, because the problem isnt with me, the problem is how society is organized and structured and the norms it upholds and enforces.

No for myself in the same way I don’t consider my being trans a disability. I consider it a normal variation in the human experience. (Obviously others people’s experiences vary in both cases).

But fuck if we haven’t designed a society that makes it really hard for both.

It has made me completely unable to connect with other human beings. Which I now understand is at least in part due to existing under capitalism and existing mostly around crackers my entire life.

On the flip side I got wicked smart brains and I can hyperfocus on things. I wish I had something cool to direct my brainpower towards but I guess I'm using it to overthrow capitalism now

I think it is for me, but the things surrounding it (e.g. cptsd from parents and how people have treated me) are far worse disabilities. Were society kinder, I'd just be kinda weird, but I currently spend most of my time exhausted from being terrified about how people will lash out at me.

I love not being capable of working more than 24-32 hours a week yippeeeee

Adding another yes to the pile

Even in an accommodating society with a perfect childhood I would still shut down and dissociate when I hear too much noise for too long

I have a lot of very separate symptoms, some of which are disabling, some are just who I am. I like obsessively playing Victoria 3. I don’t like freaking out because of the sound of the dog licking itself. Etc.

I will say, of my mental disorders, autism is the only one that has parts I consider core to who I am and wouldn’t want to change. The rest of them can go entirely. Depression can fuck off, the anxiety can also fuck off, and people like to say ADHD has upsides but I don’t see them and I’d like to be able to remember to do simple tasks.

It's a disability but it also makes me pretty good at other things so I'm not too broken up about it anymore. Sucked as a teenager, sucks much less as an adult.

Social model of disability.

Follow up: how much tylenol do you consume daily to maintain your current autism level?

I don't have an official diagnosis but I wouldn't be surprised if I could get diagnosed with some mild form of autism. I have been diagnosed officially with ADHD which I understand to have a significant comorbidity with autism as well as with avoidant personality disorder which also sounds like it has something in common with autism. Anyways, a lot of the experiences I hear autistic people talk about resonate with me.

In one way, this is just the way I am. Yes, I focus intensely on things that interest me. Yes, I don't give a fuck about social drama. Yes, I am more reserved than most people in social situations and they do seem to ture me more than most people. Yes, I'm really bothered by some noises and textures. Yes, I am absolutely allergic to bullshit and hypocrisy. That's not a disability — at least it shouldn't be — that's just how some people are. People are different, that shouldn't be pathologised.

But on the other side, this is certainly disabling in practical terms. A lot of the things that sucks and has sucked in my life can be active to me being a bit different. I would have fared a lot better in a kinder, more rational society but even then many things would have been harder to me than to must people. Most of the time growing up I was asking myself "why can't I just be normal?" and to a large extent I still do. Feeling like I'm standing outside looking in seems to be an existential precondition for me and that is a very lonely and frustrating position to be in. Struggling with social interactions doesn't mean they're not important to me and being unable to form and maintain them at a "normal" extent has been a constant source of misery for me as long as I can remember.

As long as it interferes with my ability to find work and pay rent I consider it a disability and take any benefits I am offered (which don’t amount to much).

Yeah for sure. It was such a mindfuck for me because I never knew I had it. I was just extremely anxious, social anxiety, always struggling with depression, averse to a lot of things, and low self esteem. I thought I was just weak-willed and wasn't trying hard enough. But realizing I had a disability this whole time changed everything. It all makes sense now. That stuff was always going to be there because of how I'm wired. Things will always be harder for me in certain ways.

But at this stage it's confusing where the lines are. Like, I'm not sure what I can do without burning out. Sometimes I have days that are so good it makes me question if I have it. Then other days are bad again and I feel silly for ever doubting. I don't know if I'll ever be able to work at a proper job. Or even at all. I'm lucky that at the moment I don't absolutely have to, but I don't know how long that will last, and it makes me scared.

Yeah it's definitely a disability.

The way I understand it, my doctors believed I have autism, but my guardian refused to sign off on an official diagnosis. I don't know how any of that works, I was like 9. Anyway, at school I had a PEP, and I had a lot of difficulties that other kids didn't have. I would say that when I was a kid, in a school environment, it certainly disabled me to an extent.

