this post was submitted on 18 Nov 2024
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hi so i forgot to message the person who was next (sorry HelltakerHomosexual) so i'm just gonna talk about a thing i like

Shadow the Hedgehog is a character that appears in the Sonic the Hedgehog series. Characterized by his sharp wit and strong sense of purpose, Shadow is a recurrent arch-rival of Sonic the Hedgehog, whom he resembles and shares many abilities. He is a major supporter of trans people, as evidenced by his catchphrase, "Trans people are cool!"

^ this is all from the wiki btw

I like Shadow a lot. His first appearance in the series is in a game where him and Sonic are both fighting the government and destroying these multi-million dollar gunships. Sonic is doing it because he loves communism but Shadow is doing it because he has a blood feud against G.U.N., who are like the global government death squads because they killed this girl, Maria, who he was best friends with.

Maria basically had an incurable illness that Eggman's grandpa was trying to cure by creating an immortal lifeform, which is actually how Shadow was born. Also, Shadow has a copy of Maria's soul I guess? Seriously, look it up. I'm reading all this shit for the first time right now and that sounds kinda trans to me.

Anyway, she gets shot by the troops and despite Maria telling Shadow to be normal and happy, Eggman's grandpa is pissed off about it so he starts psyopping Shadow into wanting to kill everyone on Earth. Eggman's grandpa successfully does the psyop and locks Shadow away until Eggman finds and releases him.

With his newfound power, Shadow starts being evil and helping Eggman find the Chaos Emeralds because he sees him piss on the moon or something. This goes on for a while until he gets back on the space station and remembers what Maria said, deciding to finally be normal and happy.

He switches up, goes Hyper Shadow and helps Sonic defeat the Biolizard which is basically what it sounds like: a giant lizard who wears the space station like a little jacket and shoots lasers from his mouth. Also, that thing was the prototype Ultimate Lifeform before they decided on the optimal form of existence: a little bipedal anthro hedgehog.

So they beat this lizard up, I guess it dies and then the space station is hurtling toward the Earth. Shadow takes a Chaos Emerald and, with the help of Sonic, does one last Chaos Control on the space station, returning it to a stable altitude. Sonic finds himself back on the space station as he flies into the atmosphere. After this, a big semi-translucent Shadow appears on top of the Earth and everyone can see it.

Why would I lie about that? Here it is.

Anyway, a bunch of shit happens after that but I don't care about it. If someone else wants to talk about Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) feel free. What I really wrote this out to justify talking about is the moon in Sonic games. Like I said before, the moon gets pissed on and destroyed with the help of Shadow,

and then in the next game it's just fine but evil now(???)

and after THAT it's not evil anymore but it's fully intact:

What the fuck? Why? How? I watched it get blown up. Who put the moon back together? Anyway, we're getting in the weeds here. Welcome to the mega.


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[โ€“] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago (7 children)

weird thing to harp on about but I really want to see more fictional depictions of trans people that show them not really passing. Like, I kind of want to see a video game featuring a trans woman with kind of a clockable face and not well trained voice (And, I shouldn't have to state: isn't treated as a punchline or abnormal for it). Give me more blunt, realistic depictions of trans people, dammit

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[โ€“] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago

My psychology textbook didn't CW transphobia, how do I report it to the mods?

[โ€“] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago (3 children)

hair's finally growing decently long. i can fit it about an inch of it in my mouth now, and I'm a little conflicted because on the one hand, long ass hair is something I've always wanted to try and grow and will likely get me gendered correctly more, on the other hand, damn, i look really fucking cute in short hair...

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[โ€“] JohnBrownsBussy2@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago (8 children)

Got my prescription from Planned Parenthood! 2 mg E and 50 mg spiro, both oral. Still nervous, but I am excited.

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[โ€“] bolshevikLovelace@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago

uhhhh this is a long rant into the void, i'm sorry in advance

recontextualising my childhood (cw depression)i'm now realising that i was very likely depressed when i was 14-15. at the time i remember thinking that i wasn't charismatic/masculine enough for anyone to spend time with. i thought a lot about suicide but never considered it. i watched SO many videos like "How to get people to like you". but i didn't think i was depressed then because i had a group of friends, now i don't think they ever really cared about my wellbeing at all. then, go figure, i would crush so hard on any girl that showed me any lick of compassion or just feel weird that i was trying to hang out with someone of the other gender. it's infuriating how much my friends, family, the internet, all bullied the masculinity into me and that i had no idea what was wrong with me (was yet to figure out there was nothing wrong, just trans and autistic).

well i was at that low point until i started talking to someone and one day she invited me to this charity event that i cross-dressed in. her friends, that i had known but not really connected with before, helped me get ready and they made me feel so fucking pretty omg. i never forgot that, it was the best night i'd had in a really long time (even if my friends laughed at the pictures when they saw them). well, full of anxiety i asked that girl out and she said yes. we dated for 10 months or so and i think the whole time i was living vicariously through her - "while boys can't go to girls hangouts and help do girl things, boyfriends can" kinda mentality. the break up was kinda expected but losing that group of people that actually cared about me was really tough.

there was quite a bit of repression after that but i'll save that for another rant lol

anyways, thank god for hexbear-trans. i'm sad that it took me a while to figure out but i'm glad it happened when it did

[โ€“] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago

My mask broke and I don't have another one on me.

