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submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by Lussy@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net

Oh no, my miserable life that’s devoid of any connection and anyone altogether otherwise *at least contains a friend.

What the fuck man, is this a real concern average people have that I’m way too fucking alienated to understand

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[-] christiansocialist@hexbear.net 30 points 1 year ago

What the fuck man, is this a real concern average people have that I’m way too fucking alienated to understand

Yes it is a real concern. And honestly, I think leftists are terrible at giving dating advice, especially when it comes to men. There are some considerate leftists that actually give concrete advice (like start exercising, find clothes that fit better, maybe trim the beard so it looks nice, get a good haircut or shave it completely if balding, try to look people in the eye instead of looking down all the time, learn small talk, learn banter, learn how to express romantic interest, find that difference between confident and creepy and know when you've crossed it, etc.) Most of the "advice" I see is just "don't be a r!pist!" and "don't harass women!" Like bro that's obvious, but to the guy that's constantly getting rejected, especially when apps like Tinder make it so the a few super good looking guys pretty much clean house (and this dynamic absolutely spills over into offline interactions), there needs to be better advice.

When this advice is lacking, or people dismiss these young men because "there are so many other problems why would I care about MEN!", this can lead to alienated young men finding their way into reactionary spaces. In this case a little prevention is worth ten tons of cure.

And lastly, I'll say this, it's completely disingenuous to remain "friends" with someone after you've been friendzoned if you initially had romantic feelings for them and those romantic feelings still persist. Unless your feelings magically also changed to platonic ones, then there's a relational imbalance that will always linger. It's better to just say "hey I like you in a more romantic way and even though you want to be friends, perhaps it's better that we don't hang out."

[-] Zezzy@hexbear.net 5 points 1 year ago

It's better to just say "hey I like you in a more romantic way and even though you want to be friends, perhaps it's better that we don't hang out."

I guess I don't have any experience from the"friendzoned" side, but this feels kinda manipulative? You're basically giving them them an ultimatum to date you or cut off contact. I might just be sensitive or have completely different kind of relationship with my friends, but this would definitely burn bridges.

[-] christiansocialist@hexbear.net 4 points 1 year ago

but this would definitely burn bridges.

I guess I should clarified that this is more of something you'd say in the beginning, not too long after meeting someone.

You're basically giving them them an ultimatum to date you or cut off contact.

I mean I see it more as you know who you are and are setting boundaries for yourself. If the other person insists on being friends while knowing that you are into them, I see that as kind of manipulative, because you're kind of pressuring the person with the feelings to make a decision to stay in an awkward situation.

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this post was submitted on 31 Aug 2023
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