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this post was submitted on 24 Feb 2026
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Chapotraphouse
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Sometimes conspiracies are real, especially when they involve the ruling class
The motherfuckers are telling us this corpse is of a man with completely different features and organs he didn't have
At this point the more absurd belief is that there isn't a conspiracy involved
so there's an even deeper conspiracy that this guy was smuggled out to.... where? where he will never again be able to see the light of day because if anyone ever saw him the whole jig is up again!
doesn't make any sense. why would anyone dare risk that, especially when presumably the whole reason is to keep all of his shit hidden and quiet, which didn't happen and is out in the open now
edit: i'm shocked that this many people buy into this.. wow.
Israel
Because Israel wants its operatives to know they've got their back no matter what despicable shit they're doing for Israel. They want them to know they will not be abandoned by Israel, even when imprisoned. It keeps them from turning to save their own skin.
I'm still in the "intelligence agencies will unceremoniously liquidate assets who have outlived their usefulness and have become a liability" camp, so if they did whisk him out of jail, it's to liquidate him at a black site where no one knows where he is. Why would they want to kill him and bury his body in an unmarked grave? It's to liquidate him in a gruesome torturous fashion, presumably to serve as an example for assets who have become liabilities.
They don't need Epstein to be alive. They just need to think Epstein is still alive. Mossad isn't going to bring Epstein out to shake hands with prospective agents to show that he's still alive. It's going to be through rumors like "I've heard that Epstein is still having coke parties at Tel Aviv." Those rumors don't require Epstein to be physically alive though.
Perhaps this is the real conspiracy: they liquidate Epstein at his cell so he wouldn't squeal and they fake enough discrepancies (autopsies with anatomical inconsistencies, edited postmortem photos to make it look like it's not him) to push a "Epstein is still alive" narrative that both gives Mossad agents cope that they aren't disposable tools and discredits the idea that intelligence agencies were behind his death ("saying the CIA killed Epstein is a conspiracy theory like how Epstein is still alive.").
if the body switching whatever shit everyone is talking about here is even remotely true, then this would be the most plausible explanation to me