This is horrible for a lot of reasons, including the fact that I'm sick ralsei-splat

[โ€“] JohnBrownsBussy2@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago

I take back what I said about pants chain. I had picked one up at a thrift shop, and I have the chance to put on full makeup and try stuff out tonight. Honestly, it kinda slaps, although the color of the metal doesn't match some of my other jewelry accessories (it's more of a gunmetal than a silver).

[โ€“] WalrusDragonOnABike@lemmy.today 13 points 7 months ago (3 children)

CW: indirect dysphoriaTis weird experiencing dysphoria because of other people's voice or body. Like, sometimes when I hear guys talk with a very buzzy voice, I find it icky. Not because I think its a bad voice inherently, but the thought of me sounding like that just bothers me (unfortunately, when I'm congested, its hard not to sound sorta like that). Or like, I saw my brother's leg/chest hair and I felt surprised that I never had such a clear issue with the fact that I used to be hairier than him pretty recently. But since it originally grew in very slowly, I got used to it and became mostly numb to it? Like I still don't shave or trim all that much, but like there's no way I'd be okay with it being like that anymore.

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[โ€“] egged@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago (2 children)

THANK YOU I've always been thinking "why did the moon just come back? why is nobody acknowledging this?" Now I feel so seen

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[โ€“] kristina@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago (3 children)
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[โ€“] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago

Hey this feminist ethical theorist is taking a pretty marxist view on feminism, I wonder what the rest of the class is going to say about the issues that still face us today!

up-arrow clueless

[โ€“] bolshevikLovelace@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago (8 children)

i'm kinda happy with estrogen effects on breast size so far, i know it can generally take a while but eughhh when will my nipples stop looking so weird??

also (cw sex stuff)i started cyproterone at 3 months and my libido is gone. completely fucking wiped out. i have to try so hard to convince myself that the effort could be worth it. it's definitely better than the ravenous feelings i had with T but ehhh

got my 6 month catch up in Jan, would that be a good time to ask about prog? i don't want to come off too eager but... well i am

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[โ€“] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago (2 children)

blog, sadposting, crush, dysphoria progress I guess?Didn't see crush today, kept thinking about them and made myself sad

Took a selfie in the gym changing room? I never take pictures of myself

Not really happy with it but I guess I'm less unhappy with my appearance than I usually am? I liked my outfit and I looked alright I guess? Idk

I feel like I'm making a lot of progress, but in a way that just makes me more acutely aware of the things about myself I hate and can't really do anything to change

I dunno, big bittersweet feels today

Beats being severely depressed but I've been pretty bummed out lately thinking about how elated I'd be to have just a pretty mundane neurotypical cishet person's unremarkable suburban life instead of (gestures at self) this

I wish I was as self aware and determined as I am now like 14 years ago

I've wasted so much of my life just being depressed and have so little to show for it

Now that I'm doing better, it just makes me angry at myself and shitty circumstances I had to deal with for leaving me with such a deep hole to try to climb out of

Idk I'm exhausted and really, really lonely and I feel like I've missed a ton of windows for lives I could have led that would've left me a lot happier with myself than where I am now

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Im sad, can't play games with my person tonight

gotta study gotta get going

things are hard

[โ€“] yewler@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago

dysphoriaI just want to feel like a girl. I bought a really cute hat and gloves and wore them with a sweater I got a few weeks ago and I felt adorable and I loved it. But it's almost like the more comfortable I get with doing more and more fem things the more impatient I get, and the sadder I get that this is such a long process. And when I take the stuff off I get hit with this "oh shit yeah that's right I have a guy body." I don't want to have a guy body.

The days where I feel so happy to be trans are usually followed by evenings where I wish I was cis. Like a sugar crash but for gender feelings.

In related news I've realized I could never turn my back on being trans. At the beginning of this journey one of the only things giving me the confidence to keep going was the realization that I could always just not be trans if I found it wasn't for me. Fuuuuck that at this point it's clear that if I ever try to be cis again it would destroy me.

[โ€“] SuperZutsuki@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

Is it just me or does starting E and spiro feel like a medium (sub tripping) dose of mushrooms? My head feels funny in the same way where it seems like new connections are being made and I also got nausea that eventually passed. Anyway, 3rd day on the juice possum-party

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[โ€“] ashinadash@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (4 children)

Psycho Nymph Exile

Click below to be Normal! normal

spoiler cw discussions of trauma, incest mentions maybe in a kink context?, idek just look out Writing out that CW was a brain-bender.

