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Fuck it feels so bad today. Dysphoria has been real bad lately.
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This has been nothing but a source of pain for me. I don't know how to deal with all of it. There's so many things-Being trans + ND really shoots my dating options in the foot. I have been really wishing I had someone.
-Facial hair is brutal
-Everything about sex is brutal
-My fucking voice, oh my god I cant stop grieving my voice. Its never going to be okay and its so important.
-All the other dysphoria, the vague wrongness, all of that
-Everything about how society sees me
-Everything about the rise of fascism and trans women being one of the main targets
-Being so far behind everyone else, in everything. Fashion, makeup, college, etc. Everything is behind because I'm trans + the depression
-Constant depression etc from all of this
-Never getting a break
Any of these things would be bad enough on their own but I legitimately can't cope with all of this. This is the most painful experience ever. I can't get over it, I can't cope with it, it doesn't go away. fuck all of this. :::
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I empathize and I'm sorry it knocking you about, I am transitioning in my mid 30s and feel so behind at times too.I'm sorry your plans around HRT have been delayed, because I think it would be really good for your mental health. I felt enormous relief immediately because now I wasn't losing time, any delays or slowness socially were a chance to give it time to work. It has also with time made me less upset about my body, like chest hair between my breast is kind of cute and funny not the horror I had before, etc
The fasicism uh
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Yea, it would have been really nice to have it already. tbh a bit stressed about time and starting- it obviously sets a timer and I have to be out. Also very worried about looking visibly trans which is which again is just a timer hrt starts. It will be nice to not be worrying about any more masculinization though.Yea not really much to do about that :/
Almost 40 gang
Wish Iโd known in my mid 20s but tbh I also was not ready for it
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Fuck sake. All because of some stupid genetic mistake or hormone issue. Why did this have to be my life. Just suffering.