"pay for dates," "be a breadwinner/protector," "take the risks/initiative by asking the questions, making the moves, etc." (but not the wrong moves! Be confident, but not too confident!).

A lot of this stuff about men being attractive is also true of women. The attractiveness of assertiveness, initiative (and if we're being honest, having enough money to have choices on spending), are things that women look for in men, sure. But those are also things I looked for in women.

I don't want to pay for a nice dinner only to find out that the woman I took on that date only goes to nice restaurants with men trying to sleep with them, because I can't really share in that interest in the same way as I could with someone who seeks out restaurant experiences on her own. I don't want to date a woman who just sits around waiting to be asked to do things, and doesn't take initiative around how she takes control of her own social life. Those are unattractive traits in women, too.

So a big chunk of women's expectations of men they might date aren't necessarily gendered, even if they do fall within older gendered ideals: be able to pay your own bills, and maybe have some left over to do some fun stuff. Be confident and secure in your social life. Be able to stand up for yourself and those around you. Yes, that could be framed as a problematic gender expectations, but they're also kinda broad expectations of how to be attractive.