this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2025
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Chapotraphouse
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For a second I was laughing and about to uncork some champagne to the doom that's about to befall judgy vegans and then I realized 'wait, but I like lettuce in my burgers; also I like fries!'
To vegans: Okay home boys, let's posse!
you also like broccoli too, you fucking liar, don't fucking lie to me and tell me you don't, literally everybody loves broccoli
Exactly, it's like eating tiny trees! Who wouldn't love that?
I used to buy into anti broccoli propaganda like i think there's an episode of Rugrats that was anti broccoli? but working as a chef let me tell you people will eat more broccoli than any other vegetable, and that's even if they make it lazily and just steam it with nothing else. Children, teenagers, old people, people be eatin broccoli
i was coerced into eating broccolli once as a child and it was so awful i've never subjected myself to it a second time
i could fix that for you
you can't address the textural revulsions without obliterating the plant, and even pureed it would retain the disgusting flavors.
Have you tried just getting a broccoli dish from a Chinese restaurant?
They're everywhere and it's probably the best broccoli you'll get eating out for cheap
i assume panda express doesn't count
Do you like cabbage or kale or other brassicas
i had some ramen with cabbage in it but whatever cultivar and the cooking it was basically just lettuce
It should have a taste more like broccoli but kinda different but also a very different texture, if it's crunchy it's more bulky and crunchy than lettuce, if it's cooked, well, you don't usually cook lettuce. Napa cabbage is kinda thinner so it was probably that
Anyway i wish i could cook for you. One of my coworkers is an older lady who frequently tells me that i'm the only person who can get her to try new food, she didn't like beets but she likes my beets, she didn't like brussel sprouts but likes my brussel sprouts.
Are you vegan? If so have you had them steamed and drizzled in garlic butter (margarine)? What about the texture in particular do you not like? Do you find it bitter?
There's a lot of bitter compounds in brassicas including iirc oxalates in broccoli but blanching can help wash some of the water soluble stuff out
I was coerced into eating creamed spinach as a child and while I won't eat plain cold creamed spinach, I love spinach salads and spanakopita and palak paneer.
Try broccoli steamed, with plum vinegar on it.
Pretty sure animals eat pesticide runoff and contamination too. This will just bioaccumulate.