askchapo

I'm not and kinda old. Come close many times. I've lost many friends and family over the years, the world just feels very different to me. I'm not looking to die it's just time makes everything feel off. It all looks and feels the same but the people you care about are gone or diminished or busy. Your body gets worn out quicker and nothing is as fresh as it once was. I know it sounds depressing but it isn't really, you just get tired and sleepy feeling and you wouldn't really care if it was your last sleep.

For me, existence has been constant emotional and physical pain. I am resentful of my parents having me as a child without being able to provide for me.

I feel like nothingness will be better than constant suffering, but I also don't want to upset people around me.

I’m not afraid of death. The moments just before death - depending on how I die that might be a bit unpleasant so I guess I’m a bit worried about that. But death itself I’m not too concerned about. A bit like going home I assume.

I’m probably rather young (34) compared to the example, but even since I was a teen I had the feeling that I didn’t really had a fear of dying, and my experience last year with cancer kinda confirmed that.

I was diagnosed with testicle cancer, and as soon as the initial exams were confirming it (and I only need to go back to the doctor so that he could confirm and explain the next steps), I was thinking about worst case scenarios and I noticed that I wasn’t really nervous or afraid, my state of mind was more like “in this scenario, what should be my priorities instead?” I was mentally read to find out that it had spread like crazy or some insane terminal situation and the only major worry for me was how could I explains this to my wife/family/friends and how could I help them deal with it better.

In the end, everything went nearly on best case scenarios. The specific kind of cancer I had was very aggressive (so it had spread a bit) but it also reacts extremely well to chemo, so the chances that I’d be completely cured were high. I had to do some pretty intense chemo for some months, and so far there’s no sign of it anymore. I’m just focusing on staying as healthy as I can, mostly because of the chemo impact than the actual cancer.

That said, I’ve always noticed that I had a strange way to deal with death than most people. I haven’t had a close relative (father/sister/etc) death so I’m not 100% sure on what exactly is different on my reactions. Closest so far were grandparents and an “aunt” (not blood related). I tend to “accept” death very easily, and most of my sadness is more due to the suffering I see others going through than anything I actually feel. I do miss my grandparents, especially my grandma, but it’s not something that I suffer over. When I see my father hurting because of it it hurts much more than the feeling that comes from myself.

I hope this can serve as an example of such perspective.

What can I say, I’ve lived a good life. I’m happy, fulfilled. If I go, I go, simple as.

I do, to a degree.

The last four years I've stared my own mortality in the face three different occasions due to cancer. I made some peace with it. What I have always returns.

My reasons for feeling this way may not be similar to your doc, but I am not afraid of dying any longer. I have kids, both teenagers now. They are the only thing that gives me any sort of feeling of regret for the day when I am no longer here. I'm sure they would feel some loss at my dying but they are fully functional humans, for the most part, so my need to guide and give advice decreases as the time passes. My life isn't over, but even supposing I live to be 80, I've lived roughly 60% of my shelf life. It coming, and sooner rather than later.

Yeah, life is exhausting. Death would be very convenient.

Dying is the reality, immortality the dream.

I hate the idea of no longer being, but it's not something I actively fear. I used to, but the more I tried to think about it, the less there was to fear for me. It's like the cessation of my active mind during sleep, I dislike that I have the time stolen from my mind, but it's not something to fear for me. I find many things saddening that I don't find scary; I'm sad I won't see the post-capitalist system as if it happens during our lifetime I have no illusions about living through the upending that brings it about for example.

I used to be mortified of death, having existential dread having me panic at night, at some point it became something that stopped giving me much pause.

I am still terrified of dying though, if I don't wake up in the morning on day, so be it, I don't want to go in some painful car crash if I get a vote.

I believe in a sort of secular afterlife. Death is the end of our own personal subjective experience, but the past is never dead - it's not even past. Everyone and everything that came before lead to this moment, and all of that history lives in us today. Even when every living memory of us has faded we live on in the historical record and in our material impact on the world - especially today! Lucy was just a collection of bone fragments, we don't really know that much about her and maybe we never will. Our afterlives will be rich by comparison, we're extremely lucky to be born in a time where we won't be forgotten by history. I was here.

