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The dinner my now 5 year old requested for her birthday. Steak, bacon, grapes, and broccoli with cheese
(sh.itjust.works)
The wine is just for the adults
this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2025
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Thankfully, she did not ask for "all the bacon we have".
There's always next birthday lol.
What you may hear is, give me a lot of bacon.
Ron would laugh at the broccoli and ask "Why is the things I feed to my food next to the real food?"
Edit: word
It’s got cheese on it and Ron is a man of taste.
He’d eat this shit like it was Tammy II’s tuna tunnel.
Not the broccoli. I love broccoli, but Ron does not. Watch 'Parks & Rec'. Specifically the episode where Rob Lowe cooks him mushroom steaks. Or the episode where he cooks the pig. Do you even know 'bout Ron Swanson.
Ben ass mofo. Get in touch with lil Sebastian.
Ron would be caught dead eating stunted trees.
Maybe if it were jammed into a Paunch Burger.
TIL I am 5.
Fucking same, apparently, that looks great to me, shit.
Maybe switch to more bitter grapes, and maybe use something like ... a mix of gouda and feta with the broccoli, pour over after slightly steaming the broccoli?
Throw in a slice or two of french bread?
That's a feast for a king as far as I'm concerned.
Gouda and feta?
I used to an actually respect you.
Why wouldn't you?
Its a perfect combo for not only gloriously blasting your tastebuds, but also ass blasting out the creamiest of farts.
As the saying goes:
Get behind me, Satan.
(Mix in some asiago too, to taste, of course)
A daughter with such refined tastes is a treasure
She's great. It was between this meal and chicken nuggets for her I think lol.
A very expensive one, to be sure.
The wine is just for the adults
Awww... But it's their birthday!
We still (😭) live in the US, dammit!
You can do lots of stuff in the US. Just don't get caught!
Pretty sure giving alcohol to your own children, in your own house, is just fine. Hell, kids are allowed to partake in drinking the communion wine at church.
Yeah but then you'd have to go in a church.
People often say "god is everywhere", or whatever. Just invent a religion and decree that your house is a church of it.
As a bonus, it also works for tax evasion.
If God is everywhere, He's up your ass too.
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_drinking_age
Seventeen states (Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Florida, Kentucky, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Missouri, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, New York, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, and Wyoming) and the District of Columbia have laws against possession of alcohol by minors, but they do not prohibit its consumption by minors.
Fourteen states (Alaska, Colorado, Delaware, Illinois, Louisiana, Maine, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, Ohio, Oregon, Texas, Wisconsin, and Virginia) specifically permit minors to drink alcohol given to them by their parents or by someone entrusted by their parents.^[citation needed]^
Many states also permit the drinking of alcohol under the age of 21 for religious or health reasons.
If you're in one of the above states, it's probably fine as long as you're with her. As a backup, just invent your own religion that has a special ceremony at age 5, consisting of this exact meal, with wine.
I mostly assume it's one of those "don't get crazy and get caught" situations. You let them taste some alcohol every once in a while so they don't get weird ideas about it and go too hard when they get older. But we're talking tastes, not shots. If they show up drunk with alcohol poisoning, I suspect you will have to answer some unfriendly questions to answer in all of the states. (Also, I mean, it's bad for them. Don't do that.)
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The fact it is a bit of cheese melted on top and not cheese sauce triggers.
It's melted Velveeta with some milk in it to make it runny. My plate here was last to get made so it sort of re congealed.
As a father who fails at trying to convince my 3 year old daughter to try something else besides Mac and Cheese and grapes every.single.night for dinner, you're winning at this parenting thing.
Thanks! This kid will eat anything. Her little brother is a nightmare to feed...
Aside from the grapes that's a hella fine dinner. Heck I'd even do the grapes but fancy . Good life choices here. In my day my day was the metal man Swanson fried chicken dinner with the brownie.
Grapes are awesome, frozen grapes even more so. Not only are they ~~grape~~ great by themselves, but you can use them in lieu of ice cubes to keep your drinks cold without diluting them.
When I was 5 I also liked the leafy broccoli part. Tolerated just a bit of the stem
I'm an adult and I still don't like the stem. But I'm more strategic about it now. Save the stem for pot pies, stir fry, etc. use the tops for everything else!
Stem is my favorite part honestly. But I'd rather not cook it, just cut the hard outer layer off.
Pretty sophisticated meal for a 5 year old
She specifically requested steak bacon and grapes. The bacon we thought was kinda weird for dinner, but it was a surprisingly satisfying addition.
The next few days will have to be salads to counter the fat though.
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At least you won't have to eat your spaghetti with ketchup and mustard like my youngest wants. We indulge him, but I'm hoping he'll grow out of it, honestly. Any leftovers on his plate are always inedible because he wants fuckin mustard on all his shit.
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At fancy get-togethers, my step used to serve some sort of red or white juice in Bordeaux glasses for the children, when adults had wine and sparkling juice in flutes when when we had champagne. It served two purposes: it prepared children for adult formal events while also making the children feel more important. And if a kid's table was necessary, yes, an adult sat with the kids, to assist as necessary.
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Get a glass of grape juice for the kids it looks like wine snd comes in a wine bottle
I am just here to say the shock value of recognizing wine and reading its a menu for a 5yo is working.
I'm glad someone is reading closely.
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