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One of my past therapists said they were not afraid to die. Then I missed our very last appointment where I was going to ask them to explain that. Does anyone relate to them? (hexbear.net)

submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by HexaSnoot@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net

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They retired shortly after the missed appointment, and I'll never be able to ask them. I've been wondering about what their reasons are everyday since.

Context is they're very old, love going out to the middle of nowhere and laying down to feel vibrations in the ground. They're only afraid of their death hurting people around them, so if they're not dying fighting for social justice, they'll live out their life to their oldest age.

If you also aren't afraid to die, could you please explain to me how? I want answers even if it's from other people.

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[–] woodenghost@hexbear.net 1 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I'm not afraid of being dead. It's like the time before I was born. I won't be around to experience it, so it's doesn't concern me personally. The process of dying might be painful, so I think it's natural to be a little afraid of that, but it'll pass. If I had children, I would be worried about how they'd cope without me. I guess precautions could be made and conversations had just in case.

What exactly are you afraid of? Is it FOMO (fear of missing out) about not being able to do and experience specific things? Or FOF (fear of failure) about not being able to complete tasks and being there for people? I think both are among the most common fears in live and not just in relation to death. So they can be treated just like usual fears, for example by reframing or other techniques from cognitive behavior therapy. Or just view them as temporary emotions, that pass.

Or is it about being forgotten? I think practicing acceptance helps with this. Maybe you've got unresolved conflict or things you need to say to people? Maybe have that talk or write down your thoughts.

Or is it an existential angst about the mystery that is death and about not being able to comprehend your own non-existence? This last one is where I think the comparison to the time before our birth helps.

Or is it this other existential angst about how death means that all of our choices matter? That everything we do closes off paths to lives we'll never live. And how we can never really know what could have been and if we made the "right" choice. This again is more about live, than about death. It's about giving your live meaning. Existentialist philosophers like Satre, Camus and Simon de Beauvoir recommend embracing the freedom, inevitable absurdity and ambiguity of our lives (in this order by author) and just trying to live an authentic live, true to ourselves and making our own meaning. (All three of them also recommend fighting for communism, but only de Beauvoir succeeded in connecting this to her philosophy, by insisting authenticity includes upholding the freedom of others.)