this post was submitted on 10 May 2025
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better brain
with that I can make more money and with that I can just buy new organs
Congrats. You now feel anxiety twice as intensely.
yeah but now I can buy 2x the anxiety meds because of all my money
being smart is overrated, and it actively makes anxiety worse because you can come up with pretty good rationalisations and then be anxious faster
I mean, he didn't say smarter; he said a better brain. I would also love a better brain, which to me would not mean an increase in intelligence. On paper, I'm allegedly well into the gifted territory of the IQ scale, but my developmental and learning disabilities, especially my poor executive functioning, have led to me working fast food...
ayyy twice exceptional high five, how are the unfinished projects going? it's a strange life to be both allegedly gifted and also have a learning disability, your whole life you get told how much potential you have, but you can only reliably pull off being kinda average
but i digress, yeah that's a fair point. i guess i assumed when they said "better brain" they meant "better brain power". i too would like a brain that can perhaps manage to do things when i want it to do things, instead of only doing things when they become emergencies
Honestly, I have been way too warn out, stressed out, burned out, tired, depressed, and busy to really have any projects going. It feels like I pretty much just sleep, work, and doom scroll on my phone. A lot of that though is from trying to deal with the results of trying to have an SO (never again) and trying to do homesteading while trying to pursue her dreams with her.
Yeah, it definitely is a strange experience being "Gifted and Talented Learning Disabled" as the school system labeled me. The school system didn't know what to do with me. It was certainly weird being partly mainstreamed (a mix of SPED and mainstream classes [including honors classes]).
I would genuinely prefer to have an average IQ, or even slightly below average, if it ment I didn't also have the disabilities I currently have. I literally had physics books as bed time stories as a kid. yet when it came to the end of high school; I was discouraged from applying to a 4 year university (despite my grades), because of my disabilities and and discouraged from going into STEM. The rest of my extended family all have advanced degrees and impressive career and there there is me, who can't even function well enough to live on my own.
huh, that is- strange, it sounds almost as if knowing "from the start" about being twice exceptional fucked you up more than being oblivious. very few know about my IQ, and i only got tested at 18, same with adhd where i had my first suspicions at university and started trying to get diagnosed after it. what you're describing sounds like a deeply confusing child/teenagehood. it sounds like you were kind of taught to feel helpless and doubt yourself
and oh man, i hope that the spark to do silly projects captures you again soon :( they're so fun, best of luck <3
Brain twice as powerful but so riddled with benzos that it functions at half capacity.
but I still have more money than before