Right now this site is acting like a Demon Pit for my Gender Thoughts that spits them back out as terrible monsters meant to horrify me.

I thought talking would make it better. It has not. I thought I could make friends by being genuine. I have not. I'm surprised that you all are so comfortable with someone getting worked up this often, if I'm being honest.

There's probably some other thread where you all exchange Cool Trans Secrets anyway. It is what it is. I'm not worthy.

As someone early in their transition, I am filled to the brim with questions and concerns and thoughts about gender and sexuality. I don't know if this is normal. I've been single for years, no sex life to speak of. I'm a blank slate, I am so eager to learn.

But you all make me feel like I should keep these things to myself. There's no discussion to be had, I guess. I should just read old Reddit threads where someone else describes what I'm talking about.

I'm putting a few ventilations in one comment. I literally have to limit my screen time or else I'll post all day until I get a response. This isn't how I wanted to be. People can stop this by helping.

So it's weird because she graduated, I don't see her anymore, but the connections are mutual enough that I'm just aware of this person and have no idea how to have friendship, or even a conversation with her.

I think I'd faint if she talked to me. I know that's pathetic. I feel this way about a percentage of the women I go to school with. It's envy, attraction, then shame, then I am invisible. Like a woman would laugh me out of the room for thinking I could ever look like her, be like her.

It's hard. I shut down because I'm like, "well she sees me as a guy, and she has a boyfriend, so she probably isn't going to want to talk to me because she sees me as a guy so she assumes I'm a horndog because straight men only reallybefriend women for sex and I'm not a man so I don't know how to befriend women"

I think we could've been friends. Unless she's still in town it's probably too late.

I'm also jealous of literally every couple I see. Any time I see two women especially I'm like "WHAT DO THEY KNOW THAT I DO NOT" and I think this comes from the fact that I think people who are able to have friends and keep people around do know something that I don't.

Like you, reading this, if you have someone you just casually text and don't ever really wonder about the consistency of the back and forth, congrats, I'm jealous of your ability to keep people around. You are a social Adonis as far as I'm concerned.

If I'm out and I see two people, my mind is immediatelywondering how they know each other, how long they've been together, how much fun it must be to be together.

really dysphoric about my tits, feel like they're still tiny compared to cis girl tits

all the other trans girlies in the discord are swapping tit pics

figure i might as well throw mine into the pile

they look bigger in the pics than i'd thought they'd look

one of them straight up says they thought I had a BA already (14 months HRT, + 8 months prog, zero surgeries)

actually measure them

C cups

okay holy shit never mind uh... i guess i got some real fuckin boobs now, don't i?

I do have a few supportive friends that I want to tell, but it still feels kind of cringe..... So if anyone could, I would be so happy to have someone ask a few questions.

Also talking to this goth girl right now that thinks it's super hot that I smoke and requests videos of me smoking all day. God bless goth girls