731
Sell consulting services. Doesn't matter if you're right or wrong, what matters is that you're paid.
(slrpnk.net)
Legends.
this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025
731 points (99.7% liked)
Microblog Memes
8263 readers
1903 users here now
A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.
Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.
Rules:
- Please put at least one word relevant to the post in the post title.
- Be nice.
- No advertising, brand promotion or guerilla marketing.
- Posters are encouraged to link to the toot or tweet etc in the description of posts.
Related communities:
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
TLC used to be The Learning Channel. Before it was “here’s a bunch of children who are being sexually abused behind the camera,” it was educational outreach. Vocational training. Satellite college courses for people in Alaska and Appalachia.
Then Discovery bought it. Fuck Discovery.
One of my favorite channels. I liked learning new stuff. Factual stuff. Not conspiracy theories disguised as history.
Why do I associate TLC with, like, Trading Spaces and other domestic not-quite-a-game shows like that? Am I conflating it with something else? Also I haven't had "television" in decades now.
Because that’s the slop it turned into. It was a place for documentaries and educational content, just like MTV used to have music. But watching Kate torment her brood of children or Honey BooBoo eat sketti makes the kind of money airing a college lecture doesn’t.
In, fire 30 percent of the workforce, new logo, boom, out.
You are now a fully trained management consultant.
"What's your advice?"
"My advice is to not take my advice. That'll be 63 million dollars, please."
"Certainly Sir! Money well spent!"
You have to understand why they are employed though - somebody stands to gain from doing some thing, so the way they get to justify doing that thing is to hire these people, so they come in, deliver a report that says the thing is the best thing to do with graphs that go up, and it happens, McKinsey gets paid, the beneficiary gets what they want and life goes on.
That would unironically be good advice which means he couldnt give it.
But if he did, would they take it?
Fuck McKinsey.
Isn't the google ceo a McKinsey stooge?
Yes, he is. It explains a lot.
I don't care if you're wrong, I will propagate it anyway.
I mean no need to spread misinformation. This information in easily verifiable.
Sundar Pichai, Google's CEO, worked at McKinsey for ~2 years and then joined Google in 2004, eventually working his way into the position of CEO.
Pichai's fuck ups are unlikely a result of McKinsey, at least not directly. That isn't to say that McKinsey is completely off the hook. They work with plenty of "top" companies and I'm certain Google is one of them.
They certainly hire some "talent"
Consulting services are vital because they improving corporate synergy by utilizing market solutions and relocating potential where it is needed most.
Don’t forget that they also leverage institutional assets to extract value using best practices!
We'll circle back to that.
Can I talk to you offline?
Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturiser, then an anti-ageing eye balm followed by a final moisturising protective lotion.
They've developed a perpetual consulting loop. Genius.
I wish I could be paid that much to be wrong all the time.
Well, consulting is often used because they need an answer to a question. That may be open-ended like:
"What moves should we make to expand our business?"
But other times they just want confirmation:
"Should we merge with Discovery?" (Sure, I guess. Here are some reasons you could. cha-ching)
"Should we split with Discovery?" (Sure, I guess. Here are some reasons you could. cha-ching)
Other times they just need to pay people to give them excuses to lay off people. McKinsey's always available for that.
Sounds like a job that would be easy to replace with ChatGPT.
McKinsey:
For when you have no fucking clue how to do your job, and want authoritative, plausible deniability about that.
Obviously you should keep paying my $1.3 million annual salary. We just paid McKinsey $30 million to say how vital my department is
When Chipotle got a new CEO (Brian Niccol, who has since become the Starbucks CEO) a few years back, they were headquartered in Denver. But the CEO lived in Newport Beach. So they brought in a consulting management firm to examine where the best place in the country was for them to have their corporate headquarters.
After weeks of analysis - surprise, surprise - they determined that the best place they could possibly have a corporate headquarters was in Newport Beach, where the CEO lived.
So they fired most of their corporate workers and moved the office to be closer to the CEOs house.
I have experienced this where I work. There is a consulting company that gets rolled out to make packets full of "data", graphs, summaries, and surveys that always manages to support the unpopular thing the boss wants.
“Sorry we don’t do remote work and you’ll have to come into the office.”
“Counterpoint: …”
Starbucks has a mandatory 3 day a week RTO policy, but this same CEO did not relocate from Newport beach to Seattle.
Instead, he has the corporate private jet fly him 2000 miles round trip every week.
Seems like a solid solution. Why doesn't everyone just do that?
How should we defend Athens?
Consultancy says "A wooden wall will save Athens"
We've been doing this forever...
Other times they just need to pay people to give them excuses to lay off people. McKinsey’s always available for that.
What would you say... you do here?
Look, I already told you: I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills. I am good at dealing with people! Can't you understand that!? What the hell is wrong with you people!!
Get paid to do the work of someone who could be employed for a reasonable salary, but the board or CEO wants the answer to come from someone outside the company to avoid taking any blame.
load more comments
(2 replies)
On the other hand, they're grifting Zaslav, who is possibly the worst person in show business, so...maybe let them cook.
Do this, do that, now go back the way you started. That'll be $155 million. Be sure to smash that Like button and don't forget to Subscribe!
So, this bastard and Zaslav are the reason I can't watch older seasons of Expeditions Unknown on HBOMax. Fuck 'em both.
I thought CEOs commanded wildly exorbitant salaries because they were super smart and made all the decisions. Why would a consulting firm exist?
view more: next ›