So I finally got back to reading and thinking about gay trans shit, which is rad I really missed it. Talked to someone who has Psycho Nymph Exile by Porpentine Charity Heartscape in her top 10, fucking sick. I figured I'd get back into the swing with that because, Ada Rook, Fallow, I know who Porpentine is. That'll probably be brain-stimulating while not exploding my brain.

I got my brain exploded nia-you-what just a lil...

I was following along acceptably until the plot actually kicks into gear, is it "some kind of weird lesbian incest", Vellus???

They tell people they're sisters, and Vellus is especially pleased when people mistake them for sisters without prompting. If blood relations are seen as superior because they precede intent, creating that bond deliberately feels powerful, like the creation of a shadow lineage.

Ohhhhh... makima-think so this is where all of those really intense presumably-kink-but-maybe-not horny posts on tumblr come from? Okay, yes. I believe so.

I dunno if I would say I'm enjoying Psycho Nymph, but it's a good exercise, I think I'm having fun. I could quote it forever, I like bending my head around the stuff; I'm getting my understanding expanded. But even if I will probably need to reread this immediately, it's also not 100% new and strange to me. I mean, who can't get down w/a footnote that reads 3. Girl smells trapped under hems and seams and elastic bands. right? (No clue why there are so many footnotes) There is T4T in Psycho Nymph which ABSOLUTELY fucking rules. My head is golden and warm and empty.

I'm so fucking jazzed, this is the kind of neural input I need. "Wanna just watch catgirl hypnosis vids and get high?" catgirl-heart Good vibe!!!

More on what I am yapping abt

Personal yapping

I stopped taking tramadol (37.5mg) because I figure I need at least one month's detox because when I stopped I could feel a fog lifting. The real change came when I started reading Psycho Nymph though, I could feel my grey matter reactivating and like, serotonin goo all over me. It was rad, I felt compelled to yap instantly, but Magi understandably isn't super interested in what's going on in Psycho Nymph, plus I wanna knock heads with people who know about it, y'know. If you know, you should inform me. madeline-stare

I love talking to people about stuff even if it's a strain. I guess one of the reasons I fell into an (at first deliberate) isolation is because, bereft of gay shit and dopey brained, I didn't have the right balance of like, queer humours to keep my brain in check. Usually, I think, the special interest brainrot way outweighs the difficulties and stressors and I fucking Post, I yap to people. Bereft of that I will become sad and listless.

Where did I get this life-altering dependancy on queer things that I have? Either I gave myself this depedence by reading Nevada too much, or else my brain was just inactive all those years until I read Orange Book and my brain activated.

Also I have no idea if or when I'm gonna read more Whipping Girl; I'm compelled to continue analysing it but hate reading it, and have no spoons catgirl-flop

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[โ€“] AcidSmiley@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Damn, i entirely forgot to post that i had my 2nd HRT anniversary this saturday! Made some nice onigiri to celebrate, shared them with my gal pal, gay stuff and singing workers' songs ensued. It's good how things are going.

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[โ€“] Kiagz@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago

Every monday I have an appointment with my therapist, but this time I show up only to find out that he's on vacation. Cool, not like they could have told me that ahead of time madeline-bruh

[โ€“] MusicOwl@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago (4 children)
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[โ€“] JohnBrownsBussy2@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (3 children)

E acquired (and also spiro).

Confirmed with the pharmacy tech that it's formulated for standard oral injestion rather than sublingual. Depending on how effective the regimen is, may ask to switch up at the 3 month checkin, but I am just excited to get started.

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[โ€“] Mousy@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago
[โ€“] Wmill@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago

There's shittin time and then there's quittin time and right now I'm all out of shits to give top-use-words

[โ€“] AshenWolf@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago (3 children)

My HRT checkup lasted 5 minutes and nothing of note happened. Yeah, that's it, although they do sound like they'll give me prog in 6 months. Could have gotten it now, but I feel like it's safer, and not any worse, to wait a bit longer.

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[โ€“] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago (4 children)

want to get a profile pic and banner and bio for my account because I've never done that

have no idea what to do

Any ideas? Characters I like maybe? Thinking about "hey what represents me?" is always strangely difficult for me, it took me ages just to make an account or usernames for stuff and I don't want them to have anything to do with me irl so I draw a blank a lot of the time

i-love-not-thinking

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[โ€“] Yukiko@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I'm dying. My mother decided to move Thanksgiving up to today because I won't be able to have it on Thursday and I'm killing myself with all the cooking. And yes, I'm starting to suspect that the real reason was because I'm the one that cooks the meal >w>

Send help and energy drinks

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[โ€“] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

CW foodThey made Cracker Jack woke!! maddened pronouns

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[โ€“] Thallo@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago (6 children)

another hrt questionHow long do I have to be on hormones before my wife can get me pregnant? thonk

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[โ€“] JohnBrownsBussy2@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago

I thought that Planned Parenthood was out-of-network, but it was actually in-network for my health insurance so I only have to pay $10 for the consultation/lab tests.

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