<3
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dysphoria
I had a lot of shame... or I guess shame adjacent feelings about it yeah. It was to such a degree that it was dysphoric for me.I grew up in a really Catholic area and definitely had some of the puritanical shit internalized. When I was really strongly attracted to a woman or very envious of a woman's femininity I felt Unclean, it felt overwhelmingly "male" and was basically the worst I ever felt about myself.
When I started hrt and it nuked my libido I was actually super stoked about it because I knew it meant I wouldn't have that feeling anymore, haha. Glad that that didn't last though, since being a butch lesbian is basically the coolest me that I can be and the new sort of attraction feels so much better.