this post was submitted on 16 Oct 2026
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The White Tailed Deer in the yellow states is not from the animal directly attacking people, it's from the dumb motherfucker stepping out into the road way and standing there as you're driving 70 mph on the freeway.
When I was an infant, my mom had one run headfirst into the side of her car and break its neck.
Deer is just chilling and minding its own business when some dumb motherfucker comes driving 70 mph into it
I would love this to be the case, I live in Ohio, I love deer they are beautiful and we have a family of them that live in our woods and I love seeing them.
Deer though are the stupidest motherfuckers on the planet.
One time my mom was driving down a country road with me in the passenger seat. A deer came out of the woods, my mom saw it and stopped, the deer looked at the car and froze. Ok so far nothing crazy, deer just doing deer things. Then the deer runs full speed and at the last moment turns and runs into the side of the completely motionless car ripping the side view mirror off and breaking its own neck.
For as much as I can sympathize with the fact that a deer is an animal that evolved for a completely different environment than the constructed one that humans have pushed them into. Growing up around them you realize that they are beautiful majestic dangerous stupid 200 pounds of muscle and ticks and madness ready to run 30 miles an hour in a random direction if you look at them wrong.
Or like my buddy's ex, she was driving and one of them motherfuckers just jumped into her driver's side window. She was in the hospital for days, the deer limped off into the woods, and we were cleaning glass and deer blood out of her vehicle for a while.
If it makes you feel better, there's a good chance the deer died from those injuries. Between blood loss, infections, and whatever physical injuries, nature is not very forgiving.
Then he died in a place I couldn't take him for sausageification. I hope he lived and grew into the king of the forest, telling other animals of the dangers of roads.
While it's rarely life-threatening, whitetail deer do sometimes attack people. Once they've got you down they batter you with their front legs. It looks really funny, but it can be serious.
I was about to ask if that was the case, because I've never heard of one attacking anyone.
The bucks can get a little rambunctious during mating season, but getting charged by a deer isn't quite in the same league as, say, a moose.
Me, I'm more taking exception to the copperhead zone, there. You are exceedingly unlikely to die if you're bitten by a copperhead. These are the most weaksauce of all vipers and the least dangerous venomous snake found in North America. I think you'll have a much more miserable time of it if you happen to get tagged by a timber rattlesnake, which encompasses all of the copperhead's range as depicted by that map and also continues quite a bit further, as far north as New York and as far west as eastern Oklahoma and Texas.
Furthermore, I think the chances of being eaten by a Great White in Delaware or Maryland are pretty overblown. The Maryland number one should probably also be the timber rattler or possibly black bears, especially in the western portion, and Washington DC drivers in the east. Similar with Delaware, where the most aggressive wildlife are probably the Juggalos.
Copperhead probably edges it out because they're more common
Maryland should be a brown recluse, or one of their dozens of excitingly terrifying land critters.
Maybe those snake head fish things there was apparently an epidemic of a number of years back.