Look at this monstrosity New Zealand pumped out during World War II. Built in case of Japanese invasion, the tank was made by slapping corrugated iron on a tractor and calling it a day. The Japanese tanks were hardly great, but a Ha-Go is infinitely better than this. Nonetheless, I love it for its shittiness.
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I'm really sorry it's been so tough Eggy. I'm in a different place with this stuff but I do understand feeling like a failure about it anyway. I felt like a failure when I first started spending time with other trans people. There were people a year into their transition who seemed far more comfortable and further along than I was despite coming out years earlier.
Unfortunately it's just slow and difficult for some of us, but I also wanna push back a bit because while you've taken important steps, you really haven't tried much so far since coming out apart from HRT. You've girl moded like twice I think? You've taken the very first steps of social transition and only briefly. You're still a full time boymoder, you have no idea what awaits you yet. And I doubt you could imagine it rn since your doomer-ass attitude seems to make imagining a future where you are happy so difficult.
It's not just where I'm at in transition. I mean obviously I wish I was further along. They've been people here who are out, post ffs and srs, passing and gone in the time I've gotten to where I am. What is really bothering me right now is life stuff. Thank you.
It was once.
Hrt was supposed to help me do the things. To function better. To drive, to get a job. "just wait for 6 months!". And here I am, still. I still don't take care of myself, I still don't have a job, I still don't know what to do or how to get a job, I have made basically no life progress. I try, and fail, and I never get anywhere. It feels like nothing actually helps me attain my goals, my hypothetical happy future.
I was typing out a response, switched apps on my phone to quickly ADHD-respond to a message, and came back and my phone had dunked the tab to reclaim the memory and reloaded the page
Im sorry Eggy, I know it will get better and hope on some level you can believe that even if just a little bit. It is true and you're still very young. For now I'm sending hugs
I understand, I hate that. Thank you.