The Onion

Bleh, it sucks to find out about another school shooting this way. I'm glad they do this though.

"let's get back to talking about how gay books in the library are ruining our kids' lives!!"

-GOP

As a non-American, can I just say: get your shit together and ban guns as you clearly can’t be trusted with them as a country.

Fully expecting to get downvoted by the “but it’s mah hobby” brigade. Get a new hobby, there’s peoples lives at stake.

"If only there were 50 more guns for everyone to whip out at the same time with no way of knowing who the shooter is in the sea of guns, that'll be safer!"

NRA: If only enough 14 year olds were armed, this could have been prevented...

Thoughts and prayers

Now what about them there mexicans at the border!!!

My opinions about guns have changed over the years. I used to be of the opinion that nobody should have guns in this day and age, what's the point aside from ego boosting and sport.

Then a cheeto puff did a treason on jan6.

I'll give up my guns only after the fascists give up theirs. Non negotiable.

You want to "prevent tragedies"? fund programs for welfare and healthcare. Tax the rich. Break up megacorps like google, albertsons, nestle. Enact and enforce employee protections. Raise the minimum wage. Ban airbnb and heavily tax empty residences. Universal basic income! Did I mention fixing the healthcare system? More that I'm forgetting to list.

Miserable parents make miserable kids, and miserable kids lash out. For the wealthiest and most powerful nation on the planet, this shouldn't be hard to figure out.

Fuck this is the way I learn there’s been a school shooting!

This might be the most evergreen article The Onion has ever published.

School shooters still thinking they're going to become as infamous as Columbine. They're just getting added to the huge pile of names.

Nobody will remember you.

It's "funny" that there's conspiracy theories that these are all liberal psyops to force gun control. Surely the deep state would realize by now that no amount of dead children will change people's minds.

If you take away my unfettered access to guns, how will I support the government when they trample the rights of people I don't like? /s

The new face of violent radicalism in the United States: aggrieved, rural, white "Future Farmers of America" Trump kids raised by white, rural, aggrieved Trump parents that don't keep their guns secure.

Edit: yes, he was part of FFA. He was "member of the month" last month.

Every bad guy with a gun was a good guy with a gun yesterday.

Must suck to be the person that has to write this every time. Do you think it's one person or do you think they have to take turns?

Now I know emotions are all running high, and we’re all shocked and scared by yet another senseless act of violence (or mental illness if white, act of terror if brown). However, now is not the time to start talking about things like “gun control” and “approval lists.” How about we schedule sometime on March 31st around 7:30am EST and we can all sit down for 15 minutes and discuss ways to prevent the next tragedy. However I cannot stress it enough that NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO POLITICIZE THIS.

Can't believe it's over ten years since John Oliver's Gun Control Trilogy

This is the 37th time they've had to use this headline. I'm not sure if the repetition makes me more sad, or angry, or if it is now simply becoming numbing. Thirty-Seven. :-(

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%27No_Way_to_Prevent_This,%27_Says_Only_Nation_Where_This_Regularly_Happens

Our self-inflicted suffering is evergreen.

"get him away from the video games"

Was the police's suggestion to the father last year when the kid threatened to do this. I don't even know what decade I live in anymore.