Re-watched I saw the tv glow 2 weeks ago with my girlfriend and it fucking destroyed me the second time around. Really took me by surprise because I didn't even tear up the first watch.

Same week I started sobbing from the pain during my laser session, like I was a total mess. I absolutely could not stop it from happening and It's not something that ever happened to me pre transition.

Today I connected just a little too hard with a song and started crying on my drive home.

E has turned me into a crybaby and I fucking love it. I love crying. Why? No clue, maybe it's because it's a sign that my emotions are actually available to me now.

Went out to dinner which I never do and everything was disappointing

Went to the batting cage, rolled my ankle and jammed my thumb

Went to a cat café and you have to book appointments in advance to actually go in and play with the kitties so I just got a cute mug for my mom

Went to a barcade and it was really loud and overwhelming and the non alcoholic IPA was underwhelming and a little flat

Had a really bad headache and had to drive home in the dark and LED headlights made it worse

I think I'm just allergic to outside and fun

Shit like this makes me aware that I'm probably way more spectrum-y than I usually think

Every attempt to Make Myself Have Fun feels magnetically repulsed by me and just leaves me exhausted and sad about how bad I am at interacting with the outside world

I feel like I need a week in bed in low lights and recording booth sound panels on my walls now

I'm just not cut out for this shit

There's a lot of dialog options in the basement. None of them work out for you, the player. She is a demon. A trickster, who can't be believed. Once in the basement, unless you stick exactly to the script you die. Sometimes you can kill her first. If you try to leave the basement, another (unknown) character locks you inside. Its too late to be saved at this point.

Assuming you don't get the "good" ending, after you (and possibly her) die you get brought to the beginning. Things change, depending on how you died and what dialog options you chose previously. The cabin changes, the state you find her in is different, you get different dialog. You start to splinter, there are more voices in your head. The voice of the broken, of cold. Your internal monologue becomes chaotic. But in a way, nothing changes. You are still supposed to kill the princess, and it becomes much harder. I'm not sure if there are any "good" endings past day one. If you don't defeat her perfectly and live in the void the narrator gives you, you become trapped in a cycle of violence. You die more, you get more voices, she becomes more powerful. It feels completely hopeless.

One of the endings (I don't completely remember how to get back here but I believe you have to kill her enough times?) she, this creature, possesses you. You hear her voice within your own head. Telling you to bring her to the rest of the world. That can't happen. She has proven herself to kill you if given any opportunity. You can't befriend her. I threw myself into a void, killing both of us. She is twisted and sick. Vengeful. She needs you to let her out. Once you start engaging with her, you are already doomed. She can't be entertained at all. If you do kill her at the very beginning and live, your life is empty. Floating in a void, told you are happy.

Maybe I'm a bit, but this is the most hopeless a game has made me feel. This game reminds me a lot of depression.