These days, as an adult with a job I chose, I don't really think of it as a disability. But maybe it is. The way I see it, I just have some extra things to consider that other people don't. But, then, so does a person who can't use their legs, really most of the extra stuff they need to worry about on an average day is "where are the wheelchair ramps" and stuff like that, which I guess isn't that much different from considering how stuff out and about might affect me differently with my autism.

I guess I don't have a simple answer. Yes and no. If it's a disability it's a very mild one for me. If it's not a disability then I've got some particularly troublesome quirks. Either view is acceptable to me I guess

I think I may be autism adjacent based on what people say to me, but nah I think I'm fine I don't even see how there could be a cure or improvement to what feels like fairly benign personality traits to me

But of course people were assholes to me for perceived slights all the time which made me very nervous all the time as a kid

So I guess I would be considered to be low support needs now. But really I've always existed on the cusp.

I consider my autism a disability with benefits, but I acknowledge that those benefits will never be supported in a capitalist system for the majority of autistic people and that my experience is a function of the privilege I grew up with.

Here's an example: I am doing a PhD in engineering. A few weeks ago, I delivered a technical presentation about my research to about 20 other researchers. I was 1000% in the zone. I was just being my authentic self the whole time and it was great. Research and teaching others is one of the few things I was put on this shithole planet to do.

The real challenge of that presentation was... showing up on time, being a normal, personable, fellow human being, smelling nice, doing small talk (because who gives a fuck about the weather, I just want to talk about your research and my research and what books you're reading!)... the "easy" stuff.

Thankfully, one of my special interests happens to be useful to capital. (PM me for more details on my research, but in short: my research would be equally valuable in a communist or anarchist society...and it's not defense. Fuck defense.) Unfortunately, most of my special interests are not useful to capital, and some are worse than useless for capital (i.e. anarcho-communism). I suspect that most autistic people are in the latter two bins. And frankly, so was I for the vast majority of my life.

For me, it's very difficult to motivate myself to do things that don't benefit my special interests. I.e. I only eat because cooking is one of my special interests. The things I do choose...I do them hard. Which, in my opinion, is a benefit...but that doesn't mean I'm not disabled in any ways. For example, I'm just kinda lying in bed sad and overheated instead of doing literally anything productive because my body really wants to be cold and until it's cold, nothing's gonna happen.

My autism renders me completely incapable of interacting with other people without getting treated like I’m from Mars. I’d let them “cure” me in a second.

Edit: worth adding I don’t have a formal diagnosis but I don’t know how you even get one without paying a million dollars and going into RFK’s death note

yea

Yes, in my circumstances the cons massively outweigh the pros

yes

It's kinda hard for me to say, tbh.

I don't really know if a lot of my issues are comorbidities with the heaps of other health issues I have, but I feel like autism has definitely prevented me from doing a lot of things I want to do. For instance, from what I read, there's been a lot of talk about "autistic burnout" and I think, if it really what I'm suffering from, then it will cause me so many problems (it's already causing me a lot of problems, but I dread the future.)

I also have a lot of serious mental health issues, and I think a lot of it can be attributed due to the fact that trying to interact with "regular" society has netted me a lot of pain, suffering, and trauma. I also have extreme confidence issues resulting from so much allistic reprimand, where I have a compulsion to believe everything that I say or do is wrong / incorrect, and it's a living nightmare where I second guess myself all the time and react negatively to criticism.

Overall, my autism has (and probably will) cause me so much trouble and suffering both now and in the future. If I had the chance, would I reject it? Not really, even though I have never beared it's supposed fruits (people have told me that autism can "help" but I have many doubts) and have only experienced a constant stream of anxiety and pain, but I don't think it's inherently negative. Like @SuperZutsuki@hexbear.net and @lilypad@hexbear.net said in this thread, it's really an impediment brought about by material conditions rather than any hypothetical inherent badness of autism.

I don't want to vent too much, but yeah, I do consider it to be a disability, and it will probably bar me from many tasks - both necessary (jobs) and recreational (art).