I don't think this breaks any rules, but feel free to delete if it does.
This years Defector article about orifice accidents:
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
By Barry Petchesky
This is the time of year to be grateful for not having things stuck in our asses, and to think of those less fortunate than us. So spare a thought for those Americans who misjudged the capacity of their own orifices.
All reports are taken from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits, all descriptions are verbatim, and all the people involved had a very bad time.
Penis
BATTERY
CANDLE WAX
CHESS PIECE
2 GLASS BEADS
PEN
PENCIL
COMB
APPLE STEMS
APPLE CORE
BOBBY PIN
PAPER CLIP
MAGNETS
SPRING
SCREW
STAPLES
THERMOMETER
HEADPHONES
GUITAR STRING
ALLEN WRENCH
Vagina
HOLIDAY BELL
LIGHTER
ALUMINUM FOIL
COTTON BALLS
POPSICLE STICK
PLASTIC ORCA
GEMSTONE
"INSERTED TWO DIAMOND RINGS IN HER VAGINA WHILE AT A PARTY IN FEAR THEY WOULD BE STOLEN"
LATEX GLOVE
BATH BOMB
SMALL PLASTIC MERMAID
FLOWER TOY
"REPORTS A BAG OF MARIJUANA HAS BEEN IN HER VAGINA FOR 2 DAYS AND IS UNCOMFORTABLE"
BRACELET CHARMS
2 VIBRATORS
PENIS RING
2 PENIS RINGS
2 SPOONS
"WAS USING A PIECE OF PLASTIC TO MASTURBATE WHEN GOT SPOOKED BY THE WIND OUTSIDE AND THREW THE SHEET OVER HERSELF IN THE PROCESS LODGING THE PIECE OF PLASTIC DEEPER INTO HER VAGINA AND WASN'T ABLE TO RETRIEVE"
HAIRBRUSH
DETERGENT POD
PLUNGER CAP
BEER BOTTLE, "WAS ON A CRUISE ON HER HONEYMOON"
Rectum
LUBRICANT BOTTLE
ENEMA BOTTLE
NAILS
SCREWS AND NAILS
"PATIENT STATES HE PUT A BASEBALL IN HIS RECTUM TO SEE WHAT IT FELT LIKE"
AEROSOL CAN
DOG CHEW TOY
DRYER SHEET
"WAS FEELING CONSTIPATED FOR 2 DAYS, HE TOOK THE BASE OFF OF HIS BEARD CLIPPERS AND WRAPPED IN A PLASTIC BAGGIE, INSERTED INTO THE RECTUM AND IT GOT STUCK"
BATON
HAIR TIE
"CONCERN ABOUT IF HE STILL HAD A SMALL VIBRATOR IN HIS RECTUM. HIS GIRLFRIEND PLACED IT THERE ON FRIDAY"
TURKEY BASTER
PLASTIC CLEANSER BOTTLE (FULL OF LIQUID)
"REPORTS HE SLIPPED IN THE SHOWER AND A SHAMPOO BOTTLE WENT INTO HIS RECTUM"
"STATES HE WAS IN THE SHOWER 'WAS BORED' WHEN PT PLACED SHAMPOO BOTTLE INTO RECTUM"
DENTAL PICK
WINE STOPPER
CORN COB HOLDER
"HAD GONE OUT WITH WIFE WIFE LAST NIGHT AND HAD TOO MANY DRINKS, WENT HOME DRUNK, WIFE INSERTED A RUBBERY SEX TOY INTO PT'S RECTUM, UNABLE TO REMOVE"
HIGHLIGHTER
INVISIBLE MARKER
MAGIC WAND TOY
"REPORTS 7-INCH DILDO INSERTED INTO RECTUM WHEN IT ACCIDENTALLY WENT TOO FAR. HE ATTEMPTED TO USE PLIERS TO REMOVE IT. PLIERS STUCK TOO"
MARBLES
FILM CANISTER
BATTERY-POWERED LIGHT
"PLASTIC COATHANGER INSIDE HIS ANUS. HE INSERTED THE HANGER DURING SEXUAL ACTIVITY. HE CUT OFF THE OUTSIDE OF THE HANGER SO HE COULD DRIVE TO THE ER"
PENNY
SANDAL
DOORKNOB
"HE INSERTED A LIGHT BULB INTO HIS RECTUM THIS MORNING WITH THE GLASS SIDE FIRST AND DUE TO THE SUCTION EFFECT, THE BULB GOT SUCKED UP"
FLASHLIGHT
VAPE PEN
"POSSIBLE RECTAL FOREIGN BODY. SHE REPORTS PLACING A SMALL VIBRATOR IN HER RECTUM, SHE DOES NOT REMEMBER REMOVING IT AND CANNOT FIND IT"
2 PENCILS
CORNCOB-STYLE PIPE
"REPORTS USING A BUTT PLUG IN HER ANUS A FEW HOURS AGO WHEN IT BROKE OFF. SIGNIFICANT OTHER USED TWEEZERS TO RETRIEVE PIECE THAT BROKE OFF. TWEEZERS NOW STUCK IN RECTUM"
RUBBER GASKET
UNCOOKED PASTA
PIECE OF NOSE HAIR TRIMMER
"STATES HE HAS A FOREIGN BODY IN HIS RECTUM THAT IS VIBRATING. HE STATES HE WAS WITH A GIRL LAST NIGHT AND DOESN'T REMEMBER MUCH"
EYEGLASSES
ROCK
EGG
