this post was submitted on 30 Jan 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost
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It's not really about the karma-farming aspect of things or pleasing a crowd. It's about, in general, making a statement that's otherwise agreeable and then, often pointlessly, following it up with something backhanded, needlessly obnoxious, mean spirited, racist/xenophobic, or otherwise "not good". You know, basic tactfulness.
A fairly tame example:
Thanks for the invitation, I look forward to learning all about your traditions. I always said you were one of the good ones.
Lol, exactly that.
Don't let my wife see this. She's terrified of becoming nose blind to the smells of our house because our cats were young in our first residence and did piss on things. I have a really bad sense of smell so I'm not much help on that subject.
Fortunately she's befriended someone who doesn't wrinkle their nose when they enter the house, but seems willing to honestly (and kindly) answer when asked.
We have so many literally industrial air fresheners in our house (they came from the now shuttered factory where her parents worked). I wish she didn't have to worry about the smell so much ... The cats still sometimes protest-pee if their litterboxes haven't been cleaned but they've generally mellowed out a lot and our techniques for handling the smell have improved for when there is an issue.
If I could reassure her that our home isn't unpleasant, it would be so wonderful.
immediate edit: I tried hard to make this not sound critical of her. I'm not upset with her for being worried, I just wish she weren't suffering through it. If at any point I sounded angry at her, please know I love her and want her to be happy in her own home.
This is a real thing...