this post was submitted on 31 Dec 2025
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It's still so jarring every time though
I think you made a common mistake. See, you don't just bury the darkness, you need to also disossiate from reality so that even if you internally suffer accidental contact with the void, it doesn't make it all the way out to become a physical expression.
This way, you can disconnect your outward behaviour from you active thinking, so that even if you mentally implode, no-one can tell!
Neat, huh?
(This is horrible advice, do not attempt. Never hide this level of anguish with loved ones. Potentially useful in professional settings, but still harmful.)
Laughs hysterically in harmful coping mechanisms
I don't know what you're referring to 😊
Eh, depends. My therapist says it can be useful in the moment, but yeah, something we're working on.
Oh it's plenty useful. Like I mention, at work with people who have no business knowing whats going on in your head it can be great.
But it's not good for you.
Jokes on you, I do exactly this but still tell everyone I meet exactly how depressed I am (the answer is very) and why. I have very good reasons and data to back it up. I explain it very calmly.
No one really gives a shit. Either they don't believe me or they think I'm exaggerating. Or they believe me a bit and then burn it from their memory the second I leave their sight. When I say there have been just a few days in my life where I did not ACTIVELY long for death, they don't seem to really understand me.
So weird.
I mean, most people haven't experienced a single day of existence where they'd have rather... Not.
And it follows they have no concept of how someone can still function if they feel that way. Intuitively, you'd think those two things are mutually exclusive.
So, probably also wierd how easy it can be to continue to go through the motions of life even as there is less than nothing inside.
I hope the "days I want to be alive/days I want to not exist"-ratio improves for you.
I get all of that. I understand it rationally. It doesn't get easier to be understood by literally no one. It's so fun to get asked "where do you see yourself in the future?" Or whatever similar question someone has and surprise them with the ol' "what future?"
Seeing that question break people's brains makes it much easier to understand why no one believes that we could possibly destroy the world through climate change. "But it's always been here. It can't END. Don't be silly!"
Their brains don't even see the possibility of their own deaths. Not really. They're scared of death in the vague sense. Not the specific sense. Their death. Their end. They truly don't believe it will happen, deep down, even under a lot of people claiming they do.