"WAS BEING INTIMATE WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND AND THEY SHOVED A RECTANGULAR TRAVEL TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER IN HIS RECTUM, WAS ABLE TO GET HALF OF IT OUT"
MULTIPLE SEX TOYS
CAT-HEADED VIBRATOR
18-INCH DILDO
24-INCH DILDO
"REPORTS HAVING A 6 INCH VIBRATOR IN RECTUM SINCE 2:00 PM TODAY. DOESN'T RECALL PLACING VIBRATOR IN RECTUM. ALSO REPORTED TAKING 'POPPERS' AT THE TIME"
Both culturally and as a result of social anxiety, I'm not good at small talk. It's the thing I've hated most about customer service jobs, it's what I've dreaded walking to strangers' doors for landscaping jobs, I shop less at Trader Joes despite it being better than the alternative grocers because they don't have a self-checkout aisle and I don't know what to say to the cashier.
When I worked in paramedicine, I learned that the most uncomfortable kind of call for me is someone vehemently insisting that they accidentally got a carrot stuck in their ass. With horrible injuries I can always just focus on the medical part and only engage the human part to do neuro checks or calm the patient. With a carrot in the ass that they're lying about, I can't do the medical side because there's nothing to do except watch to see if they start bleeding internally after every bump in the road. There is only the human side of the job for that entire time, and the human side of the job revolves around making small talk while ignoring the carrot-shaped elephant in the room's ass. I couldn't just sit there in silence without seeming judgmental, couldn't bring up the carrot without it being embarrassing and making them lie again, and my only hobby in that area was hiking. You can't talk about your favourite waterfalls for an hour with someone who has a carrot in their ass. An extrovert would struggle with that.
I mean, they probably weren't lying that it was stuck accidentally.
Accidentally lodged too far sure. They said they rolled over in bed onto a carrot. If they put that on a shirt, it would make me ask questions already answered by their shirt.
All you can do is make sure the PT is as comfortable as possible. You don't want to make them upset, it could be a real pain in the ass
See that's the thing. I had four ways of making someone comfortable because the protocols there didn't allow for IV meds or narcotics:
Crushed ice
Heat packs/cold packs
A warm blanket
Oral Tylenol
Try offering any of those to someone with a carrot stuck in their ass. It feels like giving a snorkel and pina colada to someone who's drowning.
the problem is in their ass obviously you need the suppository tylenol
I avoid Trader Joe's for a similar reason. The cashiers are supposed to be over the top friendly and it makes me feel awkward because in my mind I'm thinking about how much I would hate having to do that. Whenever someone is forced to be nice to me it feels fake even if it isn't.
The management coercion behind it makes it Mandatory Fun instead of an authentic social interaction. Anything with a corporate script is miserable to me. I'd rather a human have a job than a machine, but an independent costermonger performing or forming relationships with their community at least had a sense of autonomy to it. I'd buy fruit from them whether or not they recite a poem, and if they choose to market themselves that way then workers are reciting poetry in the streets. That seems so much healthier for everyone involved.