I'm not afraid to die, but I'm also not looking forward to it, if that makes sense. It's the nature of consciousness to be transient, we all die and return to the earth, nourishing and making way for new life. It's just the nature of things, no more logical to fear death than to fear the sun coming up in the morning.

it used to bug me a lot but i think i finally found closure on it. death gives life meaning. if i didn't know my time was limited, the time i have here wouldn't matter, i would be content to waste away and never feel pressure to do anything. what you're afraid to lose would lose all value without the fear, it only feels valuable when you know you won't get enough.

I'm not afraid of being dead. It's like the time before I was born. I won't be around to experience it, so it's doesn't concern me personally. The process of dying might be painful, so I think it's natural to be a little afraid of that, but it'll pass. If I had children, I would be worried about how they'd cope without me. I guess precautions could be made and conversations had just in case.

What exactly are you afraid of? Is it FOMO (fear of missing out) about not being able to do and experience specific things? Or FOF (fear of failure) about not being able to complete tasks and being there for people? I think both are among the most common fears in live and not just in relation to death. So they can be treated just like usual fears, for example by reframing or other techniques from cognitive behavior therapy. Or just view them as temporary emotions, that pass.

Or is it about being forgotten? I think practicing acceptance helps with this. Maybe you've got unresolved conflict or things you need to say to people? Maybe have that talk or write down your thoughts.

Or is it an existential angst about the mystery that is death and about not being able to comprehend your own non-existence? This last one is where I think the comparison to the time before our birth helps.

Or is it this other existential angst about how death means that all of our choices matter? That everything we do closes off paths to lives we'll never live. And how we can never really know what could have been and if we made the "right" choice. This again is more about live, than about death. It's about giving your live meaning. Existentialist philosophers like Satre, Camus and Simon de Beauvoir recommend embracing the freedom, inevitable absurdity and ambiguity of our lives (in this order by author) and just trying to live an authentic live, true to ourselves and making our own meaning. (All three of them also recommend fighting for communism, but only de Beauvoir succeeded in connecting this to her philosophy, by insisting authenticity includes upholding the freedom of others.)

I no longer am, but had a terrible time at a very (too) young age where I constantly was, because I had this deep existential experience where I very deeply understood death and the finality of it. But even then I was mostly afraid of my parents dying, especially my dad.

And in hindsight I've realized a lot of that fear was explained by the profound unsafety of my childhood and the way too high responsibility I was under, taking care of younger siblings, trying to make sure everyone was ok. My parents had problems, there was alcohol involved etc.

As I got older myself and had a kid of my own, I started to mostly fear if I die and leave them too soon, which would be so hard for them. Over time older relatives died and I got closer and closer to the finish line myself. Then I got what I assume was covid and had a months long aftermath of profound anxiety, heart issues and a fear of never waking up in the morning every night. So I had to eventually resign to the fact that it is indeed out of my hands.

I don't do any sort of faith, my view is that life ends when it ends and it is over. I find that somehow soothing. But I still think it's tragic that all that a person ever was and all they learnt just is kind of gone one day. It feels like a waste. I think it's sad and I mourn this, but don't fear it anymore.

And people do live on in other people, their skills included. So we are all a part of this great continuum of human society. My cooking comes from my grandmother who is long gone, but she is with me everytime I cook.

The only thing about death that scares me now is the possible suffering or pain. The only worry I have is for others, those left behind. But I know I won't know I am dead, so it doesn't matter. I could go to sleep tonight and never wake up and not know it, because I am gone. It genuinely doesn't matter. It is like falling asleep, I view going to sleep like a small death rehearsal every time, because you let go of your consciousness. Being put under for surgery is a similar leap, but so is every moment we get. People slip in their bathrooms and die, you never know.

I very much love life and hope it goes on as long as possible, I have so much yet to do. But I can't control it. So I am just going to focus on living.