this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2026
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Fuck this incel nonsense.
Am ugly and fat, but I'm a nice person, respect everyone (who deserves respect), and I expect everything I do to be non transactional.
I help people because they need help and I can help.
results? built a friend's group I adore (I literally admire them and sometimes I am still in disbelief that I'm their friend), and have women hit on me, also have a poly thing going on. And I have never had so much and such good sex.
"Nice" means being a good person, if you are nice to be transactional, then that isn't nice, that's a red flag... and a good thing women stay away from you.
yes, women can also be transactional, being an asshole is intersectional. but that is a slightly different tangent.
Also, I loathe that because bullshit like this the bar is so painfully low. It genuinely hurts me when a woman gives me a compliment that only reveals how fucking low the bar is. and it is so fucking low. that if you can't pass it, then that's on you.
if you want constructive advice, accept that no relationship is transactional. be proactive in socializing, not like going to bars to pick people up, but join active groups for your interests. D&D, political action groups, Mutual aids... attend regularly and before you know it you'll have a healthy diverse friend group. assume no one is interested in you as a partner unless there's a bit of flirting. Even if you don't find a partner in those groups, those people have their own groups. and if they see you as a good person they will recommend you to their single friends. But this is not a guide to get laid. If you do all of this to get laid, you are a horrible person. and hopefully, they will sense it and not put anyone at risk. you do that because you love to [chosen group activity], and want to make friendships. Also, consent means they can say no whenever they want, even after a couple dates and you have to be mature and be like "that's ok, I wish you well' and not like "That B[slur]".
If you are a basement dwelling incel with severe depression from loneliness and severe loniless from depression, you can crawl out of that depression by doing stuff. Joining mutual aids really did that for me, little by little I built a community for myself, and I'm now happy (was chronically depressed for so long I forgot what positive feelings feel like).
I don't disagree with your post but I'm pretty sure the joke in the meme is the one calling themselves a nice guy is actually an asshole. That's revealed in the "stop ignoring my DMs" ending. So it's not actually a pro "nice guy" meme. Which you probably got, but maybe missed it?
This was my reading too. I didn't take it seriously, it's just a kinda funny joke, I thought. Especially given that I've met a lot of people like that, it hits home. Now I'm kinda worried I'm misreading it though..
Set aside the incel stuff, if getting out of a depression would be that simple, not nearly as many people would have it. You can be around people and still be lonely. If that worked for you, wonderful. Doesn't mean it works for everyone. People can get a kind of burn out if they're helping people and expect nothing in return, spend a lot of energy on those people, but when they themselves need it, no one is there for them. It can be absolutely exhausting and can fuck you up as a person. I've seen it happen and it's happened to me as well.
It was not, in any shape, way, or form, easy.
it takes work. my medications didn't help at all. tried so many for years. it was a cycle of:
Loneliness causes depression, and depression causes loneliness.
By getting out a bit at a time, I met people, and the more I went out the easier it got. but the first step was fucking hard. But it was as hard as going to a doctor for the first time to ask for help with depression.
Not saying don't get medicated or reach for a medical professional... just that you should also go out and meet people in activities.
Great that it worked for you, but I'm sorry, just because it worked for you doesn't mean it works for everyone.
Loneliness is not necessarily cured by seeing people. I've had times where I've seen close to 50 people I knew in a week and still felt lonely. In fact, there are times I've felt less lonely after having had a week alone. It isn't about contact with people, period, it's about a connection with people. And that often depends on the people you have around you. You had people that you got into contact with with whom you were able to build a connection with - great! Not everyone has that luxury. Some people have the luck that people around them generally aren't interested in them. Or suck the energy out of them. Or even act outright nasty to them. Then there are those where dealing with other people will make things worse due to untreated trauma. Some people are working their asses off and literally do not have any considerable amount of time for that. Or in my case, where I was in the psych ward and not having time and space to myself actually sent me on a downward spiral (and due to their way of thinking everyone needs the same thing, it took quite a bit to get them to change gears).
Everyone's situation is different. Otherwise I would be here telling you the only form of therapy that works is a day clinic, and that you shouldn't take any medication. In my case, it was true, but it very definitely doesn't apply to everyone.
Work on your issues, and keep meeting people, the difference between meeting people and connecting with people is consistency.
I was in that awkward stage too the first couple months. now it's a tight knit community.
it didn't work for you, yet. keep going.
No, it's far more than just consistency. There are many people with which a certain individual will not connect with, no matter the consistency.
Like, I get that it worked for you, and you want others to experience it as well. What you don't appreciate is that this absolutist advice can be downright harmful. If the person hearing this advice is someone who is burnt out from trying to connect, following this advice will only burn them out more. In that case, it needs a closer look to why it's burning them out, and what other factors may need to be looked at.
It's one thing to say "this worked for me, and might work for you depending on your situation", and another to say "this is always the solution, if it hasn't worked for you yet you haven't done it enough". You won't be able to properly drive a slot head screw with a Philips head screwdriver, no matter how much you try, and the answer there isn't, "you haven't tried enough".
This! I tell young men I come across having trouble the ladies department. Work on the friend part of girlfriend before all else.
Grew up in Europe, live in the US right now. even though it's the same problem, it's so much worse here. The fuck is wrong with parents? they socialize girls to be social, but men to be a cavemen stereotype?
Met so many men here that date to get a mother they can fuck. for them dating is just a farce to trick women for sex/caring role. Some consider washing their ass a gay thing. Jules Verne's Journey to the centre of the earth to find the bar???
And you know what? imma pull a misogyny and blame mothers as well, because men here barely rise their children, it isn't a 50/50, many fathers are just another older child for the mother to take care of. Even if she works as well. Because yhea, the dad should have been an adult too, but the mothers did raise the girls and boys differently. Do they project the spite for the husband into the boys???
yhea, there are many male adults here who are great people, but part of them being mature is that they also acknowledge that they were brought up to be assholes and they did a lot of internal work to grow. And them existing does not disprove that there is a systemic generational problem.
This is it. I always tell young men I come across having trouble in the ladies department, learn to be a friend first, put yourself in the friendzone, and before you know it you'll have romance and sexual opportunities, from directions you'll never see coming. But far more importantly you'll have a good bunch of friends.